Local man wins much-needed home makeover

HurleyHomeMakeverBefore-After_2

Oh that's way better. Now if you could just scrub some of the gross off that piano and promise to never ever try to sing again.

Local blogger-turned-newscaster Ryan Hurley is making headlines again–this time for submitting the winning video entry in a nationwide search for the ugliest home decor.

His prize? A complete home makeover, courtesy of Home Depot.

Designer and contest judge Ernesto Fabri said Hurley’s submission was in a class all its own.

“Rarely does one see a room so lacking in style,” Fabri said. “It doesn’t even know what it is. It seems to ask, ‘Am I a living room? a hallway? a bathroom? a foyer?’ I mean, give us a hint, per favore, so we know whether to shit or wipe our feet.”

Fabri added, “And ugly–buon dio! When Ty Pennington saw it, he had a good cry and then hanged himself with an exquisite damask drapery. To the end his taste was impeccable.”

Hurley’s interior design was so uninviting that Eureka City Councilman Larry Glass drafted an ordinance that would force him to remove the inspirational wall hangings and update his color palette.

But competition in the contest was considerable. Hurley barely edged out fake homeless guy Arcata activist Tad Robinson and Eureka slumlord property manager Floyd Squiers.

“I’m the luckiest man alive,” Hurley said. “Not only did I win all this tits new furniture, I still have that dead-end job with the city and a video blog absolutely no one watches. It’s like one big dream come true.”

20 Responses

  1. Do you think he knows he sucks?

  2. Are those plastic stacking drawers? Jesus H. Even in college I had better taste than that.

  3. Nice bar in the remodeled photo!

  4. I am not sure what to write here:

    1. This Hurley guy has no idea he is pulling a tiger’s tail.

    or

    2. Hey Bugs! Pick on somebody your own size. (or somebody who is as clever as you!)

    This should be fun.

  5. He is like Liberace without all the bling.

    Oh yeah, without the talent, too. Other than that, they could be twins.

  6. That is the ugliest and perhaps most run-down and off-key piano I have ever had the displeasure of hearing. Let’s hope the makeover team replaces that too. Wow.

    And it would seem the bugs sent Ryan into a reflective, emo-rock defensive posture.

  7. All you guys are doing is feeding his ego and giving him way more attention than he deserves. It’s also ironic that as a former anonymous blogger Hurley would call you out for not having the guts to identify yourself.

  8. Remember to shop local bugs. Plaza Design has some great couches to fill out that piano room.

  9. Oh, the bugs have been playing with the decorations. the bar is gone. What are you playing? YoVille?

  10. Another averagely written post. Yawn.

  11. Carol, we think you might have imagined the bar. You know how lazy the Graphics Department is, yes? Do you honestly think they created two home makeover photos when only one was strictly necessary? This is just plain logic, hon. But when they sober up later we can see if they feel like giving you a bar.

  12. Blog critic our asses. Fuck you, Graphics Department fuckers. And since you’re awake now can you please put a bar in Ryan’s new house?

  13. Yeah, we’ll get right on it boss.

  14. I never thought I’d say these words, but I actually feel sorry for Coldplay.

  15. Well, you’ve both got me laughing. The Most Interesting Flame War Award(s) for you guys. Glad you’re back, Cap’n.

  16. This is a clear example of the student surpassing the master. That’s a compliment to both of them.

  17. From the outside it could use some help too!

    [Anonymous: Google Earth maps of Captain Buhne’s house–totally not cool. We love you, but we love him too, and we don’t fuck with civilians. Thanks.]

  18. I rub my eyes and then there are dudes where the bar use to go… I’m dizzy with your designs!

  19. I like Hurley serenading the cowboys. Very brokeback. Yikes.

  20. Ryan: Sorry, friend, and thanks for the e-mail.

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