Richard Salzman asks dumb self-promotional question about dumber self-promotional lawsuit

“If first they silence the poor and the homeless, and I say nothing, who will speak up when they try to silence me?” Uh, absolutely no one, Richard, because you're a douche.

Clif Clendenen surprise winner of ‘American Idle’

Well, it’s a surprise unless you happen to be one of his constituents. For 2nd District voters, it’s a performance they’ve come to expect.

"Thanks, Ryan. Let's see. This week I attended a fundraiser, although it was for me, and a barbecue, although I think that was at the fundraiser, and I went to a really boring meeting--wait, that was the fundraiser too. So that was my week."

New Coastal Commission chair fired for being as big a prick as the last one

Keep in mind this is Sara Wan's official portrait, which means it's a picture she wants people to see.

Coastal Commission chairpersons might have to put themselves on some kind of endangered species list.

First, Humboldt County voters remove one–former District Four Supervisor Bonnie Neely.

Now her successor, Sara Wan, loses her political appointment for double-crossing a former aide to John Burton–who just so happened to be the man who appointed her to the commission these last 16 years.

Oopsies!!

We quote:

Wan’s appointment as chair became controversial in January when former Senate President pro Tem John Burton sent her a profanity-laced letter on State Democratic Party letterhead (he is the current chair) accusing Wan of having “screwed Mary Shallenberger (a former longtime aide of Burton) out of the chair of the commission in order to gain it yourself.

(The “profanity” wasn’t all that interesting by Burton standards. One little bullshit, as in “No need to respond to this because I have no need to hear any of your rationalizing bullshit on this issue.” That barely counts.)

Importantly, Shallenberger had also been one of Wan’s staunchest defenders, a position that could easily have been a full-time job given Wan’s reputation as an obdurate, conniving, power-hungry ass.

Arnold York, publisher of Wan’s hometown daily the Malibu Times, describes Wan as follows:

Wan was never an easy appointment for a politician. She has many fans in the environmental movement, but she has also made many enemies along the way. Anyone who has ever sat at a Coastal meeting and watched Wan, as chair (she has served as chair once before), juggle the speaker slips so causes she favored came up early and the opposition usually put off to the end of the meeting, couldn’t help but come away with a feeling that they had been railroaded. Most politicians try to hide their power, but not Wan. She loves power and loves people knowing that she has power. She delights in rubbing everyone’s nose in her power and wants you to know that she’s doing it, which is one of the reasons Wan is detested by many, as, I certainly would venture, a significant portion of Malibu’s residents does.

Now who does that remind us of?

For those so inclined, see the news bit announcing word of Wan’s removal.

Photo credit: Wan family

Supervisors hope to finalize board and commission appointment process soon

Bugs basically looking forward to an eternity in hell

Wait. Who was supposed to bring the marshmallows?

Here’s a little something from the Foregone Conclusion Dept.

What with the world’s end and the messiah’s return and whatnot, it’s fair to say that the Bugs’ longterm prospects on this earth are not what anyone would call promising.

So we’re thinking–you know–embrace it! If you have to burn forever in hell, you should at least earn a few style points while you’re at it.

Which is why we’ve invited local hot chick Jennifer Savage and Ron the PBR delivery dude to join us for a millennium of crying and gnashing of teeth in the outer darkness. The Graphics Dept. correctly noted that no apocalypse would be complete without a little pestilence, so they’ve invited along a plague of giant mutant insects to more or less make this thing a party.

Anyhoo, have a good end of days! Last one into the lake of fire is a rotten egg!!

Public records requests turn up love notes Lovelace sends to himself

A pair of requests for emails sent to or from the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors has uncovered  a trove of love letters sent from Third District Supervisor Mark Lovelace–to himself.

"I love you Mark. I love you too Mark."

One said simply,

Dear Mark,

You make me happier than a dog on a meat truck.

Love always and forever,
Mark

Others were more lyrical:

Dear Mr. Lovelace,

I do so love calling you that, you who so loves that love itself is your name. Look at me, lover with love in your name…

That one bangs on for about an hour, but you get the general idea.

Some were more inspirational than romantic, such as this quick note titled “The Secret Of My Success”

Success is 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration, and 20% being smarter than everyone else.

Others were poetic:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
It’s only two inches
We’ll have to make do.

A few made no mention of Lovelace’s passion for himself, including this simple but stately haiku:

These meetings drag on
Slower than Wendy Chaitin.
Clif is kind of cute.

Several were more complex, including a 14-line Elizabethan sonnet in traditional iambic pentameter that ended as follows:

Whether dost they in heaven or earth appear
I’ll find those effers who run the Mirror.

Lovelace’s collected works will be published by the North Coast Outpost, accompanied by glowing reviews, several columns about how gentle and soft-spoken he is when he’s a prick to his constituents, a few hugs, a couple of winks and one very satisfying reach-around.

Coastal Commission appointment leaves Lovelace time to pursue his passion for haute couture

Tres sexy, tres hip, tres Lovelace: Because smarminess is always in style.

From the Governor’s Office:

Governor Edmund G. Brown, Jr. today announced the following appointment.

Martha McClure, 58, of Crescent City, has been appointed to the California Coastal Commission. McClure has served as a Del Norte County Supervisor since 1996 and as a teacher in charge for the Del Norte Unified School District since 1984. McClure recently initiated discussions between commercial and sport fishermen, tribes and local environmentalists that produced a unified agreement on marine life protected areas off the Del Norte coast.  This collaborative model was adopted by Humboldt and Mendocino counties.

