Lawmakers amend Berg’s ‘Death with Dignity’ bill to apply to her career

Berg Smoking

Light 'em if you got 'em.

A bill that would humanely terminate the tottering career of former Assemblywoman Patty Berg is picking up support in committee and could be headed for a vote in the senate.

Modeled after Berg’s own “Compassion and Choices,” a failed initiative which would have legalized assisting in the deaths of the terminally ill, Santa Rosa Assemblywoman Noreen Evans’ “Compassion and Choice of Adult Diapers and Nursing Homes” targets old, worn out politicians who don’t have the sense to quit.

“The logic of assisted career suicide is more compelling than ever since that battle-ax Berg shoved Wiggins under the crazy bus to free up the Second District senate seat,” Evans said.

“That move left little doubt that her career is terminal. It’s time to do the right thing and help put it out of its misery.”

Berg, who was termed out of the state assembly in January, announced in the Eureka Times-Standard last week that she was considering a run for Wiggins’ seat. She has also filed papers declaring her intent to run for state insurance commissioner in 2010, when she will be 143 years old.

Evans said repeatedly that her support of the bill was not a reflection on Berg’s achievements.

“She’s done so many good things for the elderly,” Evans said. “Especially herself.”

One insider who spoke on condition of anonymity noted that Berg’s comments about a senate run have been something less than inspiring.

“It would be one thing if she were able to articulate a vision, explain to us what she hoped to accomplish in the senate. But so far it sounds like she wants to be a senator only because she doesn’t really want to be an insurance commissioner,” the insider said. “No one I know thinks she should be either.”

But supporters called those statements “unfair,” and pointed to her past accomplishments, including meddling extensively in county affairs and bringing forward 17 different bills with the word “compassion” in the title.

Berg said if elected she would earn $116,280, issue endless proclamations about nothing, and fill the senate chamber with crocheted doilies and old-lady smell.

Photo janked from here.

Employment outlook dims for one Graphics Department staffer

hot to not

Larry Glass teaches us all a valuable lesson

At least he's fashionable.

At least he's fashionable.

Dear Larry Glass,

Thank you for recognizing the obvious and dropping your poorly conceived rental housing ordinance before wasting any more time and money trying to shove that bag of crap down the throats of an unwilling electorate.

However, please do not think you have a pass on whatever new idea you rolled out at the workshop Tuesday night.

Oh–remember that event? The one that was so poorly noticed attendance dropped from a couple hundred at the previous meeting to fewer than a couple dozen on Tuesday? Weird, huh?

We could find no advance word of the meeting anywhere, except of course on your friend’s blog, the same forum you routinely use to distribute your talking points, reward your friends and punish those who dare to oppose you.

But you, great man of the people that you are, somehow failed to send that announcement to this blog, which as you know has been following the issue somewhat closely.

Still, the little upset over this proposed ordinance pointed out to those of us who don’t drink your grape kool-aid how out of touch you are with the residents of this city and how easily you can be stopped when we put our minds to it.

Thank you for that. It’s a lesson we won’t soon forget.

Hugs from the bugs.

Eeny, meeny, miny–noooo!!

Morticia Sopoci-Belknap

Morticia Sopoci-Belknap: She's creepy and she's kooky, mysterious and spooky.

File this one under God Help Us All.

Could there be, as Ryan Hurley reports, a possible Bonnie Neely–Kaitlin Sopoci-Belknap showdown looming in the fourth supervisorial district?

You may remember Sopoci-Belknap as the Addams Family-esque champion of unconstitutional ordinances, massive water rate increases and specialized geriatric care.

Her candidacy would turn that race into the “Sophie’s Choice” of local elections, only without any hot chicks or convincing performances.

Deciding between those two would be like trying to choose which eardrum to puncture with an icepick, or which testicle to set ablaze.

Who knows. Maybe David Cobb was speaking out of turn, and when he got home from that interview someone gave him a very naughty spanking.

Photo ripped off from here and here.

Trial and error

Surf's up, loser.

Surf's up, loser.

While Times-Standard reporters were diligently not reporting word one of the Housing Element discussions, that crack team of reporters did rouse itself long enough to write up this little press release about McKinleyville resident Vernon Weatherford’s alleged DUI crash on Highway 255 near Samoa.

Weatherford had a young mother and her 4-year-old daughter in the car with him when he went ahead and wrapped his rig around a power pole.

The good news is that the child was unhurt, and the 26-year-old alleged douchebag’s pelvis was crushed all to hell, which might be the only thing keeping him from hurting anyone, at least for a while.

Make that a little while. The news release notes that charges anticipated against Mr. Weatherford include driving under the influence and causing injury, being a felon in possession of a handgun, driving on a suspended license and driving under the influence with three prior DUIs in the past 10 years.

Impressive, yes? The guy’s a fucking prodigy. To have accomplished so much at such a young age. His parents must be proud.

But Weatherford is more than just a stack of DUIs. This Sheriff’s Office news release states that he was also arrested in 2004 on charges of torture and false imprisonment.

Does it occur to anyone as odd that a person of Weatherford’s achievements would be in the vicinity of cars, children and power poles, instead of sitting in a cell where he obviously belongs?

