Ruh-roh, Mofo

The usually genial and endearing Carson Park Mofo is hosting a major bitch-fight over at the Eureka Standard. There’s hair-pulling, eye-scratching, dozens of impressively insulting words (many of which we can’t even pronounce!) and a sprinkling of deleted comments.

It. Is. On.

We’ll recap them there fightin’ words in order of appearance:

“doddering
“agist (sic) pig
“lardy ass
“lack of discipline
“fat
“fucker
“fumbling circumlocution
“champion of grandmas
“racists
“incipient decrepitude
“pitifully uninformed
“feeble-minded
“unfit
“sniper fire delusion/chronic flight from credibility
“my grandmother is a racist
“mentally unfit
“senile old fart
“lardbucket
“Goddamn America
“baby
“angry and ignorant
“racists
“America is damned for killing innocet (sic) people
“I guess you dont (sic) follow Jesus
“right-wing ideologues
“Fox news viewers
“Republican
“rich people
“Cartmanesque glib ad hominem attacks
“not as funny as Cartman
“less substance
“self-hatred
“oafish tidbits of history from coffee table books about WWII
“polo champion
“avoirdupois
“fatuous innuendo
“stealing from your employer

We have only the vaguest idea what they’re arguing about—but friends! We’re Americans! Our wars don’t need reasons. Go join one side or the other, and let’s turn this thing blog-o-nuclear!!!

47 Responses

  1. They’re tearing that shit up over there. Get some!

  2. Goddammit, how did I miss this one?

    I hope no one has used caterwauling harpy yet, it really fits Glenn the best.

  3. They left out “douchebag” and “fuckstick.” What’s wrong with these people?

  4. Oh wait, now I know why, that site is an assault on the eyes.

  5. Yeah, there was no “cocknozzle” or “feces-caked ass of Bush’s illegitimate child” … or “John McCain’s so old he still thinks Hogan’s Heroes is a very funny, very accurate show.”

    What a bunch nannypants.

  6. *Sigh*
    We love Blue.

  7. We love Blue.

    Sickos.

  8. Now Blue, Goddammit, you said I was the caterwauling harpy!

  9. I know, I know, but christ Rose, even you will admit that given the junior high level of Glenn’s writing, his dearth of originality, his lack of training in constructing a logical argument and the plain dumbassedness of his editorials, that caterwauling harpy fits him like a leprechaun hat on a Bon Bon.

  10. Feh, that’s amateur hour over there. Since Carson Park [deleted] won’t let me play without removing my comments no matter how nice they are, can I tell him what I really think over here?

  11. Mouse, good friend, we would love to hear your thoughts on the subject. But please–for us–can you refrain from accusing anyone of sex offenses? Please? We can’t afford lawyers, and don’t really like them all that much anyway.

  12. Accusing him? Just a play-on-words, LIKE EVERYBODY DOES WITH MY FUCKING NAME.

    “E” DO YOU SEE IT AT THE END OF MY FUCKING NAME?

    How is that for a starter rant? :)

  13. Laughing out LOUD!

  14. err, ‘scuse me, Blue – caterwalling out LOUD!

  15. Let’s localize the insults …. John mcCain is so old his ear hair is considered old grwth forest … ba-dum-dum.

    No?

  16. We like it, Mous(e). Let ‘er rip.

    But Blue? That was a bit, er, wooden.

  17. “Bill Clinton lashed out at Barack Obama yesterday, he accused him of running a fairy tale campaign. It’s a fairy tale in which a horny king tries to get his queen elected to the White House so he can go out and fornicate with maidens, and then a handsome black prince comes along and screws the whole thing up for him. So, you can see why he’s very upset.” –Jimmy Kimmel

  18. What does Carson Park Ranger have against Anon.R.mous? Or is it the other way around? Or both ways around?

  19. Only 37 of the 100 shitty pronouncements CPR makes every morning while doing his toliet duty. YAAANN!

  20. Yaaann?

  21. Yeah and? Yawn? Yanni? We give up.

  22. Yanni?

    What the fuck?

    What’s next, a John Tesh mashup of his greatest fucking hits with a special guest appearance from the Trans-Siberian Railroad fuckers who make that awesome, kick-ass Christmas music while Susan Sarandon leads the Tuzsla City Children’s Choir in a rousing version of “Sniper”?

  23. I beleive Carson Park Ranger showed a lot of chutzpah on his blog post on this topic.

    Blue bugs, thanks for the Hunny and the adorable Pooh Bear on your header. Makes me feel warm and snuggly on this cold March morning.

