Public records requests turn up love notes Lovelace sends to himself

A pair of requests for emails sent to or from the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors has uncovered  a trove of love letters sent from Third District Supervisor Mark Lovelace–to himself.

"I love you Mark. I love you too Mark."

One said simply,

Dear Mark,

You make me happier than a dog on a meat truck.

Love always and forever,
Mark

Others were more lyrical:

Dear Mr. Lovelace,

I do so love calling you that, you who so loves that love itself is your name. Look at me, lover with love in your name…

That one bangs on for about an hour, but you get the general idea.

Some were more inspirational than romantic, such as this quick note titled “The Secret Of My Success”

Success is 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration, and 20% being smarter than everyone else.

Others were poetic:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
It’s only two inches
We’ll have to make do.

A few made no mention of Lovelace’s passion for himself, including this simple but stately haiku:

These meetings drag on
Slower than Wendy Chaitin.
Clif is kind of cute.

Several were more complex, including a 14-line Elizabethan sonnet in traditional iambic pentameter that ended as follows:

Whether dost they in heaven or earth appear
I’ll find those effers who run the Mirror.

Lovelace’s collected works will be published by the North Coast Outpost, accompanied by glowing reviews, several columns about how gentle and soft-spoken he is when he’s a prick to his constituents, a few hugs, a couple of winks and one very satisfying reach-around.

78 Responses

  1. We must begin the campaign to defeat Jimmy Smith today!

    C’mon Bugs, get on it! Let’s go!

  2. Coffee… on the computer screen…

    Messy, but worth it.

    LOL!

  3. Anonymous, I think you should try to defeat whomever you want to defeat. It’s called democracy.

  4. Come on, Word. You know progs don’t like democracy. They fancy themselves elites and think the rest of us unwashed rabble should stay out of their affairs.

  5. Hank’s not biased. He just likes who he likes, and everyone else is wrong. What’s the problem with that?

  6. So awesome.

    Thanks!

    And Anonymous 9:18 got it exactly right.

  7. But this, all pleasures fancies be;
    If ever any beauty did see,
    Which I desired and got,
    ’twas but a dream of thee.

    Substitue me for thee and John Donne instantly transforms to yet another Manic Midget Mantra!

    Like Girlie, coffee on my screen and damp panties (again!)

  8. I would nominate this for post of the year.

    Classic!!

  9. You guys actually believe that Hank Sims is firmly in the prog camp?

    Really?

  10. Your hero Arkley is exposed as a mean-spirited boorish ass by his own words.

    Your response – create fake emails by Mark.

    Very sad.

  11. Rob’s words are our gospel

    Go fuck yourself 10:32

  12. What’s sad are progs who take themselves soooo seriously. Get laid. It might help.

  13. sooooooo funny ! Keep up the good work !

  14. That “soooooo seriously” is curious, I gotta say. The phrase itself.

  15. I think I might give a bigger crap about Arkley’s “boorishness” if he was the one being paid so much tax money to govern our affairs. But he’s not. The arrogant prick Lovelace is. So he should watch his tone and keep his damn head down if he wants to keep the best paying job he’s ever had.

  16. Lovelace is a douche. He always has been, and he always will be. With the Coastal Commission appointment he’s starting to see the limits of his own self-aggrandizement. This is unlikely to improve his behavior, and will probably just make him a bigger douche than ever.

  17. Wow you guys are really helping your cause.

    Your hero Arkley writes nasty and boorish things and you jump to his defense by writing nasty and boorish posts.

    Do you guys really think this plays well with the good honest hardworking folk of Humboldt?

    Please don’t miss this opportunity to respond by calling me a “prog” or a “douche”. Wait, you could combine it by calling me a “prog douche”.

    Keep up the good work.

  18. Ok….. “you really are a prog douche” it is.

  19. Let make it complete – “prog” and “douche” with a small penis. Bugs and friends are obsessed by penis size, and you know what that means.

  20. Ours are much bigger than yours?

  21. I could care about anyone’s penis but mine. However I believe little Mark K should put his name on his posts.

    The good folks of Humboldt rarely read any of the blogs. The idea that some prog fuck cares what the good people of Humboldt think is funny as shit. They are elites, above all the common people.

    Point well made, Mark is on the payroll, get something done, stop playing with yourself.

    Arkley is a boor, try comparing yourself to him and see where you stand. Oh its not fair he started out with wealth. But look how far Mark has come with a small penis. Maybe there is hope for you one-thirty.

  22. Lots of proggies sure are worried about what the Mirror reports, aren’t they?

  23. It’s time all ya’ll progs stepped out into the sunshine

  24. Anonymous 3:59 I’m making the same observation today. Lots of lots of progs wanting everyone to know that this blog they’re reading isn’t worth reading. I wonder how that’s working out for them?

  25. Fucking hysterical graphic, by the way. It’s about time the Graphics Dept. hauled themselves out of bed and did a little work around here…

  26. The progs are here because after Mohland left the Herald there’s nothing to see over there. They’re down to Mark’s smarts and Elizabeth’s savvy, so you can imagine how far they’re getting with that.