Mr. Gallegos, this is where you come in. What this man does next is largely up to you. You have been responsible for prosecuting him since he was 19 years old, and yet here he is, four DUIs and a handful of violent felonies later, still driving around, drunk and with a four-year-old in his car.

It was only a matter of chance that this little girl did not become the next Nicole Quigley. Do your job and stop Weatherford before he becomes the next Jason Whitmill.

[Photo source]

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride*

The Bon Bon’s damp dreams of a state senate appointment went up in smoke Monday when longtime ally and protector Patty Berg climbed over Neely’s considerable rotundness and announced her intention to grab Pat Wiggins’ senate seat for herself.

Oh snap, sistah!! That’s gonna leave a mark! But people–think about it. Berg had been, what? Like seven months without a big guzzle of milk from the public teat? You do not want to stand in the way of that shit.

No wonder the ice queen Ice Berg had such kind and thoughtful things to say about her “good friend” Senator Pat Wiggins last week– remember? Things such as, say, telling a newspaper reporter that Wiggins needed a complete neurological work-up, etc., which is code for “I may be a grizzled old lung transplant candidate, but look at the shit I can still rain down on you, biotch.”

And that’s all it took. Berg 1, Wiggins 0. It remains to be seen whether party leadership will throw candidate Noreen Evans under the bus just to give Berg a few more years of crass manipulation before that big Marlboro Man in the sky calls her home.

But who knows? Dumber things have happened. For example, Humboldt County voters have elected and re-elected Neely to the Fourth District seat since the Reagan administration. And it looks like we’re not rid of her yet.

A girl can dream, can't she?

A girl can dream, can't she?

*(Okay, we know Bon Bon was the bride once, but we got five bucks for anyone who can make heads or tails of that union, and besides, we’re speaking figuratively here.)

BREAKING NEWS: Is Loretta Nickolaus calling it quits?

Tragedy strikes: Is Her Hotness really leaving us?

Tragedy strikes: Is Her Hotness really leaving us?

Numerous sources tell the Humboldt Mirror that Loretta Nickolaus is stepping down from her post as County Administrative Officer, the highest non-elective position in the county. Notice was given recently, with her last day said to be Dec. 18.

The highly respected Nickolaus has long been considered the brightest light in local government. While admittedly some have set the bar rather low, no one but Bonnie Neely ever had a bad word to say about Loretta.

Which of course just made us like her that much more.

Well at least she has a good team

We were finally able to dig up an unaltered version of this photo–and you gotta admit Senator Wiggins is looking a bit haggard. But clearly she is surrounded by some of the sharpest legislative aides in the business, who help her navigate the complexities of her position, such as going to the bathroom and taking turns speaking–kind of like kindergarten, only without the little cartons of milk. The Times-Standard has a follow-up story here, while the now infamous ‘Bullshit’ video is here.

Senator Wiggins and her advisors: Keeping America safe for democracy.

Senator Wiggins and her advisors: Keeping America safe for democracy.

News and not-news: It’s all very zen

Inclusionary Zoning, a land-use approach that attempts to increase affordable housing by making housing less affordable, was passed today by the Three Stooges on the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors.

Fourth District Supervisor Bonnie Neely led the fight, flanked by the Second District’s Clif Clendenen and the Third District’s Mark Lovelace.

Lovelace explained his vote by pointing to the successful implementation of Inclusionary Zoning in Arcata. Fifth District Supervisor Jill Duffy opposed the motion, noting that Arcata’s housing prices are now the highest in the county.

We would provide the link to the Times-Standard story–if there were a Times-Standard story. But while the county took this momentous turn for the worse, our only daily newspaper posted breaking news stories about Mexican drug law, a dead pop star’s birthday party and sexually active Lutheran clergy.

Thanks, guys! So awesome!! Way to keep your finger on the pulse.

UPDATE: So you’ll notice comments are closed on this post, and many comments have been deleted. We drew the line at the first threatening comment, and deleted everything below that. Because Mirror comments are not necessarily sequential, this resulted in the removal of some content from early today and some up until around 9:15 p.m., when the wheels came off the cart.

It is not cool to make menacing or threatening comments on this blog about anyone, ever. This is not the kind of forum we’re providing.  It’s okay to disagree–we value dissent–but threats are just stupid. The two of you involved in tonight’s incident have been blocked (which we realize reduces our readership by approximately 67%). Comments on this post will not be reopened.

Wiggins wig-outs subject of new report

The Santa Rosa Press Democrat published a scathing article today about North Coast Senator Patricia Wiggins’ alleged mental decline and the far-reaching and remarkably unsuccessful attempt to cover it up. Read the story–it’s a good one–but try not to be too hard on the old gal. Looks to us like she’s taking decisive measures to address the problem and should be back to her usual only slightly batshit self in no time.

Senator Wiggins' new self-study course includes instruction about when it is--and is not--appropriate to scream "Bullshit!"

Senator Wiggins' new self-study course includes, for example, specific instruction about when it is--and is not--appropriate to scream "bullshit" at preachers.

