We’re plotting our glorious return, and boy will it be mediocre!!

The irreverence you love…. The irrelevance you’ve come to expect….

That’s right, friends! Just as soon as we round up those lazy bastards from the Graphics Department, The Humboldt Mirror will reclaim its spotty reputation and half-hearted production schedule. Go ahead! Thank us!!

But this may take a while. Last we heard from those miscreant designers, they were muling transporting kush product for Chris Kerrigan’s latest failure venture. Let’s hope Chris is a better dealer agricultural retailer than campaign manager (although it’s statistically unlikely that he could be any worse).

So listen up, Graphics Department. We’ve got things to do, people to skewer, trouble to cause.  And how are we to do this without the highly stylized if somewhat predictable graphic content both of our readers have come to know and love? Hmm? How?

So come on home to the bugs. Put down that dank and crack open an honest, wholesome PBR. Think of the fun we’ll have, the shit we’ll disturb, the many seconds of entertainment we’ll provide.

And if that’s not working for you, think of the information we’ll turn over to your parole officers if you don’t.

Yeah. That information.

What?? You’re coming back? We’re delighted!!

See you very soon, friends!

Hugs!!

88 Responses

  1. You better not be jerking our chain, bugs. We’ve missed you so much.

  2. Crawford and Kerrigan are in a tight race for worst campaign manager in the county

  3. Out of curiosity, 1:52, does Crawford charge candidates loads of money like Kerrigan does, or is he more of a volunteer? My opinion, when you work for free you do the best you can. When you charge big consulting fees, you ought to deliver. I mean deliver something other than an unbroken string of losses.

  4. Except for Kerrigan crushed Crawford in the City Council race in 2004, and he defeated Rob Arkley’s money in the 2006 Board of Supervisor’s race, which allowed Nancy Flemming to become city manager of Rio Dell. Kerrigan has won more than he has lost.

  5. Uh, anyone here remember John Edwards? If we count the number of times Kerrigan campaigned (unsuccessfully) for that douchebag, he might turn out to be the losingest loser of them all.

  6. Arkley’s money my ass. That was pocket change for him. He wasn’t even trying. Nancy barely ran, and she still lost by fewer than 200 votes. Yay Kerrigan.

  7. Was Chris actually Bonnie’s official campaign manager? I thought she used Meghan Vogel. So how is that even considered Kerrigan’s victory?

  8. Here’s the best part of this dim witted argument: that the lefties would defend Kerrigan as having some sort of ability. LET THEM. Please. It just means they’ll continue using that idiot, and he’ll continue losing.

  9. Back less than one day and already the haters have gathered. You think the progs know how comical their Arkley hatred is and how dumb it makes them look?

  10. Once I think Cheri Arkley bought some Girl Scout Cookies. Can’t believe those corrupt little bitches took her money.

  11. Yes Anon but they took it, didn’t they? And have they not been pursuing the Arkley agenda every since? All of those camping trips and badges are just another part of the vast right wing conspiracy.

  12. Kerrigan 3
    Arkley 0

  13. Arkley is a failed campaign manager? Who knew. Those proggies sure are smart. By the way–who was it who beat Kerrigan’s replacement candidate for Kerrigan’s own council seat? Oh that’s right. Good work, Chris.

  14. Is someone seriously arguing Chris Kerrigan is a more successful human being than Rob Arkley? Only one of them is currently shilling for a pot dispensary, while the other I believe is a billionaire. Don’t make me choose which one I’d rather be, 3:56.

  15. Not to interrupt anyone’s conspiracy theorizing, but this post doesn’t have anything to do with Rob Arkley. If you friends want to continue obsessing about him–you know, more power to you and all that, but it does come off as a touch pathetic. Hugs, even to the sad people with the bad math!!

  16. Chris Kerrigan really is working at that pot place in Arcata? I heard that a couple weeks ago and thought it was a joke.

  17. Well hell, Anon. If it’s on a blog, it must be true.

    Enough tinkering for one day. Signing off, friends. Try to play nicely.

