War of words continues in electoral haiku contest

Second and Third District candidates for the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors showed off their verbal wizardry Thursday at a competitive poetry jam attended by hundreds of potential voters.

But the event, sponsored by the League of Women Poets, wasn’t all fun and games.

The poetry jam raised almost a dollar for the Perpetual Campaign to Continuously Re-elect Bonnie Neely, which was apparently in need of both an envelope and a stamp so that the six-term supervisor could at long last respond to Third District candidate Bryan Plumley’s request for a meeting.

But it was another Third District candidate, Paul Pitino, who walked off with the event’s grand prize for this piece:

“No contributions
And no campaign endorsements
Maybe not so smart”

League President Marsha McBusybody called all of the haiku “powerful,” but said Pitino’s was especially moving.

“Like all great art, Paul’s work was transcendent,” McBusybody said. “In a very few words, we were made to understand the smallness of man, the vastness of his ambition and the vividly distinct possibility that Paul Pitino will mow lawns for a living until the day he dies.”

The other electoral haiku are listed below in alphabetical order by the candidate’s last name.

I love Indians
Local Solutions bought me
Blue Lake paid the bill

-Clif Clendenen, Second District

 

Unemployed DJ
Seventy thousand a year
Buys a lot of weed

-Estelle Fennell, Second District

 

Need a real job
Plan B is running Palco
I’d suck at that too

-Mark Lovelace, Third District

 

What sets me apart?
A Democrat with a job
Rare in Arcata

-Bryan Plumley, Third District

 

Hey you two-bit whores
Want to talk about apples?
Mine are fucking huge

-Roger Rodoni, Second District

92 Responses

  1. Another one from Marky Mark:

    Before you I stand
    A lispy wee crusader
    Vote for me or die

  2. Who you support for 3rd district. Oh, it’s pretty obvious isn’t it.

  3. Yes, Jane Doe. It is obvious. Neither you nor we would have nearly this much fun if blogging was supposed to be subtle.

  4. Anonymous 8:08 Who does Ms. Heraldo of the Humboldt Heraid support for 3rd. District? It’s pretty obvious isn’t it……..what a dumb ass.

  5. I had to go home and change my shirt, blew coffee all over it after reading this one. Thanks for the smile this morning.

  6. im no capitalist
    i get ranchland for a song
    in exchange for favors

    roger rodoni

  7. Why does Jane Doe always try to act like she’s not Jane Doe when she comes to this blog? Isn’t she the same person always castigating other bloggers for not sticking with a consistent pseudonym? Fucking hypocrite.

  8. You’re off slightly, Theo. the meter goes 5-7-5. I think you did 6-7-6. Otherwise fun.

  9. i make money off pot
    big envelopes full of cash
    being in power is nice

    roger rodoni

  10. i LOVE maxxam corp
    even though they screwed the workers
    its all about me

    roger rodoni

  11. was wee wee now look at me big pee pee/ moni mark

  12. Anonymous 8:08 Who does Ms. Heraldo of the Humboldt Heraid support for 3rd. District? It’s pretty obvious isn’t it……..what a dumb ass.

    Be careful brian! I tried to imply that The Hearald was endorsing Lovelace, and despite all of the love Lovelace is getting, it is not an endorsement. Standard horse shit from a blogger who won’t come out and say he endorses Lovelace, but yet posts stories singing his praises.

    I think that Heraldo won’t endorse Lovelace on the off chance that a photo pops up with Mark and Arkley locking lips, err, shaking hands. This way, Heraldo can destroy Mark on his blog, all while saying he never endorsed the guy.

    smart, or chicken shit?

    -boy (never afraid to post with my proper blog name)

  13. Aw Theo. Now you did 5-8-5. Oh well. Close enough.

  14. Boy – I just call “Heraldo” the “Humboldt Watershed Council blog.”

  15. Where has Jane been?

  16. Which one is Jane Doe?

  17. Anonymous | IP: 24.22.102.155

    Which one is Jane Doe?

    Jane Doe | IP: 24.22.102.155

    Gosh, Jane. We think it would be you. See how that works?

