Mark prays for deliverance

We knew he used to make banjos, but we never knew he could play them too.

Yee-haa!

The Board of Supervisors meeting today got noticeably less dull when outgoing 5th District Supervisor Jill Duffy called bullshit on a move by her fellow supervisors to rush through the nomination of Mark Lovelace to replace Bonnie Neely on the Coastal Commission.

Fireworks ensued.

Duffy objected for a variety of reasons, including that Board Chairman Clif Clendenen should have contacted and solicited input from incoming supervisors Ryan Sundberg and Virginia Bass. But that wasn’t what Bonnie told Clif to do. D’oh!!

The decision on who will replace Neely will ultimately be made by the Govornator. (We’ll link to the video when it comes available, because it’s worth watching Duffy, and the other 20 or so people, bitchslap Little Lovelace.)

A victory for tort reform?

An alert reader called our attention to an interesting item in the Times-Standard’s most recent list of DUI arrestees.

Jason Kendall Singleton, 44, Eureka

Could it be? The Jason Singleton? The one who makes a profitable if somewhat despicable living extorting money from local small businesses under the guise of ADA compliance?

It sure looks that way.

If so, it couldn’t have happened to a bigger douche.

Somewhere, somehow, the Arctic Circle is laughing today.

Election Results Final*: Gallegos handlers cling to power for four more years

The Graphics Dept. begrudgingly delivers a Brian Wilson victory beard to Paul. But here's a hearty Mirror congratulations to Ryan, Mike and the other decent folks who won their respective races!

According to a guy who knows a guy who handed another guy a copy of the unofficial final election results, who then e-mailed them to us, District Attorney Paul Gallegos received 52.08% of the votes to challenger Allison Jackson’s 47.61%.

Jackson will return to the Harland Law Firm where she will continue to be a successful attorney and partner.

Gallegos will return to the DA’s Office where he will continue to suck horribly and make our community more unsafe, thanks to the 25,238 voters who care more about keeping vacuous progressive ideals afloat. Honestly, we can’t wait to read what Paul’s crackerjack political team cooks up for his next “My Word.”

On the bright side, nothing changed much in the 5th District race. Ryan Sundberg, with 50.57% of the votes, held on to his lead and defeated Patrick Cleary, who had 49.04%.

The close Eureka race changed little also. Mike Newman received 44.18% of the vote and Ron Kuhnel came in behind him with 41.95%.

And despite her ability to get her hands on and manipulate damn near everything north of Sacramento, Bonnie Neely was unable to change the election results and has still been kicked to the curb by Virginia Bass. By a lot. A lot a lot.

The results, summarized by the T-S, still need to be certified and presented to the Board of Supervisors, who are expected to deal with the matter on Tuesday.

Afterhours video surfaces from Elections Office security cam

 

The official and final vote tally is supposed to be released today, according to the top Elections Office honcho Carolyn Crnich.

Lovelace ‘actively seeking’ Coastal Commission seat

Mr. Governor, I'm down here. Mr. Governor....pick me.

In related news, Humboldt County is actively seeking a swift kick in its collective taco.

Fortunately, the Wee Wonder has extensive experience dealing with wetlands and other critical habitats.

Election results Wednesday?

That’s the word on the street.

On our street, anyway.

But we live in kind of a ghetto, so who knows.

Anyone?

‘Nothing is more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose.’

Coming to some lame guerilla street theater shit near you.

This just in from the hollow victory department

Sequoia Springs Senior Living is holding a sweepstakes that will award one winner with free room and board for a year.

Like in a Senior Living facility. In Fortuna. With old people and the faint but inescapable smell of Lysol and urine.

No, that’s the prize.

Not exactly a million dollars and a trip around the world. We wonder if even Fred will enter this one.

The news release goes on to state that two runner-ups will be beaten with pimp-sticks until tender, then cut neatly in half and served with a side of canned peas.

Okay, we made that last part up.

A grateful city says good-bye

We promised ourselves we wouldn't cry.

Tuesday night was Larry Glass’ last city council meeting as an elected official.

