Lunesta stocks surge on word of Gundersen release

Pharmaceutical company Sepracor, manufacturer of the popular sleep aid Lunesta, saw its stock value jump by more than 5 percent Tuesday morning, hours after investors learned that former Blue Lake police chief David Gundersen had been released from jail on bond.

The stock spike followed Wall Street’s worst single-day sell-off in U.S. history.

“I don’t know who this douchebag Gundersen guy is,” said one trader, “but there’s no denying he’s like a one-man economic bailout plan.

“Get it?” the trader laughed. “Bail out?”

But analysts were not entirely amused.

“Sepracor isn’t out of the woods yet,” one noted. “If that glutton-for-punishment backwoods district attorney elects to proceed on the other rape charge, Gundersen could return to custody, which would crater–albeit briefly–demand for the company’s flagship product.”

9 Responses

  1. It actually did go up. I saw the stock ticker. That’s hysterical.

  2. That’s what that first link is to. Pretty funny.

  3. I should have dumped my WOnkaVision stock weeks ago.

    *sigh*

    -boy

  4. Plus the demand for extra small size trojans has spiked in Humboldt County. Just ask for “The Dave”.

  5. stop…my sides hurt. how did I miss this site? some very funny sh*t

  6. Dave, make sure you bring back Lunesta to jail. You’re going to need it!

  7. Dave’s jail days are over, weapons charges will be thrown out. Pictures of your wife naked. Give me a break. Life, family, etc. destroyed. Eight months in jail. At what cost to taxpayers. Paul is a gift that just keeps on giving. Best part is that both he and his wife made money on the deal. He in salary, she as fees. They go happy on their way.

    If you count all the people with Rx’s from MD’s, folks drinking and smoking pot, I would say 80 % of the sex in this county is between people who legally are unable to give consent. Probably lots of nude pictures if you looked into all the computers.

  8. The Bon Bon behind bars???!!!!! Frickiing Faantasssticcckkkk!! How can I help to get it DONE?

  9. Welcome, Carroll. We heart new blog friends!!

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