  18. Welcome back, bug

  19. Kerrigan has been on a bit of a losing streak lately.

    But the biggest loser this decade when it comes to backing local candidates is Arkley:

    Cherie Arkley
    Connie Miller
    Ben Shepherd
    Rex Bohn
    Worth Dikeman
    Marty Beth Wolford
    Nancy Flemming
    Johanna Rodoni
    Bryan Plumley
    John Vevoda
    Polly Endert

    Those are just a few I can think of off the top of my head.

  20. Curious that several of those candidates received no support from Arkley at all, and in at least two cases Arkley actually funded an opponent. Whose talking points do you think he gets his information from?

    Anyway 4:40, the loser Kerrigan really is pimping for a mj dispensary in Arcata. What a civic leader he turned out to be. Someone should have told him precociousness as an attractive quality has a shelf-life, and his expired some time ago.

  21. Yes, welcome back bug. Back to the world of hate mongers and trolls. I can understand why you stayed away so long. But I always enjoy your humor and good cheer. Thanks.

  22. Connie Miller & Rex Bohns election parties were a real hoot. Miller kicking out the media after the firsts election reports came in was my personal fav

  23. Two more people more successful than Chris Kerrigan will ever be.

  24. Kris Kerrigan works for a legal business that distributes a legal product. No different than any of the local companies that distribute beer, wine & distilled spirits.

  25. Shit, I think Dave Jervis might be doing better than Kerrigan. And Dave Jervis isn’t doing very well at all.

  26. Chris’s mom, that’s okay. Don’t feel so bad. It’s probably not your fault he’s a loser.

  27. But Jervis won with Clendenen, a candidate so dumb he should count double.

  28. Connie Miller’s expression after the initial election reports were announced was priceless

  29. Actually 6:01 I don’t think there are federal laws prohibiting the distribution of beer, wine and distilled spirits. So I guess you could say it is different.

  30. And Kerrigan’s after the Fennell debacle was classic. How do you have every sponsor in Southern Humboldt, spend more than $10 a vote, and still come up empty? He’s brilliant. I actually fear for the marijuana industry with him involved in it. I didn’t think anything could tank it, but now I’m not so sure.

  31. How Bohn lost that race is a mystery to me. Crawford is pure poison to a campaign.

  32. Alcohol was once illegal under federal law too. The federal government recognizes the law in California that makes the cultivation and distribution legal.

    Kerrigan defeated an incumbent City Councilmember at age 20, then won re-election by trouncing his Arkley-financed opponent at age 24. Nobody on this blog has accomplished as much.

  33. The federal government recognizes it as a state law that conflicts with federal law. The current administration has stated that it has no plans to enforce that particular federal law, but in fact enfocement actions have continued across the state.

    And alcohol was once illegal? Really? I must have missed that day in fourth grade. Thanks for the info.

  34. Chris also holds the record for getting more blow jobs in alleys than anyone else I know. It’s gratifying to see that after his youthful political career he developed into a man of substance.

  35. Drug dealing used to be illegal too. In fact, it still is.

  36. Alcohol was illegal in the United States from 1920-33, during a period that is generally referred to as Prohibition.

    Enforcement continues in California against those who grow cannabis in a manner that violates the law, just like enforcement continues against people who distill spirits in a manner that violates the law.

  37. So that blow job thing is true too? I’ve really learned a lot today.

  38. Chris should have given up after the City Council. Those two victories marked very low points for the local conservatives.

  39. I think the last election marked the low point for conservatives.

    You lost big in the Board of Supes races: Not a single Republican on the BOS now. A progressive replaced the most conservative member of the BOS, in the most conservative district in the County. You also alienated Jimmy Smith big time by putting up John Vevoda against him. That was a stupid tactical mistake. Jimmy is by nature an extreme moderate. You moved him to the left just by pissing him off.

    In the Eureka City Council race, you defeated a weak candidate in George Clark, but Linda Atkins stunning victory over Polly Endert balanced that out.

    Mark Lovelace replaces John Woolley. The right you disliked Woolley, but I know that having Lovelace on the BOS makes you choke on your cornflakes every morning.

    The left is going to mount a serious campaign to oust Dennis Hunter from the Harbor Commission in November. Jeff Leonard and Mike Jones are termed off the Eureka City Council next year. Ron Kuhnel came within 30 votes of ousting Leonard in ’06 and he is going to run again in ’10. The conservatives have no candidate to put up against him. Ditto for Larry Glass, who is so strong the right may not even bother to challenge him.