  18. LOL too funny. My IP address but wrong name.

  19. :)

  20. :)

  21. :)

  22. LOL

  23. Gosh, Jane. We’re convinced. It so isn’t you, clever girl.

  24. I will confess that a few months ago everyone here accused me of being Jane Doe so I posted as Jane Doe. You are such a fool to think you can assign an IP address to an anonymous poster who types in just any name. You are so paranoid.

  25. i call it paranoia to think that a blogger named “heraldo” can control the elections. thats a funny notion, but one that comes out of intense fear……..

  26. Jane–no one cares. Just go the fuck away.

  27. I am now, and I have never been, Jane Doe.

    Now. if you wish to take a peek at my IP adDRESS, please put more money into the machine after the curtain closes.

  28. Who thinks Heraldo could control the elections? I wouldn’t trust the guy (or gal) with a sharp stick.

  29. the voters control the election……the fact that you dont trust a person that youve never met is irrelevant…or is it paranoia?

  30. No, I am now and have never been Jane Doe.

  31. Heraldo blogger
    You put the fear in their hearts
    Keep free speech alive

    theo’s haiku about heraldo

  32. I’d call it pretty astute after reading that asinine shit off and on for a couple dreary years.

  33. You do realize that all Jane has to do to “disprove” the her earlier anon posts were her is to skeedaddle on down to one of her friend’s houses, or lacking any, which is likely, go to the library and post from their and say “nah nah” That wasnt me – HERE I am.

  34. I’m not actually seeing the fear, Theo. Your obsession with fear, yes. Actual fear, no.

  35. I am in power
    Endorsements mean everything
    I say who will win

    Heraldo

  36. Heraldo Insane
    Smears anyone on the right
    Mark L Sacred Cow…

  37. LOL

  38. the right? youve got to be kidding. NO ONE is on the right these days. being right-wing means wanting less government interference in the economy. right-wing ideals call for a SMALLER national government and MORE states rights. on both the national and local level, right-wing ideals have been abandonded completely.

  39. Bugs, block that ass munch Jane Doe already.

  40. Heraldo smears anyone who doesn’t agree with his/her narrow-minded far-left ideology. He/She is most famous for smearing people who largely agree with him/her but won’t go that one last step to outright extremism.

  41. Think happy poetry, friends! Haiku, Alexandrian couplets, maybe even a naughty limerick or two–but let’s think poetic for the rest of the day, shall we?

  42. And unhappy cop-haters, please stop posting your advertisements to our site. We’re not feeling your struggle. Thanks.

  43. The Magic Humbug
    Why would they call you a louse?
    Long Live the Bon Bon!

  44. the right? youve got to be kidding. NO ONE is on the right these days. being right-wing means wanting less government interference in the economy. right-wing ideals call for a SMALLER national government and MORE states rights. on both the national and local level, right-wing ideals have been abandonded completely.

    Ya see, this is the shit that pisses me off. The party of child rapists, also known as the Republican party, has never been about smaller government, it’s been about fucking over the American people to get as much dirty money into your pocket as possible.

    The Republican brand is the brand of thieves, of sexual deviance so nasty, the leaders in the Catholic church are shaking their heads.

    Since that dipshit fool Reagan took office, we have seen an endless parade of charlatans stealing from the American people, in fact, asswipe McCain was in on all of it, the fucking thief.

    Republicans are the party of sexual repression and wannabe theocrats who believe Jesus really does care if they fuck the neighbors dog while the wife wears a diaper.

    Fuck the right wing, fuck the Republicans and fuck that dry-drunk cokehead fuck who stole an election in 2000.

    The fucking nerve of some people, after 7 years of criminal activity, to post something about the nobility of the “right.”

  45. Newcomer fuckwad
    Shoebag jackhammer buttwipe
    The banjo bozo

  46. Boy most likely to
    Is one of our closest friends!!
    Big hugs from the bugs!

    And the rest of y’all….
    wow, ouch, snap, etc.

