The tragical history of Dr. Faust

faust_tnRemember Faust? No, sillies. The other Faust. Goethe and Marlowe’s Faust, that German fellow with the awkward syntax who sold his soul to the devil in exchange for–well, something. We forget what. Knowledge. Power. An extra two inches. Does it matter?

The story itself is your standard-issue dog turns into a devil, offers to serve Faust on earth if he promises to return the favor in hell, and after the deal is inked in blood our protagonist commences the illicit banging of a hot chick who kills her mom so as to facilitate additional banging before getting predictably pregged and her brother dies defending her honor and she drowns her baby in the river, etc., etc.

Bo-ring, really, but the arrangement clearly turned out none too well for anyone, including Faust, who after that odd jumble of plot elements still had to follow through on the whole burning-in-hell end of things.

But the story has been notably cheerier for the other Faust–Ralph, whose narrative goes something like this: A lawyer of enormously so-so abilities is recruited by Bonnie Neely to Humboldt County where he is named Interim County Counsel and advises the board during the drafting of the General Plan Update, after which he is appointed by Mark Lovelace to represent the Third District on the Planning Commission while it considers and revises the General Plan Update, while at the same time providing legal counsel to the Northcoast Environmental Center, an organization which, on its own and as part of the Healthy Humboldt Coalition, actively lobbies both the Board and the Planning Commission to achieve its preferred outcome to–you guessed it–the General Plan Update.

That Mr. Faust as Interim County Counsel generously if improperly released dozens of GPU-related documents to Mark Lovelace–before the latter was elected, before he was even a candidate to be Faust’s future appointer–well that’s just another thread in the web.

But here’s one important difference between the two Fausts: No one’s suggesting ours sold his soul to anyone.

Honestly. Who would buy it?

He suits me not at all, our new-made Burgermeister!
Since he’s installed, his arrogance grows faster.
How has he helped the town, I say?
Things worsen,—what improvement names he?
Obedience, more than ever, claims he,
And more than ever we must pay!

-Goethe

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65 Responses

  1. I think I hear the giant sucking sound of someone’s career.

  2. Oh that’s not the sucking sound. I think Faust has been blowing everyone in town to keep his retirement income supplemented. Is that what you hear?

  3. I think it’s the sound of stifled screams out on Buttermilk Lane. How many of these clowns are out there now? It’s like a fucking commune. No wonder they don’t want anyone else building by them. There goes the neighborhood.

  4. BINGO Bugs! Very, very clever (and right-on!!!) comparisons regarding the 2 Fausts’. Love the reference to Goethe! Welcome back too…..you titilate my mind.

  5. If you hadn’t included a Burgermeister Meisterburger tag I was going to be really let down. Thanks bugs and welcome back.

  6. Could not have said it better than 11:23 — Priceless!

  7. Oh who cares how unethical they all are. The end justifies the means. We’ll all be so healthy and happy stacked ass to elbow in our urban boxcars,we won’t even care that we’re governed by crooks.

  8. Buttermilk Lane will be without the midget for a while. Marky is off to Ireland for a vacation. Seems he is looking for leprechauns just to make sure that are actually creatures smaller than he is.

  9. You mean under rocks, right????

  10. Ralph purchased his home at the end of Graham Road in Bayside in 2004. It has about 3.4+/- acres and fronts on the south bank of Jacoby Creek.

    It represents sprawl of the worst kind.

    How could he seek such a pastoral and riparian environment for human habitation when what he believes in is urban in-fill?

    Or is that just for the rest of us?

  11. 11:42 It is just for the rest of us. It is the standard do as I say and not as I do.

    The FPPC ought to be sent to investigate our lovely Faustus. My backside would suffer a might pucker with the amount of conflicts he has here……

  12. If you wanna know a thing or two about conflicts of interest, give me a ring. No collect calls please.

  13. No can do JC –

    Faustus’ has actual conflicts. Not the empty ones leveled at you.

    Rest in Peace dear man.

  14. “My dear man” my ass he was as guilty as Faust.