  27. Is it true Mohland was so busy blogging he ran his coffee shop into the dirt?

  28. Step into the sunlight fellow Arkleyites

    Step into the sunlight

  29. Yep. Look away, people. Nothing to see here but all those progs who seem to be worried about something.

  30. Well, Citizen, you don’t often hear stories about people who shutter their businesses because they’re doing so well.

  31. Hey RGans, next time I see ya in the street, I’ll try and remember to flip you off. Please make sure to tell Rob. Maybe Rob can then email Mark and demand an apology?

    vty,

    Anonymous

  32. Sooooo, how long will it take for this IP address to be blocked by the Humbug & SNSC?

  33. Hey Anonymous, next time I see you in the street, I’m going to run over your shopping cart.

  34. Meat truck? What’s up with that?

    We like our meat freshly killed and raw…..otherwise kibbles and bits will have to do.

    Kinda like Robley and Marklace. Both striving mightily for substantive advantage in a figurative universe. No ink in either pen.

    Bugs, leave the dogs out of this. But, if I may Graphics Dept, you might want to consider a two way (no way) mirror with these two hyperegos staring at each other.

    Just a thought

    Just ghost writers in the sky.

  35. And that round goes to Randy Gans.

    Ouch!

  36. Ooh someones going ta flip Randy Gans off. Scare a that shit. Those progs are rolling hardcare tonight.

  37. I’m still just laughing about Mr. 120%. Too funny.

  38. Bill Pierson will have to step up his support of the Herald if he wants to keep the help happy. Elizabeth and Mark can’t be expected to do it all. They have lots of other things to fuck up.

  39. I wonder how many thousands of hits this post got today, most of them from scared progs. LOL

  40. I forgot to ask, is that photo of Mark actual size?

  41. Well the proggies are quiet now. I wonder if their Arkley obsession fades in the night.

  42. This is maybe the funniest post ever. Good one, bugsies.

  43. “Rob, Rob, somebody flipped me off – please make them stop!” And who should “man up” ?

  44. To bugs and all of your followers. You are the supposed working class that struggles with penis size and right verses left.
    I offer a working class, capitalist hero Larry Flynt who said in December of 2007:

    “I am a capitalist. I have made a lot of money being one. But to me, capitalism is only a game, and the money is just for the keeping score. Given the fact capitalism has been quite good to me, I criticize the system with great reluctance.

    There is no question that capitalism is one reason why America has been the most successful country on the planet. Even so, capitalism is not without its problems. Unregulated, it is capable of doing great harm. It can even destroy the other reason America has become the envy of the world, our democracy.

    Bush and his minions have spent the past seven years pushing unrestricted capitalism. As a result, we have lost our manufacturing base, jobs have fled south (and east and west) our middle class has been trashed; our food, water and air poisoned. Struggling to make ends meet, America’s workers feel the sting of capitalism unfettered.

    Most troubling, our politicians–both on the left and right–say nothing about this pressing issue. Yet if our democracy is to survive, we need to humanize our system by taming what President Franklin Delano Roosevelt called the “economic royalists.” A system that punishes its citizens is un-American.”

    Things have not changed much since Larry wrote that, and neither have some of us. We need to get beyond the demonizing and get back to work. We also need to take back our work as the commodity that it is,trading our hours for a third of our lives to enrich a corporate owned and run country. The country is being privatized and taken over by international banksters and corporations. Those that think otherwise have never been in business for themselves or don’t know who their competition is and will soon be out of business. Your competition is not the government but the corporations that own and run that government.

    But what do I know, you guys think that if I am a prog, I am a wealthy elitist. If you believe that, you will also vote against your own best interest.

  45. Listen, Tom. We just want to tell penis jokes and call people douchebags. We don’t want to read your term papers. Seriously.

  46. Tom: pull your head out of your arse. Quoting Larry Flynt? We are so impressed that you can do more than just look at filthy pictures. If you don’t like the US, there is an alternative. Also, go lecture the HH trolls. While you are at it, stuff a sock in Jane. She’s a babbling ranting idiot who sounds like Patrick Riggs in drag.

  47. Hey Tom, People’s Park called ….they miss you.

  48. “Rob, Rob – please stop those mean people from flipping me off. Can I have my allowance now?”

  49. I’m telling!

    I’m telling!

    I’m telling!

  50. Randy’s not actually one of the people I hear crying on this blog.

  51. I love the sound of crying progs first thing in the morning.

  52. That’s right, he only cries at city council meetings or when Rob threatens to take away his allowance

  53. Leave it to a prog to think a working man’s paycheck is “allowance.” At their maturity level, though, maybe we shouldn’t expect them to know the difference.

  54. This working man doesn’t have to shill for his boss to get a paycheck. I also don’t go running to him if I get insulted outside of work. That’s what we mean by “man up.” That said, I’ve never had a job.