  47. Fucking piss shit bitch
    Blow my dirty old she-goat
    You cock-sucking shits

  48. Okay then, friends. That certainly is, uh, poetic! We guess as long as the meter is right we can let it slide…..

  49. Looking in mirror
    we only see our own flaws
    and then project them

  50. I didn’t know Bush was a cokehead. The things you learn on blogs.

  51. Looking in mirror
    we only see our own flaws
    and then project them

  52. Jane, you un-artistic buffoon. It is “we see only,” not “we only see.” Work on that.

  53. Someone’s repeating herself and needs to be blocked.

  54. The right wing is dead
    george bush is a socialist
    The sheep will vote red

    theo’s haiku about the current “right wing”

  55. george bush loves jesus
    jesus was a known leftist
    the government grows larger

  56. who would jesus bomb?
    he said, turn the other cheek
    bush drops bombs for “peace”

  57. Nice ones, Theo!! That’s the spirit!

  58. tax breaks for the top
    let the middle class buy bombs
    the lower class grows

  59. the right wing’s big plan
    free prescription drugs for everyone!!
    socialist stupor

  60. Hate-Filled Humboldt Blue
    Very Progressive of him
    Reagan Wall No More

  61. states rights? ha, who cares?
    consolidated power
    Big Brother knows best

  62. Hate-Filled Humboldt Blue

    Very Progressive of him

    Reagan Wall No More

  63. thank gosh its friday
    too much work to pay taxes
    the rich have it good

  64. rich man is in hell
    cant he get into heaven?
    jesus says no way

  65. the taxman cometh
    april 15th is nearby
    my money buys bombs

  66. estelle on the air
    rodoni on the ranchland
    who is mark lovelace?

  67. will i even vote?
    only if heraldo says
    i am a robot

  68. is it quiting time?
    my boss would really hate this
    im still on the clock

  69. Fucking off all day
    Screwing around on the blogs
    Now it’s drinking time

  70. GO AWAY THEO THERME -we don’t like you….quit posting a thousand goddamn times (or get your own blog)

  71. do you hate haiku?
    go away! we dont like you!
    must have hit a nerve

    theo’s haiku about 4:32

  72. theo therme must have a government job.

  73. im corporate scum
    i once worked for the county
    a job is a job

    theo’s haiku about brian

  74. We love Theo. Post all you want, brotha.

  75. General Bon Bon
    Where is your little birdie?
    Poo Poo on your stars

    -boy

  76. yes I go down/ but whinny libs gobble too/marks lower yet

  77. You’re gettin’ good at that Theo!

  78. Worked all yesterday
    Missed all the blogging fun
    What will Monday bring?

  79. Funny Humboldt bugs-
    Entertained dressing Bonnie
    Like to stir it up

  80. Fennell is our gal
    Rodoni’s teflon stetson
    and Clif’s aw-shucks suck.

  81. Carol!!! So nice to see you after a long and painful absence. We missed you!! And, as an aside, we couldn’t help noticing the link from your website’s blogroll to the humble Mirror is, well, not in evidence. Have we been jilted and just don’t know it? Say it isn’t so, sister. You know we’re a little bit in love….

  82. Hi bugsters! You noticed!!! Well, I am over being mad at you two, cute buggies. I told Greg to put you back on the blog roll, although he may be slightly jealous of our “relationship”.

  83. Removed the Humbugs
    Carol was a wee bit miffed –
    Greg, put them back on!

  84. Oh, all right. But the next time you get mad at a bug I want a cooling-off period before I delete a link.

  85. Blue Humbugs are cute!
    My favorite avatar
    In Humboldt County.

  86. Girlfriend–So we’re back together again? This is the best day ever!! Listen, love, Greg doesn’t even need to know! Our little blue lips are sealed. Promise!!

    XOXOXO

  87. No, I don’t keep secrets from Greg. And Greg isn’t interested in making love with bugs.

    But let’s stay friends forever!

    xoxoxo

  88. Hey, these guys aren’t even Love Bugs!

  89. BTW, I have been sneaking over to your place via Fred’s and Carson Park Rangers’ links.
    ;)

  90. filthy insects! anyway, your link is back up over at our place.

  91. Hey, I LIKE insects. Yum!

  92. Oh shit, Carol. We think that Greg guy might be onto us. And Turtle–good god you’re right!! We’ve got a natural predator right here in our home!!! Thank heavens he can’t move very fast….

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