Finally a news story that makes Paul Gallegos look good

Sadly, it’s not about him.

Attorney says ‘sexting’ prosecutor to resign

 CHILTON, Wis. — A Wisconsin prosecutor facing removal from office over accusations that he abused his position in seeking relationships with vulnerable women will resign instead, his attorney said Monday. Attorney Robert Craanen said Calumet County District Attorney Ken Kratz will step down before Oct. 8, the date set for a hearing to hear testimony on his possible removal from office.

Mr. Kratz initially became famous, you’ll recall, for firing off dozens of sexually suggestive texts to a woman whose ex-boyfriend he was prosecuting for beating her. He then–

–Wait a sec.

Do you mean to tell us this Kratz fellow prosecuted someone for domestic violence?

Shit. This doesn’t make Gallegos look so good after all.

Our bad.

Read the rest of the Kratz story here.

The revolution will not be live-blogged–with update!

Ayers was right about one thing: Regime change really does begin at home. (Crap photo by Kevin Hoover for the Arcata Eye.)

By now we’ve all seen the photo: Mark Lovelace googly-eyeing Bill Ayers, former leader of the Weather Underground, who could probably use a new friend after getting snubbed right and left lately.

Emphasis on left.

In fact, even as photographic evidence of the Lovelace love-fest was surfacing, Ayers was getting publicly dissed again–this time following his request that the University of Illinois, from which he recently retired, grant him emeritus status.

Okay. Not a big deal, really. It’s one of those ceremonial things, and it’s highly unusual that any such request would be denied.

Yet denied he was, and by a Kennedy at that.

But why? Was it the dozens of bombings Ayers’ group took credit for? The declaration of war against the United States? The three men killed in a botched bank robbery?

Nope. According to the Chicago Sun-Times, Christopher Kennedy explained that he intended to “vote against conferring the honorific title of our university to a man whose body of work includes a book dedicated in part to the man who murdered my father.”

D’oh and double d’oh!! It was that whole Sirhan Sirhan business–the stable boy, in the hotel kitchen, with the revolver. And somehow Ayers didn’t happen to notice that the trustee committee tasked with making decisions about honorific titles is chaired by the dead man’s son?

We might have seen that one coming–although admittedly Bobby Kennedy had like a hundred kids, and maybe Ayers had a hard time sorting out who, exactly, begat whom. It happens.

Regardless, Chris Kennedy was asked in a subsequent interview if he thought the passage of time had softened Ayers’ views.

There’s no evidence in any of his interviews or conversations that he regrets any of those actions — that’s a better question for him. He asked for this privilege. He’s not going to get it from me or that board.

Indeed, in a 2000 interview with the New York Times, Ayers was quoted as saying, “I don’t regret setting bombs” and “I feel we didn’t do enough,” and, when asked if he would “do it all again” as saying “I don’t want to dscount the possibility.”

Fortunately, though, one of our own elected officials has no qualms about embracing a man who was once proud to call himself a terrorist.

It almost looks like Marky’s showing a little wood.

Emphasis on little.

Fascinating update:

Someone professing to be Arcata Eye editor Kevin Hoover additionally professes to be responsible for this photo, and wants credit. When we receive random photos in the inbox, we don’t ask a lot of questions. But credit now where credit is due. We just hope he was able to scrape the splooge off his lens.

Baykeeper acts quickly to remove potentially contaminated piles of cash from Balloon Track

Evidently Paykeeper’s definition of “cleaning up” has more to do with money than dioxin, given that Sneaky Pete Nichols is now singing the praises of the same cleanup plan he sued CUE VI to stop.

“We think the plan they put forward is a plan that has been shown to work in the past.” Nichols now tells the Times-Standard.

Probably much the same way Pete’s habit of suing every deep pocket he can find has worked for him.

Our hero.

Gallegos calls being the stupidest person who ever lived his ‘right as a citizen’

Yes, yes, we know this has been around a few days, but still. Will we ever stop laughing about it?

As Gags would say. “Oh, well, certainly, you know, I, uhh, uhh, for a multitude of reasons, uhh, clearly, there’s a big difference–truly a huge difference, actually–between, first of all, uhh, ‘laughing’ and ‘laughing about it,’ in and of itself–“

In other words, no. We bloody well won’t.

Just listen to the first four and a half minutes. If you haven’t pissed yourself by then, we’ll refund your money. Push the magic red button to play.

Oh and PS, John Matthews is our god.

In daring social experiment, Gallegos learns the hard way that dismissing felony sex offenses does little to make our community safer

"Okay, but Allison Jackson can't surf for shit."

 But who knew, right?  

I mean, at the very least it was worth a try. Or fifty tries, or a hundred, or however many it’s been since we hitched our criminal justice wagon to this stark raving ballsack.   

But don’t take our word for it. Let’s hear the story from the the Times-Standard and the district attorney himself. Because somehow it sounds even stupider that way.  

This is the third time [Dr. Robert Alan] Mott, 59, has been charged with a sex-related crime. Thus far, he has not been convicted. In 1997, he went to trial on a charge of child molestation and was promptly acquitted by the jury. In June 2004, the longtime local physician was accused of felony sexual battery of a female patient, and also of later stalking the woman. Criminal charges were dismissed in June 2007 after Mott complied with a variety of conditions demanded by the prosecution….  

“Certainly we are familiar with Dr. Mott,” Gallegos said, “and because of that familiarity we see his conduct as very, very serious. It’s completely unacceptable.”  

Gallegos said that in the past Mott received an acquittal and then a warning, but “here we see Dr. Mott again.”  

I mean–Shut your pants!! Here he fucking is again, that naughty Dr. Mott. I totally would have thought a warning would do the trick.  

But hey. Since our county is clearly on the cutting edge of alternative punishment, we took the liberty of compiling a quick list of other penalties the DA might employ to address Dr. Mott’s improprieties. Gallegos could: 

  • Send him to bed without supper.
  • Wash his weiner out with soap.
  • Suspend his allowance.
  • Give him an exceptionally stern talking to.
  • Call a good five or ten minute time-out. (Tough love, people. Tough. Love.)
  • Have him write 50 times on a blackboard “I will sexually assault fewer people.”
  • Take away his porn and video games for a week.

Or, and this is more likely to be the approach Gags takes, screw this up again so someone else gets hurt.  

Let’s just put it this way: Certainly we are familiar with Paul Gallegos, and because of that familiarity we see his conduct as very, very serious. It’s completely unacceptable.  

And just like Dr. Mott’s new charges–completely, devastatingly predictable.

The blind leading the inbred

That poor open-minded Coastal Commission. Mercilessly snubbed by the dastardly CUE VI! The humanity!! Oh well. After a full day of quashing free enterprise, the commissioners retired to Patty Berg’s house for a Bon Bon fundraiser. Because that, friends, is what impartiality is all about.

"Come on, guys. Show me the Ballon Track property again. Since I obviously can't get re-elected on the basis of what I've done, I need to make sure to score some points from the things I've undone."

By the way: Anyone know why the Coastal Commission is looking at a road up Humboldt Hill? That little “coastal zone” sure is getting big.

Oh, and Driscoll: The Coastal Commission being all together in Humboldt County is as “rare” as Christmas, you douche. It happens every year. Facts can be so inconveniently dull!

Neely offers to gay-marry her dachshund in exchange for seven votes or maybe six, but definitely no fewer than five (or four)

 

Publicly, Bonnie Neely celebrates diversity while privately wondering why the first flowers she's given in 20 years come from a couple of old guys gayer than a handbag full of rainbows.

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