  55. Is there nobody left in the center? I think the Humboldt Herald is offensive with how they bash Rob A. and I was hoping for an elevated discourse from the Mirror. I was sadly disappointed. What is up with all of these personal attacks on local figures? Can’t we focus on their policies and what they are doing in the community?

  56. You went to the mirror for “elevated discourse”?
    What the hell did you teach?

  57. Hey that’s funny. A prog using the phrase “man up”. I think that is the epitome of an oxymoron!

  58. Guess I taught a course for suckers like myself. I thought the Mirror was where the high-minded conversation took place. Is this where you guys bash the liberals and the Herald is their ground where they bash the conservatives? It is like cyber gang warfare. Crazy.
    Why couldn’t a prog say “man up”? Are all progs pussies or something? Just curious.

  59. So fucking funny. Post anything at all about how hard the Herald sucks since Mohland walked away and watch how fast the comment gets deleted.

  60. When did the Herald not suck?

  61. Gets deleted at the Herald, by the way. Not here, as you can see.

  62. You illiterate rednecks can’t handle real comments so you edit them – you’ll probably edit this one too. Either that or you’ll give Rob a call and have him send a nastygram. Yes, Man Up.

  63. Wow, where I come from Red Neck means someone who works in the sun for a living. In most cases works pretty hard. Illiterate I would rather be than a prog fuck. Who by definition sits to pee.

    As far a man-up, whats got your tiny wiener in such a state. Are you so fucking stupid that your can’t see Mark is a public employee. He draws a salary paid by you and me. RA is in fact a business man. He runs company’s that provide ” jobs ” living wage jobs in fact.. He maybe hard to suffer but he is not on the payroll. He is a citizen just as much as you or I am. He does not answer to your idiot self. Just because you have an opinion it does not mean everyone gives a shit. However in my humble experience you have a much better chance of being heard here than you ever do at Hblog.

    Previous post is on to something, as I noted before the Hblog has undergone a chance. Why I can only guess. But its almost become irrelevant. Dickhead seems to be the new editor, and perhaps because of his hate and drinking it is going down hill fast.

  64. Change. The dog hit the key before I proof read.

  65. We’re with you, another guy. Now let’s go hate us some book learnin’!

  66. When’s the next anonymous mailer hitting the streets Humbug? Who are we falsely accusing this time?

    Can you please ask the higher ups at SNSC?

  67. When’s the next anonymous mailer hitting the streets Humbug?

  68. RA is a sleazy middle-man who draws a salary out of you and me by providing a non-productive service that we all end up paying for. I agree a real redneck works hard for the money and has something to show at the end of the day. What does RA make or do? RA and his minions shuffle paper and money around and then take a cut. It would be unnecessary if not for so much government rules and regulation. I guess he’s not that different than Lovelace.

  69. Funny; the more some people rant and rave in negative tones about Mr. Arkley, the more I like the man.

  70. I had the opportunity to douche in Mr. Arkley’s mobile baptismal pool. It was a life changing experience.

    Thank you Rob!

  71. I liked this blog a lot better before all the tight ass humorless progdumps started running their tripe.

    Tell me anon 9:07, what is it that you do that makes you so deserving of being paid. Funny stuff, if you don’t understand the difference between people like RA and douches like Marky, your one lost simple soul.

    Heraldo is becoming more irrelevant by the post. Read the dumb responses to the LLC’s. It will show you the mentality of the Heraldo folks. No concept of what it all represents. Just like little monkey’s. RA-Bad, H says so, LLC’s bad, they parrot that stupid line over and over again. No concept of business, accounting, liability, taxes, nothing about how the world works.

    Prog’s flag should be a Monkey fucking a Parrot. Truly representative of their progressive thought process..

  72. Sooooooooooo – they don’t like LLC’s?

    Like Vilica LLC? I beg to differ.

  73. LLC’s? What is the LLC possessing?

  74. Hate to say this Rose, but I actually think you politics are more ridiculous than the progs

    Extreme viewpoints are the real problem in this county

  75. Hey 7:55, Ethel and I think the term “you politics” is pretty ridiculous. Sooooooo ridiculous.

    Hugs.

  76. Ps kudos to the graphics dept. Ethel peed herself when she saw the midget walking in the woods dreaming “hearts” about himself.

  77. When I see Marky Mark dreaming of himself among all those trees I dream of chainsaws. It all started with that first damn cherry tree. Or it could be because I still hold a deep grudge over those shitty wooden dentures.

  78. You had me at the haiku; you slayed me with the iambic pentameter. Good job!

    I was born in Eureka, but I’m an escapee. I was never good at growing plants and I’ve never looked good in stripes; I couldn’t stomach working for a government agency or in education – I’m a straight, white conservative male and being treated like shit and working longer and harder than others and that being viewed as a negative didn’t appeal to me; and, living in the relatively expensive Humboldt area without a good job means living with rif-raf – so, I moved.

    If I get back there, I’d like to meet you. A sense of humor, intelligence, and a logical political POV is rare. Count me in as an admirer.

    Regards,

    socodave

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