Palco names Winnie the Pooh to run reorganized company

In a blatant and successful attempt at upstaging its largest creditor group, the bankrupt Pacific Lumber Company announced Wednesday that it has appointed lovable Winnie the Pooh to run the company as it transitions from bankruptcy protection.

Earlier in the day, representatives of the timber note holders, who are owed a gazillion dollars by the company, named the much less popular former California Governor Pete Wilson to head up reorganization efforts for their plan, which stands little chance of being approved.

“If you’re going to have a reorganization plan figurehead, you really can’t do any better than Mr. Pooh,” said Palco attorney Frank Bacik. “He’s universally beloved, he has his own theme song, and he’s never worked for Richard Nixon.”

But both Palco and the note holders may be trumped by the expected announcement of a third post-bankruptcy plan mascot to represent the holier-than-thou plan put forth by Marathon, a secured creditor, and the Mendocino Redwood Company.

Sources close to Marathon and MRC have hinted privately that their transition team would be led by the Lord God Almighty, with Son of God and MRC Chairman Sandy Dean filling in on Sundays.

All three proposed plan agents have extensive timber management experience.

Pooh, a tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff, worked for many years in the 100-Acre Wood. Wilson played a minor role in the much-despised 1999 Headwaters Agreement, and God created trees.

Pooh called his appointment “absolutely, positively splendiferous.”

 

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16 Responses

  1. Pete Wilson? I honestly think he’s dead. Seroiusly. I haven’t heard of him in years.

  2. I saw a barely living Wilson last summer at the Wax Museum at Fishermen’s Wharf who was filling in for his better looking wax replica during some routine maintenance at the popular Bay Area tourist attraction.

  3. I would think MRC would go with the Dalai Lama instead of God. More open-minded and evolved. Fits MRC’s feel-good message about killing the trees so nicely they won’t know they’re dead.

  4. I want my Bon Bon. Pour honey over head. Put her whole head in the jar. Perhaps on her knees in front of Winnie, but bring her back! I need someone who is not animated to unfairly blame for all my ills just like the others unjustly and blindly blame Arkley. I know, I know Bon Bon really is responsible for many of our problems but I;m trying to make a point. We want her back!

  5. Bon Bon’s head in the honey pot!?? Why didn’t we think of that??! Graphics Department–Get on it!!

  6. Bon Bon’s head in the honey pot!?? read another way that’s absolutely disgusting.

  7. Oh right you are, Blue. We didn’t think of that either. Dumbugs!!

  8. Disgusting? Maybe, maybe not, but either way it does offer a number of possible explanations to several unanswered questions that inquiring minds want to know.

  9. Pete Wilson was dead even when he was alive…so to speak.

  10. Pooh is a tremendous choice. People may say he is a bit aloof, but he he gets great advice. He and I have the same investment consultant, who is none other than the Owl! He told Pooh the same thing he told me, “BUY Wonkavision!”

    As for the beloved Bon Bon… she needs a break from time to time. Modeling for the Mirror must be a demanding gig.

    -boy

  11. Ya know, to be honest, Pooh is wonderful and all, but if you use Pooh you are required to use Tigger … because we all know … the wonderful thing about Tigger’s is that Tigger’s are wonderful things.

  12. Their topth are made out of rubber, their bottomth are made out of thpring.

  13. Why did I use apostrophes when I wasn’t supposed to?

    I hate myself.

  14. dang typos :)

  15. They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!

  16. But the most wonderful thing about Bon Bon, is that she’s the only one.

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