  15. Dammit John, you can’t even keep your fucking mouth shut postmordem. Keep it on the down low my friend. Six feet obviously isn’t deep enough.

  16. Fuck those two were amateurs. One thing I never would do, though, was dive quite so deeply into the irony pool Did you hear that the NEC is trying to tempt donors with “Un-dam the Kalamth” bumper stickers? That’s rich, isn’t it, when after all the work I did the NEC fought to keep the dams in place? I’d roll over in my grave if I though it’d do any good.

  17. Wow, friends. How incredibly tasteless. Well, nice to see the afterlife bipartisan support, anyway.

  18. Come on folks, lets keep it above the belt. Except if your Linda Loveless, who apparently removes the belt before getting down to business.

    Where do you draw the line Bugs?

  19. It’s a tough question, Anon. We currently moderate threats of violence and accusations of molestation, murder, rape, etc., which are more common than you might think. Tastelessness, obscenity, sacrilege, impropriety–these all seem to some extent to be in the eye of the beholder, and we consider them case by case.

    But really–have you read our blog? We’re not exactly experts on good taste and polite conversation. Sorry, friends.

  20. Wow, you fucking Bugs have some goddamn nerve. It’s like, well, it’s like you hate Baby Jesus Trig and Carrie Prejean’s tits just like you hate America, Sean Hannity and cops who arrest people because they have a fucking badge on their chest and a gun on their hip so shut up! That’s why.

    Because our troops. Amen.

  21. Please learn to spout something beyond your talking points, blue. Thanks now.

  22. Blue, let’s get one thing goddamn straight right now. We do NOT hate Carrie Prejean’s tits. Aight?

  23. Carrie Prejean’s tits! Now you guys have crossed the line. A little uptight but she’s total hotness. You never make fun of anything that hot or you run the risk of spending the rest of your life in the closet with nothing but a picture of the Bon Bon and a jar of Vasoline.

  24. True that, Anonymous. True that.

  25. Although we must say, Anonymous, we do have a little residual skepticism about the, uh, authenticity of the aforementioned fun-bags–which does perhaps diminish the hotness for us just a touch.

  26. Do we really care Bugs, do we really care. Reality is perception.

  27. How do you not love a blog that begins the day with Goethe and Marlowe and ends with “Airplane” and fun bags? I’m smitten, bugsies.

  28. Totally not in a gay way.

  29. Don’t do it Bugs, Don’t even think of the sacrilege of putting the Bon Bons face atop Carrie Prejean’s tits. It would be wrong, really wrong!

  30. Wow. Tough call, friend. Probably comes down to distance between subject and object. If we’re admiring from a far, we ain’t picky. But up close and personal-like? Someone find Deano. We’re naturalists.

  31. Now that you mention it…..

    We’ve never done tits, have we?

  32. Well, yes I am a whore. It’s a job you know. I’ve blown that King and munched the Queen. I’ve even been the midgets butt buddy. But a girls gotta have some rules and a little class. I never take my socks off and I’ll never blow Faust. The bastard wanted the full girl friend experience and that costs more than a ten spot.

  33. Tits? Really? You taunt us with such low-class b.s.?

  34. Yeah, uh, Graphics Department? How effing drunk did you get last night? I removed Carrie Prejean’s tits from our homepage and moved them to a link in your comment above, douchebags. We don’t put tit on the front page. Try to keep that in mind.

    And your workmanship elsewhere? Up there with Ralph Faust’s legal abilities. Very so-so. And don’t even think about giving us any shit about another 28 days off for rehab. We fell for that once already. Just stop drunk-designing, cocknozzles. Fuck.

  35. Hey, no conversations about midgets without including me. My upcoming campaign platform will give me an extra 3 inches. Guaranteed!

  36. Watch it Linda L. I am the one and only Midget Muncher. How dare you say you have been the midget’s butt buddy.

  37. The real question is where your gonna grow that three inches Jeff.

  38. The three inches is brought to you from the folks at “Extendz”

  39. A world’s supply of “Extendz” AND shoe lifts couldn’t help either Midget Marky or Jeffy for that matter you deranged leprechaun. Go stuff yourself with three leaf clovers.