    Victories by Glass & Kuhnel gives Eureka a progressive majority on the City Council. Then there is Jones’ seat. If the progressives win that seat too, Dave Tyson will have to change the way he manages the city or go elsewhere.

  40. Who is that chick always sucking Chris off? I heard she was married. Oh well.

  41. Damn straight, 7:23. You progs are clearly in control. And look what a success you’re making of it. Spent months and months and months arguing over a couple of trees alongside a road, and are still arguing over them now even after Save the Redwoods said your concerns were bullshit. Also, I see you’re moving along briskly with rail-trail solutions. Oh and thanks for the sales tax increase. And for mandatory garbage. Thanks for fewer police officers and sheriff’s deputies. Thanks for the TPZ debacle, and let’s not forget redevelopment. If the point is to be in charge, high fucking five dude. But I think they were elected to make this a better place to live, and on that point they have failed miserably.

  42. Our very first day back, friends, and already we have one lonely prog camped out on the blog for six hours straight, lest one moderate viewpoint go unanswered. Already we have insults, inaccuracies, misrepresentations, bad math, bad faith. We have trolling. We have Arkley hatred. We have revisionist history. We have blow jobs, for Christ’s sake. Blow jobs!! You people have no idea how encouraged we are. Thanks for making us welcome!

  43. Conservatives have controlled Eureka City government since it’s inception and have utterly failed in transitioning the city from the depleted resource-extraction economy because they lack vision.

    Meanwhile, Arcata, controlled by progressives for three decades, has become a model of sustainable, desirable economic development.

    The vast majority of progressives in Humboldt County support the Richardson Grove realignment project. As a matter fact, the project’s biggest boosters are Democrats. Can you name one progressive elected official who opposes the project? The only opposition is from a few vocal lefties.

    Call up Sheriff Philp and ask him why the Sheriff’s Dept. isn’t suffering from the same fiscal woes as the Eureka PD. He will tell you it’s because of Humboldt’s lone legislator in Sacramento, a Democrat, who is the Legislature’s most influential supporter of a program called “Rural Sheriffs.”

    The city of Eureka’s budget problems are the direct result of declining revenues caused by a severe nationwide recession that started with a Republican in the White House and Republican control of Congress.

    City Councilman Larry Glass, a Democrat, has led the fight to prevent deep cuts to Eureka’s police force, proposed by City Manager Dave Tyson, a Republican.

    Mark Mateoli, a former chairman of the Republican Central Committee, chaired Eureka’s first redevelopment panel, which is responsible for the restoration of Old Town Eureka, the city’s greatest attribute.

  44. Oh, because I could have sworn you just finished going on about how firmly the left ruled local government. But all in all, it sounds like you’re not a frothing lefty. There are some good ones and some bad ones on both sides. I don’t vote party, I vote ability. For example–like a lot of people I voted for Atkins and for Jager in the city. We probably don’t disagree about that much, but I can tell you for certain that you’re wrong about Philp. His budget situation is dire. Lots of deputy positions cut, and overtime all but eliminated. Fuel is killing them. EPD got a tiny haircut compared to SO.

  45. I don’t know about the Sheriff’s Dept.’s plight. Has it received as much ink as the Eureka PD’s woes?

    You are probably right, we are probably not far apart on the issues. I’m not anti-railroad. I support economic development that is innovative and green. I don’t support building a Home Depot on the last remaining piece of waterfront left in the city. I cringe at the thought of building a revenue base for Eureka heavily dependent on sales tax.

    Caltrans’ proposal for Richardson Grove will absolutely not change the character of that stretch of highway, the gateway to Humboldt County from the south. It is extremely well-designed. The far lefties are wasting their time on this. There are better battles for them to fight.

  46. Oh, I also support slowing down establishing any Marine Protected Areas in Humboldt County until there is more scientific study. I strongly support restoring the North Coast’s fisheries and re-establishing vigorous commercial and recreational fishing industries. I believe these industries go hand-in-hand with a healthy environment. Commercial fisherman and recreational fishing pros are among the enviro’s biggest natural allies, in my opinion.

