Guest Graphic….the presidential “Applausometer”

Thanks to loyal Mirror reader Dynamohum for this gem. Dynamohum and The Mirror Statistics Dept. teamed up and crunched the numbers after Pres. Obama’s State of the Union borefest on Wednesday. The following is the breakdown on how members of Congress and the other government officials in attendance reacted.

Can we get some fries with that shake?

Even in this economy, Sneaky Pete and the Bon Bon have been fortunate enough to find supplemental employment that makes full use of their skill-sets.

Hard to lose

Gold teeth and neck tattoos? Okay, but does he have any distinguishing physical characteristics?

It’s difficult to imagine mislaying this gentleman. But evidently it’s not impossible.

Consider the Times-Standard’s description of the missing man: “[Jerry] George is a black male adult, 6′ 3″ tall, weighing about 250 pounds. He has a tattoo on his left forearm that reads ‘Hauna’ and one on his neck that reads ‘Shanda.’ He also has gold teeth.”

Good luck tracking him down with so few clues.

Bomb squad detonates bike light, reputation

This thing had Unabomber written all over it.

Well.

Except for the bomb. Which was notably not in evidence.

When not causing cities to be evacuated, this Arcata resident acts in Geico commercials.

Babydaddy Edwards admits the obvious

John Edwards, left, and Chris Kerrigan share a passion for politics, personal integrity and cutting-edge hair design.

Okay, so probably no one will file this story under “shocking.” We at the Humboldt Mirror are not exactly in the know, if you will, and even we saw this coming months ago.

But somehow the former presidential candidate and Chris Kerrigan idol still retains his ability to impress. Take for example this line from the news article: “Edwards’ admission today …  indicates that his relationship with Hunter [Rielle] continued months after his wife announced that her cancer had returned and that it was incurable.”

Nice. Well, stay classy, John. Stay classy.

Panic at the BK

For those of you worried that the Times-Standard’s Chris Durant was seriously butt-hurt about being featured in the Mirror’s expanded earthquake coverage, fret not. The YouTube sensation and slender half of the former Fat Guys has taken his spy-cam panic routine to fine dining establishments across the North Coast. His schedule of appearances is posted on the Times-Standard’s website, right under the notice stating that off-loading several hundred million dollars of debt in bankruptcy will have absolutely zero impact on the Media News Group’s operations.

What, me worry?

Mielke’n It

North Coast Journal features Mirror for 38th issue in a row.

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