Eureka Wastewater Plan Workshop Thursday night

You know what a workshop is, right? In government terms, it’s the dog and pony show that immediately precedes a rate increase.

You can witness this one for yourself tonight, August 20th, at 6 p.m. at Eureka City Hall located at Fifth and K.

But consider leaving your wallets at home. The way this council has been operating lately, they might skip over the feigned public process and just pick your pockets instead.

Fashionably liberal Whole Foods customers ‘betrayed’ by CEO’s politics

And now a word from the Irony Department:

The co-founder and chief executive of Whole Foods Market, a 280-store chain with immense popularity among the hummus and tofu set, touched off a social media shitstorm last week with a Wall Street Journal op-ed detailing his personal opposition to the current array of health care reform alternatives.

CEO John Mackey argued instead for health savings accounts and, according to a Washington Post article, “declared that health care is not an intrinsic right– ideas with a conservative bent, which made Whole Foods’ liberal customer base go ballistic.”

And wherever you find a ballistic liberal, some kind of protest is sure to follow. Here come the pickets, the boycotts, the sit-ins and strikes. Fifty years from now someone, somewhere, will demand reparations. But in the meantime, all of those miffed-off vegans are going to need to eat somewhere.

“Maybe some will have to rethink shopping at Wal-Mart,” the Washington Post continued. “Unions once attacked the retailer’s labor and benefits policies, but Wal-Mart has become the nation’s largest purveyor of organic products and recently espoused a position on health-care reform that is widely considered progressive.”

But here’s what we don’t understand: When did liberals become so insecure and intolerant that they feel the need to boycott a business over a CEO’s personal beliefs?

In the Democratic Party we remember, diversity of opinion was encouraged, not punished.

This Week in Stupid II

Douchebaggy Award

Douchebaggy Award

Kirk Girard.

Let’s discuss.

Community Development Disservices Director. Closet Humboldt Mirror reader. Prolific vanity Googler. Fucking idiot.

This is what we know, but there’s so much more we don’t know.

So let’s just ask.

1. Kirk, if the purpose of the Housing Element is to create additional affordable housing, why, then, does the plan propose so many new restrictions on, barriers to and costs for new construction?

2. If a “public hearing” is a formal opportunity for board members to receive public opinion on matters that may eventually require their action, then why at Tuesday’s public hearing did you do all the talking and the public do all the hearing?

3. Are you aware that many of the people who attended Tuesday’s hearing wanted to comment on your crap-ass public input process, but were unable to stay late enough to provide that public input after you demonstrated their point by making them wait three hours while you read aloud from a staff report?

4. How is it that you’ve had more than two years to bring to the board a housing plan that makes some kind of sense, but here you are now with less than two weeks until deadline still not understanding basic terms and processes and with a document that after 20 pages of corrections Tuesday still isn’t even close?

We could go on like this for days, but we won’t keep you. You’re a busy man. You must have all kinds of permits to deny, plans to disapprove, projects to obstruct, reports to conceal and taxpayer money to waste.

So for all you do, Kirk, this Douchebaggy’s for you. Congrats!!

Tourists flee Old Town in terror

Damn. This is worse than we thought.

"Holy crap. Howard. I'd swear there's a smoker over there on the boardwalk?"

"Holy crap, Howard. Don't look now, but behind us... on that boardwalk... I think there might be a smoker!"

New recycling bins a big hit with city officials, crack whores

Attack of the killer recycling bins

Attack of the killer recycling bins

The next phase in the city’s universal garbage program kicked off this weekend, as officials began delivery of 150-gallon recycling bins to every residence in Eureka.

The oversize receptacles are built to hold thousands of recyclable plastic, glass and aluminum containers, which methamphetamine and other drug users collect and sell to support their habit.

“Basically, these new bins are giant tweaker-bait holders,” said Miles Slattery, the city’s recycling coordinator, adding that crackheads and dope whores actually do the city a favor when they steal from residential recycling containers.

“Recycling reimbursements are at an all-time low and don’t even cover the city’s costs of collecting and hauling,” Slattery said. “So what we did was design the receptacles to ensure there would be no collecting or hauling.”

Slattery explained that the city selected the most garish color-scheme available, so junkies could easily spot the receptacles from the street, and made them so large they could never be concealed in any garage.

“Now junk monkeys can go dumpster diving in some of the city’s most affluent neighborhoods,” Slattery said. “It’s all part of making Eureka more livable.”

“We really thought this thing through,” said City Councilman Larry Glass, a proponent of the mandatory program. “Every drunk and dope ho in town’s gonna flip those cans to pull out the odd CRV bottle at the bottom. I mean, you can’t just pick the shit out like you could with the stacking bins. Then, after they dump everything in your yard, homeless addicts can then use the receptacles for shelter.”

They were designed to comfortably sleep four, he said.

“Also,” Glass added, “we’re hoping that after rifling through your trash they’ll go ahead and break into your homes and steal some of your electronics, which as you know contain metals that are harmful to the environment.”

Slattery estimated the city would shave 14 percent off of its waste diversion costs, which will be spent to pay police officers to respond to all the additional nuisance complaints.


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