  47. the last remaining piece of waterfront left in the city.

    actually, the property is not waterfront. it is on waterfront drive. the water is across the street, adjacent to the waterfront parcels of land, boat ramp, and docks.

    have a looky loo:

    http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=waterfront+drive,+eureka&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=38.775203,79.013672&ie=UTF8&ll=40.801677,-124.174304&spn=0.009064,0.01929&t=h&z=16&iwloc=A

    Feel better about home depot now?

  48. I think Philp has been taking his lumps and understanding that things are tough all over. At this point, why complain? It is what it is.

    Sounds like we line up pretty much on the issues except for Home Depot. I really hope we get one, for jobs, for sales tax and because I really like the store and am tired of having to drive to Crescent City to avoid getting ripped off by Pierson’s. What’s funny to me is that the current site, yeah, is not waterfront, but more important in my mind has not been used for anything but garbage, drug deals and homeless people crapping for decades. Suddenly when a certain someone wants to build on it, that piece of property is the jewel of Humboldt Bay. Personally, I don’t care if it gets built there. But if not there, I hope we get one somewhere in Eureka for the reasons stated above.

    That business about letting in a big box is going to turn us into Santa Rosa or worse is ridiculous. Let stores in judiciously, case by case, with planning, study and discussion about what kind of community we want to have. Don’t throw open the doors to whatever, not that things could look much worse than the collection of strip malls we already have along Broadway. No one wants to put stores in the middle of national parks. But the way some people misrepresent the issues you’d think we do.

  49. 421, your argument is so old- I could throw a rock from the balloon tract and it would splash in the bay.

    The property is prime waterfront real estate.

  50. Yeah, let’s build a Home Depot on prime waterfront property for those 10 people who drive 2 hours to Crescent City to save a nickel. You guys are true visionaries. Shit, why not just continue over to Grants Pass and save the sales tax?

    I hear Michigan has a great return on bottles and can. Gas up the rig and make it happen.

  51. Better yet, 9:10, let’s mischaracterize the facts of the case, because if you farily represented the other side of the argument people might recognize its validity.

  52. Oh wait. Never mind. You’re already doing that.

  53. The property is a prime eyesore that no one in this town gave one small turd about until Arkley wanted to build on it.

  54. I honestly don’t know a single person who objects to having a Home Depot in town. I’m left to conclude that there are around 50 unemployed bloggers and a couple of self-promoting NGOs wanting to make a splash about this non-issue stirring up all of this sound and fury. Which, if you recall, signifies nothing.

  55. What does this have to do with Chris Kerrigan? Wait a minute—–has he been getting blow jobs on Waterfront Drive?

  56. What’s the matter, duh? Jealous?

  57. Yeah a little bit, actually. But I don’t know. Maybe that’s the closest he can get to an adult relationship. I’d rather have my wife and kids. Of course I wouldn’t complain if my wife wanted to …. Ah forget it.

  58. I could throw a rock from the balloon tract and it would splash in the bay.

    waterfront:

    the area of a city (such as a harbor or dockyard) alongside a body of water.

    property that has shoreline which physically touches the water.

    i am not disputing your throwing skills.

  59. It takes a wharf over the bay for 421 to declare himself on the waterfront.

    I feel you pain.

  60. An eyesore? You been down there lately? Arkley has done a great job cleaning it up, and if he clears out the contaminated soil, the development posibilities are endless. But true visionaries, like you Mr Gans see the beauty of a giant warehouse on a football field of asfault. Progress at it’s best.

  61. the thing is, it is not quite honest to call that property waterfront. almost, but not quite. if you sold somebody waterfront property, they would expect to be able to pull a boat up to their land, build a dock, etc. like the property across the street. it is close to the bay, yes. you might be able to throw a rock and hit the water from a narrow piece of the land, but waterfront it is not.

  62. Sometimes Chris can see the water during his blow jobs, and sometimes he can’t. Not sure where I’m going with that, but thought I’d put it out there.

  63. What do you expect from a guy who abandons his city council job so he can have the honor of working for a man who cheats on his wife while she’s dying of cancer? That right there is class.

  64. Sorry–make that class. I like italics.

  65. Your right 421, an honest Real Estate Agent would never list the balloon tract as waterfront property. Sorry.

    Ha!