At least for the time being.

Parting is such sweet sorrow!

Be strong, friends!!

Paul Gallegos finds new cliff to throw his political career off of

Gallegos switches to a professional management team for his 2014 campaign.

After several famous missteps, our district attorney’s handlers have lit upon one way to keep Paul Gallegos from plaigiarizing: They do all the writing themselves.

It works something like this. First, local gadfly and famously crazy person Elizabeth Conner suggests a “VERY ROUGH OUTLINE, PLEASE EDIT AND REFINE,” and then knocks out a basic thank-you letter to volunteers, supporters and staff:

Although the final election results are not yet known for certain, I want to thank all my campaign volunteers, supporters and staff for their hard work and belief in the concept that everyone is equal before the law and that both the accused and accusers have rights.

Because conceivably there are people out there who don’t believe in these things. Conner gets a little hung up when trying to put into words exactly why people supported Paul:

Most of all, thank you to those who voted for me and expressed your confidence in me and our team [OR A VALUE].

A value like love or puppies or good fashion sense, perhaps.

But let’s not fret over details, because as Richard Salzman notes when he sends the draft to Gallegos:

Remember that this is just the BEFORE, final results letter and that Evenson is going to work with you on a Guest Editorial / My Word, to follow the final results.  But getting this out now will make it easier for me to raise money.

So the county’s most prominent attorney will have someone on hand to help with the big words then as well.

It looks like Team Gags thought of everything. What could possibly go wrong?

Enter Michele Shoshani, Paul’s secretary at the District Attorney’s Office.

Because while this tax-funded county employee was distributing a campaign letter to local media from work, during work hours, using work equipment, in violation of several FPPC regulations, she went ahead and left all the previous drafts attached, from concept to finished product.

You just can’t get good help these days, can you?

Fortunately, Kevin Hoover posted the whole damn thing on the Arcata Eye website.

Hurry on over there and get yourself a laugh.

Photo credit: Whoever’s facebook page we ganked these off of.

Post-election doldrums: There’s almost no one left to make fun of anymore

Too cute!!

Well, almost.

Because we’ve still got Mark Lovelace and his reported back-door attempts to shove through the General Plan Update before new supervisors are sworn in.

Too bad a certain planning commissioner has gone down the rabbit hole on that one.

Poor Marky Mark. It was much pleasanter at home, when one wasn’t always growing smaller and being ordered about by mice and rabbits.

(With deepest apologies to Lewis Carroll.)

Fear the Beard(s)

The outcomes of several races are still up in the air, but there are a few we know for sure and a couple others we’re reasonably sure of. We were totally planning to wait until the final results were announced, but we’re impulsive and undisciplined, so behold the first Beards of Victory.

Hugs, winner-friends!!

Ravishing, no?

NCJ reports 12,960 ballots still uncounted

That’s slightly more than 25 percent of the total number of ballots cast.

Roughly 6,000 of the uncounted are said to be leftover early absentees, which typically trend conservative.

Another 5,500 are reportedly absentee ballots that were walked into the Elections Office on election day, and these historically lean to the left.

Most of the rest are believed to be provisional ballots, of the kind that, interestingly enough, showed up en masse at a polling station near HSU. Campaign staff will almost certainly scrutinize these one by one to make sure no one’s get-out-the-vote effort involved rolling up a bunch of ineligible students to ratchet up their numbers.

Not that anyone would do that.

*cough*

So what does it all mean?

Crap if we know, but we should probably hold off putting coveted Beards of Victory on Sundberg, Newman and Gallegos. Maybe Stillman and Wheetley as well, because Meserve could conceivably gain enough ground to tip the Arcata race as well.

See the NCJ Blogthing blurb here.

Oh. How cute.

Look who stopped by to say hi at Bon Bon’s new job.  Hugs, friends!!

Anyone up for a little caption-writing contest?

Collateral damage, aisle five. Right next to the big hammers.

Following decisive defeat, Neely says she’ll spend final weeks in office working on jobs (for herself)

Here’s one possibility.

She can do it, we can help.

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