Hello, Arcata!

The county just shut down the “Hummingbird Healing Center”?

Really?

Sounds like they closed up a frickin’ bird sanctuary.

But no! Fortunately it was an unpermitted pot shop whose “1,762 patients” will now have to go elsewhere to “heal.”

Think a few miles to the north, friends. It’ll be like going home.

How many awesome things can happen in one day?

Probably we all remember what the sound and the fury signify...

Democracy cockblocked?

After months of telling us a Marina Center ballot measure would be meaningless, local progs have shifted course and decided instead that Measure N is so important they must sue to prevent voters from considering it.

Their logic?

What else?

That the electorate is too stupid to understand what the measure is all about. Quoth Humboldt Paykeeper Executive Director Pete Nichols:
The voters should know the ramifications of their decisions at the ballot box.

Right. Because we wouldn’t know, for example, that when we vote in favor of something it means that we’re in favor of it. So major news flash there. Elsewhere in the poorly written announcement of the lawsuit Nichols contends:

The public cannot really know what they [sic] are voting about.

Good point. Super good, actually. Because voting to change the zoning of the Balloon Track could mean–wow. Who knows? That we want to change the zoning of the Balloon Track? Or maybe it means we want to change the zoning of the Balloon Track. Hard to know. It’s all so confusing.

Fellow elitist Scott Greacen, EPIC’s executive director, also “wants to make sure Eureka voters understand” the perils of representative democracy. Sometimes, Greacen notes, people “hijack” the “mechanisms of our democracy to serve a single narrow set of financial and political interests.”

Get. The. Fuck. Out. Really?

Case in point, we assume, would be hardware monopolist Bill Pierson’s funding of every anti-Marina Center candidate to stand for office in the past several election cycles.

Or–oh. Was he talking about something else?

Who knows. Frankly, we’re way too dumb to sort it all out.

New name–same great smell

The Bonnie Neely Memorial Toxic Waste Dump and Homeless Poopatorium

In honor of all the hard work our Fourth District Supervisor has put into blocking the environmental cleanup of the Balloon Track and preventing its subsequent use for jobs and industry, the contaminated 40-acre site has been renamed The Bonnie Neely Memorial Toxic Waste Dump and Homeless Poopatorium.

At a ribbon-cutting ceremony yesterday, Neely fake-cried and talked about the six terms she spent sitting impassively in her office while the site leeched dioxin into the bay.

“What sets me apart from my opponent is vision,” she said. “I have a vision for Humboldt County, and part of that is to make sure we preserve the former Balloon Track as the stinking, festering pimple on the ass of Eureka it has been throughout my two and a half decades on the board.”

Neely added that she’s been too busy playing political games and worrying about her own financial future to pay much attention to the problems and concerns of working people. But if she’s re-elected, she said, she’ll make sure she gives employment and other economic issues better lip service, as she has in the run-up to this election.

[Click to enlarge the photo. Or not.]

Pleas and thank yous

Kumbaya, motherfuckers. Kumbaya.

Who says we Bugs don’t have good manners?

Everyone?

Really?

Oh.

But bygones!! Because here we are now giving a coupla big ol’ sloppy Bug thank yous to District Attorney Paul Gallegos–the man, the myth, the total and complete pantspickle.

First up: Thank you, Mr. Gallegos, for the rape this week of a young woman in Arcata.

The Times-Standard reports this about her alleged assailant, Kevin Walker:

In 2008, Walker pleaded guilty to felony assault in what was widely believed to be a hate crime in Trinidad. Walker was arrested in May 2008, along with 18-year-old Collin Roczey, after witnesses reported seeing three men fighting in a Trinidad beach parking lot. Witnesses said Walker and Roczey were holding another man down, hitting his head on the ground, hitting him with a metal pipe and stepping on his face while shouting racial slurs.

The two men were originally arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, sexual assault and kidnapping, but pleaded guilty to the assault charge in a plea deal.

And got probation!! So yay! Thanks, Paul.

Next: Thank you, Mr. District Attorney, for that shooting last week in Alton. Turns out Humboldt County’s top cop lent a helpful hand in that case as well! The Times-Standard reports that the alleged shooter in that case, a particularly upstanding individual named Michael Coen, had run afoul of the law before:

Coen pleaded guilty to assault with a deadly weapon other than a firearm in November 2009. He spent 47 days in jail, was fined $530 and sentenced to three years of probation, according to Humboldt County court records.

That 530 bucks just makes us feel grateful all over!

So thanks, Paul!! And keep up the fine work.

We can dream, can’t we?

If the city of Eureka passes an expanded anti-smoking ordinance, does this mean Patty Berg would have to move?

The Eureka City Council is considering an ordinance that would discriminate against perennial busybody and former assemblyperson Patty Berg on the basis of her stupidity.

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