McClure will serve in the north coast slot on the commission representing the counties of Humboldt, Mendocino and Del Norte.  The appointee must be selected from a list of locally elected officials.  A Del Norte County representative has never served in this slot.

This position does not require Senate confirmation and the compensation is $100 per diem. McClure is a Democrat.

What would Kaitlin do?

Yeah. We added Sheen. Sorry Charlie, but you won't be recognized for your greatness until long after your death.

Kevin Hoover’s Arcata Eye usually boasts an eclectic array of letters to the editor, and the current issue is no exception. The collection starts off with letters from someone who doesn’t like full page ads, someone else who doesn’t like capitalism, several someones who will lose their will to live if an elderberry tree is pruned, and some deeply felt but poorly executed rant from Jeffrey Schwartz, whose burgeoning career seems to allow a suspiciously huge amount of time for letter-writing.

But our favorites were toward the end, including this inspirational missive from Maureen Kane.

May I ask you who your heroes are?

My heroes tend to be those persons who have been willing to speak truth to the ruling elite.Many of whom have been imprisoned and/or assassinated for doing so.

Such as: Socrates, Jesus, Shakespeare, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Thoreau, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Howard Zinn, Vandana Shiva, Noam Chomsky, Amy Goodman, etc….

Do you think any of us would be here now- or even want to be-without the intelligently courageous souls who have persisted in speaking out in promoting truth and justice for all?!?

Two of these souls are living right here within our community. They are Kaitlin Sopoci-Belknap and David Cobb, co-creators of Democracy Unlimited of Humboldt County.

Socrates, Jesus, Mahatma, and Kaitlin. Don’t look now, but we have goosebumps!! Readers who enjoy the taste of their own vomit can find the rest of the missive at the Arcata Eye.

Another letter, titled “Humboldt Baybasher,” is included here in its entirety.

So I was walking home today from Farmers’ Market and as I walked past the Arcata Community Center I saw a frightful thing! Beer cans, plastic cups, root beer cans (really), cigarette butts as far as the eye could see and all other sorts of revelry-induced garbage ALL OVER THE GROUND. In the bushes, in the street, on the sidewalk… everywhere.

I stopped to consider what might have caused such a mess so close to a public playground and the Community Center of all places and then I remembered: The Baykeeper’s Earth Day Bash was last night!

According to their mission statement, “Humboldt Baykeeper was launched in October, 2004 to safeguard our coastal resources for the health, enjoyment and economic strength of the Humboldt Bay community through education, scientific research and enforcement of laws to fight pollution.”

“Be a part of what they say is their ‘first Earth Day Bash,’ and watch Bernhard and his band do wrong right for the right reasons on Earth Day 2011.”

My neighborhood feels pretty polluted right now, and the gutters at the Community Center drain right in to the bay/creek, correct? I’m really jazzed that the Baykeeper charged people between $25 and $40 to come out and (literally) trash the areas surrounding the Community Center.

*sigh*

Beth Mason
Arcata

No doubt Kaitlin and David took a few minutes away from creating the philosophical underpinnings of western civilization to clean that shit up. That’s the stuff heroes are made of.

Accomplishments Mark Lovelace forgot to mention

Speaker to Lovelace: "Don’t act like a hurt little girl with me." Oh. Well. Maybe next time.

For those of you who missed Jonathan Speaker’s laugh-out-loud email smack-down of Third District Supervisor Mark Lovelace, treat yourself to a look at it here.

In it, Lovelace explains why he’s the best supervisor on the board, possibly the best ever, including in the future, and announces how he’s solved all of the county’s problems which, we might note, purely as an aside, remain largely unsolved.

In the spirit of helpfulness for which we Bugs are widely known, we thought we’d give the little guy a hand rounding out his list of accomplishments.

I know I know. You’re welcome!

More accomplishments Lovelace can take credit for:

  • Spent a shit-ton of public money on self-promotional travel
  • Was stupid enough to brag about it
  • Solved the airport problems that aren’t solved
  • Increased revenues that haven’t increased
  • Fixed permitting problems that aren’t fixed
  • Prioritized redundant self-congratulation over non-redundant broadband
  • Helped remove the Klamath dams by opposing their removal
  • Talked about himself in the third person and then didn’t know what that meant
  • Bragged about saying “I” more than 30 times in an email to a constituent
  • Put Humpty Dumpty together again
  • Gave generously of his height to pygmies
  • Spanked John Woolley in a legendary beer-pong showdown
  • Showed Obama how to get his jumper back online
  • Led a horse to water and made the fucker drink
  • Coined the phrase “Bros before hos”
  • Invented Al Gore’s invention of the Internet
  • Died for our sins
  • Grew that stupid beard so he could donate the hair to chemotherapy patients.

Have we left anything out?

Bugs Bio Makes New York Times Bestseller List!!!!

Imagine our surprise when we opened up the North Coast Journal and discovered that Eureka author and gardening guru Amy Stewart had penned a new book about yours truly

Seriously? We were so flattergasted we almost fainted. The Boston Globe calls her a “A passionate and inquisitive writer.”

We just call her “Hot.

Make that “Wicked Hot.

LOL CADS

Ohhhhh....Gov. Brown, pick me, pick me.

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