A pair of requests for emails sent to or from the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors has uncovered a trove of love letters sent from Third District Supervisor Mark Lovelace–to himself.
One said simply,
You make me happier than a dog on a meat truck.
Love always and forever,
Others were more lyrical:
Dear Mr. Lovelace,
I do so love calling you that, you who so loves that love itself is your name. Look at me, lover with love in your name…
That one bangs on for about an hour, but you get the general idea.
Some were more inspirational than romantic, such as this quick note titled “The Secret Of My Success”
Success is 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration, and 20% being smarter than everyone else.
Others were poetic:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
It’s only two inches
We’ll have to make do.
A few made no mention of Lovelace’s passion for himself, including this simple but stately haiku:
These meetings drag on
Slower than Wendy Chaitin.
Clif is kind of cute.
Several were more complex, including a 14-line Elizabethan sonnet in traditional iambic pentameter that ended as follows:
Whether dost they in heaven or earth appear
I’ll find those effers who run the Mirror.
Lovelace’s collected works will be published by the North Coast Outpost, accompanied by glowing reviews, several columns about how gentle and soft-spoken he is when he’s a prick to his constituents, a few hugs, a couple of winks and one very satisfying reach-around.