  40. Ah peeps, why you gotta be pickin’ on the little Jeff? He’s good people and has a sense of humor and everything and I’m sure can be relied on to see that rental ordinance of Larry’s as the rights-grab it is. Right, Jeffy?

  41. Please learn to spout something beyond your talking points, blue. Thanks now.

    Oh blow me like you’re Larry Craig in an airport bathroom you twatwaffle. And while you’re at it, make sure you’re wearing a diaper — Vitter style. When you’re done, go take a fucking hike along the Appalachian trail.

  42. Hmm. Well, I was gonna weigh in and say Faust is a HUGE disaster for this county – but, ummm, well…. the conversation seems to have shifted . LOL

  43. True. And HUGE is now a slight exaggeration.

  44. heh

  45. Gonna have to meet you someday Bugs – ’cause you surely do grok the scene here.

  46. “Grok the scene”? Are you practicing your Irish slang in honor of little Mark’s vacation spot?

  47. mmmkay, got it…you can’t respond in any substantive manner, so you’ll go with the talking point insults…

    Sorry “blue”, but I’m a dem myself, must don’t like vapid ideologues such as yourself.

  48. Faust is as dishonest as they come. A truly lousy lawyer too. Why is he out to lunch with Bill Pierson on a steady basis? The agenda of course.

  49. LOL, OK, the Bugs are either a certain age (young) or not sci-fi fans…

  50. I tripped on Rose’s [moderated] lips while navigating the Mirror last week. Watch your step boys & girls!

  51. Ahh. The favorite target of the weak-minded. Why are you all so afraid of her and so troubled by a little dissent? Hmm? Never understood the upset. Then again, we’re not fragile.

  52. I love to squash unimaginative fucks like this. You wouldn’t know a [moderated] lip if lapped you in the face nimrod. I have seen women run screamimg from whatever room you enter tuna breath.

  53. Just checking to see who you all jump to defend. Apparently my comments about Linda Loveless were fair game.

  54. Identity theft is not allowed. Do it again and the IPs associated with your nifty, gay iPhone will be blocked. And why would we leap to defend anyone? Against what? You? Sorry, but in terms of posing some kind of intellectual threat, friend, you’re not really moving the needle.

  55. Ooh. An iPhone. He must be like a computer programmer or a 12-year-old. You know maturity? There’s an app for that.

  56. Looks like we’ve found the line, eh Bugs? Cross with caution, or just make sure to include a certain supervisor(s) and the gates will raise.

    Hugs!

  57. Bye-bye, friend. Make your grand, stimulating remarks in your own name, your own screen name or anonymously. Them’s the rules. Hugs!!

  58. Maybe just not impersonate someone, moron. Or is plain English too much for you?

  59. Yeah I think HE found the line.

  60. Yes Unoriginal Fuck, you have struck terror in the hearts of the bugs. That’s why they left your inane and irrelevant comments up but added a few words to indicate your lame attempt at identify theft. Super scared, clearly. Just don’t use someone else’s name. Duh.

  61. Got it. Thanks guys!

  62. Now you’re CENSORING, bugs. By not letting him impersonate someone you have violated his free speech. You fascists! And moderating the c-word in his posts? How could you? His usage was so edgy and artistic. It showed what a real independent thinker he is. By posting under someone else’s… name….. Oh never mind.

  63. Hold us, Meow.

  64. I’m sorry, unoriginal fuck, what did you say? Louder, please. We can’t quite–oh that’s right! We can’t hear you, because you’ve been blocked. But hey, thanks for staying in touch anyway. And we see you’ve decided to sort of stop impersonating other people, but here’s the thing, friend. You spent way more time on this blog today than we did, and it’s our blog. That’s just weird. So we’re giving you a few days to work out these early childhood issues elsewhere, and then maybe if you can get a grip on your shit you can come back. Hugs!!

  65. Love how your issues were with the name, not the content

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