Lunesta stocks surge on word of Gundersen release

Pharmaceutical company Sepracor, manufacturer of the popular sleep aid Lunesta, saw its stock value jump by more than 5 percent Tuesday morning, hours after investors learned that former Blue Lake police chief David Gundersen had been released from jail on bond.

The stock spike followed Wall Street’s worst single-day sell-off in U.S. history.

“I don’t know who this douchebag Gundersen guy is,” said one trader, “but there’s no denying he’s like a one-man economic bailout plan.

“Get it?” the trader laughed. “Bail out?”

But analysts were not entirely amused.

“Sepracor isn’t out of the woods yet,” one noted. “If that glutton-for-punishment backwoods district attorney elects to proceed on the other rape charge, Gundersen could return to custody, which would crater–albeit briefly–demand for the company’s flagship product.”

Today in understatement:

The prosecution has a real problem,” said UC Berkeley law professor Franklin Zimring.

Oh, if only he knew….

Zimring was referring of course to District Attorney Paul Gallegos’ most recent predicament, this one involving David Gundersen’s conviction Tuesday on 11 misdemeanor counts of battery.

Even as the ink on the jury’s verdict forms was drying, the Humboldt Mirror began receiving e-mails about possible statute of limitations problems related to a series of sexually explicit photos apparently taken without his wife’s permission.

But let’s look on the bright side. Not one but two legal scholars weighed in on the matter in today’s Times-Standard, and it does not appear that Gallegos has plagiarized from either of them yet.

Gallegos found guilty of wankering another big case

In a related development, former Blue Lake police chief David Gundersen was found not guilty of raping his most recent wife.

A big cheer anyway for our idiot district attorney.

We say “douche,” you say “bag.”

DOUCHE.

Cheri Moore: Evidently still dead

If there’s anything worse than beating a dead horse, it’s beating a dead crazy chick.

But a big shout-out anyway to the Times-Standard for marking the important two-year, four-month anniversary of the police shooting death of Cheri Lynn Moore with a touching homage, courtesy of a couple of family members who are suing a long list of law enforcement and other city and county officials over Moore’s death.

The first ten or so readers of the T-S article who commented online were divided in their opinion of the story’s merit. Around half thought the story was bullshit, whereas the other half thought it was fucking bullshit.

You decide.

She might want to take another look at that ‘supporter’ list…

Still reportedly smarting from her brush with real employment during the 2006 campaign, our favoritest Humboldt County Supervisor Bonnie Neely is leaving nothing to chance next time around.

Two separate e-mailers told the Humboldt Mirror that they received phone calls from Ms. Neely requesting campaign contributions for her anticipated return to the public trough–in 2010.

The first said that when he answered the phone, he assumed Neely was calling on behalf of Clendenen, Atkins or Clark, three candidates whose names will appear on actual ballots and everything in the current election cycle.

“But she just wanted  money for herself,” he said, and added that he had no idea how his name ended up on her list of supporters.

“I wouldn’t vote for her if she were the only candidate running,” he said. “Learning that she’s this focused already on an election more than two years from now only confirms that.”

The second e-mailer said Neely didn’t even attempt a campaign pitch.

“There was no discussion of any accomplishments or goals. She simply said she was planning ahead for 2010 and my early support would make a tremendous difference.”

Of course, how much time could the Bon Bon be expected to waste on accomplishments and goals when she’s busy campaigning for an election more than two years away?

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 54 other followers