Mirror Graphics Dept. targeted in federal raid

We’re so shocked!!

Fortunately, our lazy chiefers managed to continue working from an undisclosed location—and look who they ran in to!

The Bon Bon does get around, doesn’t she?

Good luck, friends!

Burn clinic filled with local hair salon patrons

Lightening causes fires throughout Humboldt County,” according to the headline of a Times-Standard story Sunday.

We always suspected going blond couldn’t be healthy, but who knew it caused fires?

Salon patrons who darkened their hair instead fared much better. Six gagged from noxious fumes, but none burst into flames or choked to death while laughing at the huge number of mistakes in the Times-Standard’s story.

Local couple’s marriage totally ruined by all the gays getting hitched

A local couple confirmed on Tuesday the worst fears of many when it announced that its marriage had been “completely wrecked” by the huge number of gay and lesbian couples in California who began lining up to take their wedding vows when so-called “gay marriage” became legal Monday afternoon.

“Our holy matrimony now basically blows,” said the Eureka husband, who spoke with the Humboldt Mirror on condition of anonymity.

His wife of nine years agreed.

“My best friend and I both married our high school sweethearts just to piss off our parents. And now it turns out we could have pissed them off so much more if we’d held out a few years and married each other instead,” she said. “It’s devastating, really.”

“That’s what everyone means when they talk about the underpinnings of marriage being destroyed by this bullshit court ruling,” her husband said.

“It’s the passing of the American way of life,” he said. “It wasn’t so long ago that women submitted to their husbands, black people knew their place, and homos took their involuntary electroshock treatments without all the whining. Now look where we are.”

Times-Standard says ‘playaing’ helps kids learn

We wonder if it works for reporters and copy editors.

Hope the oversight wasn’t related to this

Attack of the killer tomatoes!

It’s practically summer, and we can’t eat tomatoes? Really? What the eff is this world coming to?

Next we’ll be told to stay away from Mrs. Baird’s Buns and Mommy’s Bliss Nipple Cream.

Unacceptable!!

(Is there any way we can blame this on the Chinese?)

St. Joe’s time capsule contains incorrect billing statements from the 1950s

A time capsule inadvertently unearthed Wednesday at St. Joseph Hospital in Eureka contained some of the earliest known examples of the institution’s now routine pattern of overbilling for medical services.

St. Joe CEO Joe Mark confirmed Thursday that inside the small steel box, found by construction crews, were invoices showing disputed and excessive charges, along with clear evidence of misapplied payments dating back to the mid-20th Century.

Finding the artifacts, Mark said, was a “stroke of luck” that left several construction company employees temporarily paralyzed on their left side.

By Friday morning, the workers had been treated, released, billed six times for the same procedure and turned over to a collection agency.

Lovelace already doing his part for local business

Let the screwing begin.

Third District Supervisor-elect Mark Lovelace used his election-night party to demonstrate his strong support for local businesses, when he reserved a large room at Plaza Grill, in Arcata, and then brought his own food to the restaurant for supporters to eat.

The amount of money paid for the room: $0.

The amount of money spent on food: $0.

The privilege of doing “business” with the great Mark Lovelace: priceless.

A small clarification

Dear Fourth District Supervisor for Life,

You were supposed to go to the poll, not the Pole.
Hope you’re not billing that travel expense to the county.

Love forever,

The bugs

If you don’t vote today, you can’t complain tomorrow

And we suspect there will be much to complain about….

So get out there and do your civic duty and whatnot.

And might we just note what a shame it is that we can’t elect a new Graphics Department while we’re at it? Here it is election day, and we’re having to run a recycled photo! On election day!! It’s downright unpatriotic.

At least the penis is gone.

Stop blogging and start voting!!! Good luck to all the candidates.

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