  66. Wait just a goddamn minute. 421 is Randy Gans? Fuck!! All this time we thought WE were Randy Gans.

  67. Oh and anonymous 1:10, WE like italics too. Hugs!!

  68. And screw that damn Waterfront Cafe. Talk about a false advertisement!

    I say we turn it into a mini Lowes and let’em slug it out with HD.

  69. Sounds like the well’s run dry at home for you guys. May I suggest Ashley Madison?

    http://www.ashleymadison.com/

  70. SO glad you two are back. You have definitely, and I mean definitely, been missed.

  71. And might I add that the twitter and tags sidebars are wonderful additions. I can’t wait to see what you do next.

  72. Your right 421, an honest Real Estate Agent would never list the balloon tract as waterfront property. Sorry.

    Ha!

    ???
    I was just pointing out the fact it isn’t “the last remaining piece of waterfront left in the city”

    whatever

  73. Kerrigan doesn’t have a dime-bag sized brain in his head. For a while the cute seemed to compensate for the dumb, but now he’s just another washed up child star. He’ll probably start selling drugs or something next—– Oh right. Okay.

  74. I am concerned that this site is too funny. I am used to lame, dumb and overly hostile forums of stupidity. Please adjust accordingly.

  75. Well anonymous, you’ve come to the right place. Lame and dumb are two of the most popular terms used to describe us, along with irrelevant, mediocre and lazy. Welcome, friend!

  76. I can’t excuse the bugs for taking months off at a time. I used to read this blog daily, but I gave up after thier 6-month hiatus. Lazy effing bugs.

  77. Im a bitch, Im a bitch
    Oh the bitch is back
    Stone cold sober as a matter of fact
    I can bitch, I can bitch
    `cause Im better than you
    Its the way that I move
    The things that I do

    I entertain by picking brains
    Sell my soul by dropping names
    I dont like those, my god, whats that
    Oh its full of nasty habits when the bitch gets back

  78. 1. troll killer

    One on a message board who takes care of trolls by reporting them, getting large numbers of users to block them, or humiliating them. There are troll killers who rise to the occasion as needed and there are troll killers who simply do it for fun.

    I do it just for fun. You Kerrigan and Arkley-haters watch out. The shit is about to fly if you think you be trollin here

  79. Sorry, Crawford takes the cake as worst Campaign Manager in the county. Bohn losing to Kerrigan by such a wide margin was unbelievable.

    And how much money did he throw at the 2000 1st District Supervisor race? Outspend the field and was walloped.

  80. Anything like the margin Jager beat Clark by? I remember that as being impressive.

  81. That was anticipated. Atleast I did. Did anyone think Clark would really challenge Frank?

    I really thought Bohn would humble boy Kerrigan.

  82. Be gone yo lowly trolls. Who gives a shit about Kerrigan anyway. Total low life.

  83. Isn’t that what this blog post is about? Am I off topic?

  84. Topics today included our glorious but mediocre return, the fricking Graphics Department, nug-lugging and, yes, young Chris Kerrigan, pot dispensary and campaign manager extraordinaire. So in my view, Anon–precisely on topic. Pay attention you rascally Anonymous!!

  85. Ahhh just another ordinary day then.

    To tell you the truth bugs….it needs palm trees and bikinis. That will cool the raging souls. I’m guessing that Bonnie Sushi might be premature?

    Yeah ok…forget that

    Just in time for the election cycle.

    Welcome back bugs.

    Dog

  86. Dog…you are like sweet music to our ears. Oh, just you wait. There will be palm trees enough to make Fidel roll over in his grave. And, there will be enough bikinis to make Florida blush. Take a load off. Hang out a bit. Have fun. We are.

  87. Welcome back bugs! I was so tired of reading that grumpy Heraldo.

  88. Thanks GD, looking forward to it.

    Loved the BonBon Beach party before as, it is now commonly believed that…hmmmmm. (12 bar blues in A minor)

    “My Bonnie lies over the ocean,
    my Bonnie lies over the sea,
    my Bonnie has newfound devotion,
    but her lies are diffused by palm trees.”

    And you thought the bikinis and palm trees were just design elements.

    We’ll talk about the beach balls later.

    Dog

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