Proposed ordinance would require Kirk Girard to just shut the fuck up

The Humboldt County Board of Supervisors will consider a proposed ordinance that would require Community Development Disservices Director Kirk Girard to abstain from using any form of verbal communication.

According to the text of the proposed ordinance, Girard would be prohibited from “the expression of any thought, idea or opinion about anything, in any medium, to anyone, at any time, ever again.”

A staff report submitted as part of the review process stated the move would cost little to implement and would likely save the county millions on failed projects and unnecessary litigation.

The report credits Girard with “masterminding the county’s redevelopment boondoggle, conspiring with county counsel to mislead supervisors and residents during the TPZ fiasco, leading the charge on the ultra high-density Forster-Gill development in Cutten, botching Williamson Act enforcement, politicizing the building permit process and whispering an uninterrupted stream of sweet but ultimately empty assurances into (Fourth District) Supervisor (Bonnie) Neely’s ear.”

As required by law, staff included an alternative to the proposed ordinance, which was to do nothing and allow Girard to “continue spouting mad shit.”

In other board business, the supervisors will also consider the creation of a sixth district in the county, which would consist of the tens of thousands of residents living outside Neely’s district who would like an opportunity to vote against her.

The meeting begins at 9:00 a.m. Tuesday in the board chambers of the Humboldt County Courthouse in Eureka.

39 Responses

  1. I can’t seem to find the staff report regarding the Girard ordinance on the county’s website. What’s up?

  2. Did County Counsel approve this?

  3. County Counsel farmed out the matter to Bill Bragg at a cost of $45,000. They are too busy trying to cover up the Falor mess.

  4. No!!!!!

  5. I didn’t review the parts of the law staff removed from the report.

  6. Who drafted this one? Rodoni?

  7. No, but he commissioned the artwork. You like?

  8. Late breaking news…there will be a second staff report issued five minutes before the meeting…word is new report will allow Girard to speak through Senior Planner Tom Hoffweber via radio headsets…”Technically, it will be identical to the proposed ordinance since Tom Hoffweber will be doing all the speaking” Girard was overheard saying in the hall…in other news the future Supervisor’s meetings will take place over two days and espresso will be served to keep the public awake…

  9. Hey! Were are the “filed in” tags. Are you getting lazy?

  10. We suck! Correcting now….

  11. You have to admit, the Zappa thing becomes her. Or is that supposed to be Groucho?

  12. It started off as a Woolley eyebrow thing, and we just got carried away from there.

  13. Any plans for Rodoni? He could use some hair.

  14. Oh nice one, Turtle. We’ll see what we can do.

  15. Do you think you can get a picture of Girard and put a gag on his mouth?

    Although Neely with a Hitler moustache is pretty damn funny.

  16. Wouldn’t the Hitler ‘stache be a bit shorter around the edges?

  17. Right on the shorter around the edges, and also “taller”. Also Hitler never had a goatee.

  18. Obviously ridiculous piffle. Everyone knows that the Kirkster has no voice. He has been the short guy in the Neely ventriliquist act for years;)

  19. My question is “what will we find in Neely’s flavor-saver?”

  20. “Ridiculous piffle”? That’s our favorite insult ever!! Hugs to Wisecracker!

    (And, ahum, Turtle–please. Don’t suggest these things so close to our dinner time.)

  21. Just was over at old Heraldo’s place. Jane Doe is trying to refer to the CEQA statute PRC 21080 that directly contradicts planning staff’s original position (that the ordinance isn’t a project) is nothing but “irrelevant legalese.” Seems she can’t cope with the fact that Girard and his staff’s screw up doctoring out the language that negated his position was an intentional misstatement of the law.

    Even now that Girard is admitting it is a project, but that an exemption applies.

    These guys are about as nuts as Islamic Jihadists that blow themselves up in the name of their religious beliefs.

  22. fanatics

  23. I saw a question for you over at Heraldo’s 2:29. You were asked to support your claim that Girard admitted this was a project.

  24. 2:29, and that’s to say nothing against Islamic jihadists.

  25. I think Jane Doh and the rest of the haters know where to find me.

  26. what a great idea perhaps firing him from his lush county paycheck would help also.

  27. Until Humboldt County Fires or Impeachs Kirk Girard..The Planning and Building departments remain our States biggest JOKE!

  28. …and don’t forget about indictment :)

  29. Maybe….possilby,…if we get that decent DA:
    Allison Jackson!

  30. better yet JB, let’s circulate a county initiative that takes the appointing authority out of the Boards hands, and makes the Planning Director an ELECTED position.

  31. Biggest is no joke. With over 60 people in “Community Development” (more than we have Sheriff’s Deputies) I believe that based on population, we have the biggest and most expensive CD Department in the State. Hell, there are State departments in Sac. with smaller staffs.

  32. Come on “A Non A Me”, if that’s your real name, all that money isn’t going to waste itself. :(

  33. I don’t think an elected position is a good idea. I understand the reasoning – but, like term limits came about to get rid of Willie Brown, there can be unintended consequences.

  34. Except for us 5th district folks, the people of Humboldt have not demonstrated the capacity to vote for reasonable or balanced Supervisors lately.

    Arcata would vote for Ralphy for “Director of the Ministry of Properity”

    I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

  35. I love that this post is the first result you get if you google Kirk Girard’s name.

    Even if you accomplished nothing else, it would all be worth it.

  36. Awesome, friend!! Sadly, though, we have accomplished nothing else. But it’s been fun!

  37. Can all you remember that Kirk Girard is a human being and display some respect. I hope that those who are educated on this subject would also display an ounce of class.
    That being said, I would love to see how you complete the job of a planning director, and I say this knowing that, clearly, many of you don’t even have a college education. Kirk Girard has brought more money into this county through grants then any previous planning director. Do your research before you comment; the planning director can not be someone who is elected and if this were possible, the planning of a city would be completely dominated by people who have no planning background (like the commission) and ruled completely by those who have money for election propaganda. No thank you.

  38. So 1:39, has your head been up your ass for a while? I happen to like the ordinance and there’s still time to amend your name to the list.

  39. Kirk Girard has brought more money into this county through grants then any previous planning director. Do your research before you comment……..Anonymous

    That might be (grant dollars), I suggest that you do your research and reveal the long-term costs of decades of a coastal plan that consists of nothing but removing vegetation.
    One could start at Grant Central, Manila Ca. Walk the Overlook, if you still have the stomach, follow with a visit to the stripped fore dunes.
    Grants destroyed this once thriving emergent wetland, and for that extra sick touch, the grants were funded by State and Federal Wetlands monies. Hundreds of thousands of dollars used to pull weeds, ultimately, due to lack of oversight, destroyed our wetlands.
    I cannot begin to tell you how backwards this coastal behavior is. The expense and effort it will require to turn this around will be EPIC.

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