  24. Believe.

  25. We knew what you meant, Auntie, and we’re glad you stopped by for a visit. We love new friends!!

  26. What does Carson Park Ranger have against Anon.R.mous? Or is it the other way around? Or both ways around?

    It comes from him being a bitch to me in one of his posts, then he removed all my posts when I found out about it. After that, I outed CPR as being Joel, a newcomer, to Eureka, he flipped out even more and wrote about it in the North Coast Journal how I called him a carpetbagger.

    Hell, someone told me that he pulled down the numbers on his house because he thought that I was going to hunt him down or something.

  27. I still laugh when I think about it.

  28. The gutless mouse. He’s a tough-talker, isn’t he?

    I delete his comments, because they are an obtuse combination of the profane and the vacuous. Others delete his comments as well.

    We removed the numbers on the house because they were ugly. We assume that even the dim-witted Anon-R-Mouse could determine an address without the numbers nailed on the porch.

  29. Mous(e) can’t possibly be more profane and vacuous than us, can he??

    We’ve enjoyed his independence through the years, and also enjoy our fake rivalry with the Carson Park Mofo. We hope both can continue.

    But CPM, we must add that if we took the numbers off our house, we probably wouldn’t be able to find our way home….

  30. Carson Park Ranger said:
    March 29, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    The gutless mouse. He’s a tough-talker, isn’t he?

    I delete his comments, because they are an obtuse combination of the profane and the vacuous. Others delete his comments as well.

    We removed the numbers on the house because they were ugly. We assume that even the dim-witted Anon-R-Mouse could determine an address without the numbers nailed on the porch.

    Oh Joel, why do you lie so much? Only you and your cyber-friend Heraldo remove my posts, and that’s because you two don’t value free speech. Now go be a good muppet and really fix what makes your house ugly. You’d think a graphic artist would know better than to do THAT to a home!

    So Joel, since you are so tough, and keep calling me gutless, how do you want to settle this? You want to have it out, or are you fine with your childish taunts? I mean I’m fine with making fun of your vector tracing “artwork” and poor layouts, but if you want to have at it, by all means, start talking a big game. Until then, you are twice as gutless as you think I am.

    And Fifi will poop where she pleases.

  31. Please don’t forget your doggie poo-poo bags, so you can clean up after Fifi.

  32. One blogger just called out another blogger, and you’re worried about where the first guy’s dog goes dookie? This could be setting a new standard for weird, and Jeffrey Lytle isn’t even involved. Who could have imagined?

  33. How can the Mouse go mano-a-mano with Joel without revealing his identity?

  34. Ahh, there’s the rub. It’s kinda like the Blogger’s picnic – all the anons will have to wear paper bags – or more creative masks. Or burkhas.

  35. I’m not hard to find, Anon-R-Mous, so it’s up to you.

  36. Carson Park Ranger said:
    March 30, 2008 at 10:03 am

    I’m not hard to find, Anon-R-Mous, so it’s up to you.

    That is not an answer.

  37. Maybe Bug will stop hammering the Bon Bon when she stops trying to be queen of Humboldt County. She hasn’t done shit in six terms except suck the taxpayer teat and build a personal fiefdom out of what is supposed to be public service. The fourth district voters who keep returning her to her throne need to have their fucking heads examined.

  38. Oh sorry. Wrong thread.

  39. Okay, Mouse. Since you seem to be spending time lurking around my house, let’s meet over in Carson Park.

    When’s a good time for you?

  40. Oh shit. I gotta be there for this one.

  41. With cameras. And score cards.

  42. And masks.

  43. Carson Park Ranger said:
    March 30, 2008 at 11:09 am

    Okay, Mouse. Since you seem to be spending time lurking around my house, let’s meet over in Carson Park.

    When’s a good time for you?

    3:30 am

  44. Or how about this, a battle of wits and skill. Why don’t you find out where I live and we can meet in the park next to my home?

    I mean, that would show your elite mad skills you have with a computer off.

    I think that would be fun. I can’t believe that person is working in his yard with the wind the way it is, can you believe it Joel?

  45. Time out! Here’s a fun link – The Blog Cuss-O-Meter How does your blog rate?

  46. Awesome test. We scored a HIGH. Evidently 48.2% of the pages on the Mirror contain cussing. This is 436% more than other websites who took this test.

    We’re so fucking proud!!

  47. Man! I only got 11.5%.

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