Thanks to loyal Mirror reader Dynamohum for this gem. Dynamohum and The Mirror Statistics Dept. teamed up and crunched the numbers after Pres. Obama’s State of the Union borefest on Wednesday. The following is the breakdown on how members of Congress and the other government officials in attendance reacted.
It’s difficult to imagine mislaying this gentleman. But evidently it’s not impossible.
Consider the Times-Standard’s description of the missing man: “[Jerry] George is a black male adult, 6′ 3″ tall, weighing about 250 pounds. He has a tattoo on his left forearm that reads ‘Hauna’ and one on his neck that reads ‘Shanda.’ He also has gold teeth.”
Good luck tracking him down with so few clues.
But somehow the former presidential candidate and Chris Kerrigan idol still retains his ability to impress. Take for example this line from the news article: “Edwards’ admission today … indicates that his relationship with Hunter [Rielle] continued months after his wife announced that her cancer had returned and that it was incurable.”
Nice. Well, stay classy, John. Stay classy.
For those of you worried that the Times-Standard’s Chris Durant was seriously butt-hurt about being featured in the Mirror’s expanded earthquake coverage, fret not. The YouTube sensation and slender half of the former Fat Guys has taken his spy-cam panic routine to fine dining establishments across the North Coast. His schedule of appearances is posted on the Times-Standard’s website, right under the notice stating that off-loading several hundred million dollars of debt in bankruptcy will have absolutely zero impact on the Media News Group’s operations.
Filed under: Humboldt County | Tagged: and we do mean expanded, Chris Durant, intellectual bankruptcy, Media News Group, not seriously butt-hurt, the Don't-Call-Them-Fat Guys, Times-Standard | 24 Comments »
We should have known one of the Fat Guys was somehow involved.
Leaving for another day any question as to why there’s a surveillance camera inside the Times-Standard’s newsroom, this footage, ostensibly of a dog predicting the earthquake, actually shows Chris Durant causing the earthquake when he trundles his rotund self out of his chair to make sure the dog wasn’t beating him to the taco truck. Watch.
Saturday’s large earthquake that rattled the North Coast and subsequently lead to the Eureka City Council’s emergency decision to allow the demolition of an historic Old Town structure also seriously damaged Humboldt Mirror Headquarters. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.
By the way, the Graphics Dept. was unaware that any temblor even occurred. Way to go guys. Now get back to work. And no, there won’t be any FEMA money for your losses of beer during the natural disaster. Losers.
In other batshit crazy news this week we almost forgot to mention, narcissistipsycho Patrick Higgins has announced he’s running for 5th District Supervisor. Higgins currently serves as northern Humboldt County’s representative on the Humboldt Bay Harbor, Recreation and Conservation District. Higgins chairs the Harbor District’s Pompous Asshole Committee, Obnoxious Asshole Committee and the Can We Please Steer the Conversation to Include Talking About Me Committee.
Among the qualifications Higgins is touting as the reason voters in the McKinleyville, Trinidad, Blue Lake, Hoopa, Orick, and Willow Creek areas should check his box come polling time include talking about fish incessantly, being loud, and being smug at a breathtaking level.
The district attorney race ought to get interesting, if for no reason other than the whack effect Kathleen Bryson creates everywhere she goes. In the Times-Standard today, Bryson was reported to be invoking the name of 9-year-old Nicole Quigley, killed in a drug-related car chase on Highway 299, despite the express wishes of the child’s father. Additionally, Bryson said she asked former Deputy District Attorney Allison Jackson, another potential candidate, not to run. In other news, Bryson called the death of Christ “totally effed up” and asked the Humboldt Mirror not to blog.
Or Manny, Moe and Jack. Or Winkin’, Blinkin’ and Nod. Or was it Alvin, Simon and Theodore? Janet, Jack and Chrissy?
Okay okay. We’re told respected North Coast Journal Publisher Judy Hodgson will sell the weekly to Managing Editor Hank Sims, Arts & Culture Editor Bob Doran and Sales Manager Mark Herring. The sale has been in the works for a while, but apparently an announcement is imminent.
Indeed, last week’s issue, featuring a 9-page illustrated obsession with Rob Arkley, was said to be the trio’s debut. So yeah. That bodes well.
Just a little shout out to the Hankster, because we think he’s an entertaining fellow. We would encourage him to be a little less Copernican in his news values and a little more open to the possibility that the center of the known universe may not actually be located along the southern edge of the Arcata Plaza.
Hodgson’s broader view turned the Journal into one of the most relevant local publications ever. It would be a shame to see Sims and company turn it into the second-best weekly in Arcata.