Gallegos chokes on latest crime statistics report

Well, this little article seems to have put a damper on the Gag’s notion that crime is way down under his leadership. Oh well, there will be plenty more opportunities to just make up more shit as it gets closer to November.

Humboldt Gothic

Yes, Dynamohum, in truth you could benefit from a PhotoShop class. But so could we!! Regardless, we’re glad the spirit is willing, even if the technical skills are, shall we say, weak. Thanks for sending this along!

They may be homely, but they sure are belligerent.

SHOCKER: Prog blog reports Larry Glass is right about something else

Media darling and terrific dancer

In a development sure to set the blogosphere ablaze, the Humboldt Herald announced that, once again, Larry Glass was right about something, while everyone Larry Glass dislikes was wrong.

This most recent incident comes hard on the heels of previous Humboldt Herald reports that Glass knew something no one else knew, said something no one else had the nuts to say, was calm when everyone around him panicked, and rescued someone no one else would save.

The Herald stated that Glass additionally was brave when everyone else was frightened, and able to stick to a low-carb diet months after everyone else had gone back to pizza and beer.

“This guy is like effing Superman,” said one reader who asked to remain anonymous because he secretly thinks Glass is a boorish dimwit.

“But instead of working for the Daily Planet, Larry’s sending a nonstop stream of self-promotional horseshit to the Herald,” the reader said. “But I’m sure Larry knows what he’s doing. I mean, shit, Larry knows what everyone’s doing. He’s fucking Larry Glass.”

There have been additional unconfirmed reports that Glass has walked on water, healed the blind and raised a handful of old progs from the dead just in time for the June primary.

Glass is also said to have  turned water into wine, which Natalynne DeLapp made short work of.

In related Herald news, Rob Arkley continued his quest for world domination, David Tyson was still an asshole, Linda Atkins wasn’t nearly as unpleasant as she seemed, Bonnie Neely was democracy’s last hope, and Paul Gallegos they’d just as soon not talk about.

In a word: Douchepickle

That is a word, isn’t it?

No matter!  Here’s another classic from our good friend the six-term pachyderm courtesy of www.twitter.com/BonBonForever:

Now the Marina Center’s gonna be on the Nov. ballot? Resorting to democracy was kind of a bitch move.

Oh well. She’s been in office for 24 effing years. You can’t expect her to care about representative government.

How many times can Gags’ campaign lie about a job that never even existed?

Paull Gallegos and Natalynne DeLapp share a quiet moment of dishonesty.

Hoo-wee this is getting fun!

Not to be left out, Humboldt County District Attorney Paul Gallegos’ ridiculously hot “campaign manager” has now officially joined the rest of the campaign staff in lying about Paul’s impressively spotty work history.

And how’s that working out for her? Really not all that well.

Maybe that’s what you get when you pay some ditzy eye candy a shitload of donated money to pretend to manage a campaign that’s being fucked up just fine, thank you, by one of Humboldt County’s most notoriously disreputable douchebags. Because, you know. What could possibly go wrong with that?

At this point, seemingly everything.

Let’s review.

And here’s where it gets even funnier! Gallegos’ “campaign manager” Natalynne DeLappdance, from her post under the bus,  sends a poorly written e-mail to the blogosphere’s own Capdiamont stating the mistake was hers, not Gags’.

To wit:

I take full responsibility for the language that was written on the website. Yes, it did in fact say Paul worked as a DDA in LA, but that was my mistake and misunderstanding, not Paul’s. Paul did not misrepresent himself, I made a mistake. When I became aware of my error, I fixed the record.

And about the Times-Standard story?

Paul has never claimed to have worked for the LA Co. DA’s office check the Times Standard article yourself….

So we did.

In an article that appeared in the May 22 Times-Standard, Greenson wrote:

After law school, Gallegos said, he spent some time as a deputy district attorney in Los Angeles before venturing out to start a private practice.

Seems pretty clear to us.

Maybe English isn’t her first language.

Or maybe integrity just isn’t her thing.

Regardless, Natalynne, thanks for thinking of us in your e-mail. Being called blatantly dishonest by a person of your moral caliber is something not unlike high praise.

Hugs!!

[Capdiamont: Thanks again, friend!]

Gallegos experiences cache-flow problems

Lord of the Lies

Aren’t the internets a wonderful thing? 

We certainly think they are.

Because now, when an incumbent district attorney lies about his resumé to a local newspaper, then is found out and publicly castigated, so he tries to scrub the lie from his campaign website–the lie never really goes away!! Isn’t that neat?

Here’s an example.

Paul Gallegos told Thadeus Greenson:

After law school, Gallegos said, he spent some time as a deputy district attorney in Los Angeles before venturing out to start a private practice.

At the time, his campaign website said this:

During his time at LaVerne, Paul met Joan, his future wife. After being admitted to the California Bar Association, Paul was hired on to, and served as a DDA in the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office. Paul and his new wife opened their first Law Office in Los Angeles.

After several concerned citizens phoned the Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office nice HR people and learned that this was untrue, his campaign website was changed to say this instead:

During his time at LaVerne, Paul clerked at the Los Angeles and San Bernadino District Attorney’s Offices. After being admitted to the California Bar Association, Paul went into private practice.

Clerking…. deputy district attorneying…. With apologies to Sesame Street, one of these things is fucking NOT like the other. You feel what we’re saying?

So Natalynne, you wonky, hot, dishonest mess–no fair telling everyone Thadeus Greenson misquoted you. Because if he did, you misquoted you too.

D’oh!

[Little shout-out to our friend Capdiamont for the 411 about Gags' website revisions. Thanks, friend!]

Campaign photos we were never intended to see–Part I

Ruh-roh. Not sure how these damning campaign photos ended up in our in-box, but bygones, right? Let’s enjoy!

Here’s today’s offering:

"Fuck-in-ay! Look at all these papers I plagiarized!"

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