Times-Standard bids farewell to Southern Humboldt with one last laughably sanctimonious editorial

All ye rural residents of Humboldt County, know this: The Times-Standard cares about you. A lot.

No, really!!

That’s why the county’s only local daily newspaper has taken up your cause against those rat bastards from the Postal Service who want to close a handful of your small rural post offices.

Have a look at this impassioned editorial from Saturday’s paper:

These closures are about more than just numbers. The people in the communities of Korbel, Blocksburg, Honeydew, Kneeland, Weott, Phillipsville, Redcrest and Samoa depend on their post offices for more than just mail. They serve as community centers, places to share news and keep in touch. Most of these residents don’t have the option of home delivery. This is their only landline to the outside world, and the mail there brings more than letters and bills — it brings needed supplies. They simply depend on the post office in ways those of us who live in more urban areas do not.

So maybe the Times-Standard is just trying to help by ensuring that in Blocksburg, Honeydew, Weott, Phillipsville, Redcrest and many, many other communities there will be quite a bit less news to share–because the T-S is discontinuing delivery to all of Southern Humboldt effective August 31. So much for landlines to the outside world!

The editorial notes that if the post office in Honeydew is closed, the nearest post office would be 15 miles away in Petrolia. By comparison, after the Times-Standard ends delivery, Honeydew residents would have to travel two or three times that distance to get to the nearest news box.

Not that anyone would. It is, after all, the Times-Standard.

But really. Mediocrity is no excuse for hypocrisy.

Not that the Times-Standard has ever needed an excuse for that before.

Lovelace disappointed his Board won’t do his bidding

A quick note on grammar, if we may.

The Lost Coast Outpost reports that District 3 Supervisor Mark Lovelace took to his Facebook page last week to castigate his fellow board members for not voting the way he wants on the controversial multifamily rezoning plan. But Lovelace did so in an odd way–using a grammatical variant of the genitive case to indicate ownership or possession of his fellow supervisors [emphasis ours]:

My Board needs to stop blaming staff for the difficult decision that’s before us. Staff has done everything we’ve asked of them and answered every question. Now we need to make a decision based on the information in front of us and recognize that we own the consequences of that decision. This is what we were elected to do. It’s time for my Board to do its job.

If it really was his Board, as he has said now with nauseating repetition, one might think he’d have no reason to go cry-babying all over the Internets because his fellow supervisors decline to do what he says. Yes, we understand that Lovelace is the current chair of the board, a revolving position that moves to a different district each year. That hardly qualifies him to claim ownership of four other people who were elected the same way he was to represent the voters in their districts.

So FYI, Mark. This is not your Board.

It’s ours.

And we think each supervisor’s vote should reflect the will of his or her constituents, not the dictates of a midget with a God complex.

Will Patty Berg rise from the dead to run for… county supervisor?

The Ice Berg cometh again? Eek.

That’s the new rumor around town, and perhaps we shouldn’t be too quick to dismiss it. Berg has demonstrated her post-Assembly ambition previously by making a failed play for insurance commissioner, before trying to shove supposed political ally Pat Wiggins out of the senate seat Berg wanted when Wiggins began showing early signs of dementia.

In neither case was Berg able to drum up the party support necessary to win a position at the state level. But she doesn’t really need that to run for county supervisor. All she needs is a “residence” in a district she thinks she can win.

Anyone have any guesses where that might be?

How did we miss this?

Bill Ayers made a return trip Friday to Northtown Books in Arcata, the same spot a photo was previously taken showing District 3 Supervisor basically melt into a puddle of googly-eyed adoration while shaking the former terrorist’s hand. Was the bromance rekindled last week?

Crap photo by Kevin Hoover. The floating pink hearts are all ours.

Times-Standard provides one more reason to stop reading it

As part of its strategic plan to reduce costs by downsizing itself into oblivion, the Times-Standard announced a new price structure that requires separate payments for print and online subscriptions.

The announcement was accompanied by a polished ad campaign that showed a photo of a bustling newsroom, beneath which read, “More money, more suck. Promise.”

The new pricing scheme appears to have confused some readers, who wonder why, if they already have a print subscription, they will be billed again to read the same news online. As commenter A Guy said on the North Coast Journal blog,

They’ve already collected the news, written it up, and not had it copy edited or spell checked, so where’s the additional cost?

Netflix outraged thousands of people several weeks ago when it announced separate subscription rates for DVD and digital delivery. Times-Standard Publisher Dave Kuta noted that the two price models are similar, “except Netflix isn’t crap.”

Kuta added, “Increasingly businesses are recognizing that digital content can demand a premium. They’re learning that there’s stuff on the Internet worth paying for. Not our stuff, obviously, but someone’s.”

Pierson bestie to step down from Coastal Commission

Peter Douglas, the polarizing executive director of the California Coastal Commission and frequent Bill Pierson lunch date, announced he will retire at the end of November.

Read the San Francisco Chronicle article here.

It's our party and we'll cry if we want to.

Grand Jury finds EPD failed to follow own policies in handling ‘report of wrongdoing which may have involved an elected official’

Damn shame we have absolutely no idea what that’s about, isn’t it?

The Grand Jury concluded that although the Eureka Police Department handled the unexplained matter “without following what little protocol their own manual contains,” and that one “member of the EPD” said it “wasn’t that important” for existing protocols to be followed in this case, “nothing was illegally done” by the department.

The same is not said for the elected official.

Ah, vindication, yes? Sometimes it smells an awful lot like teen spirit.

Read the entire 2011 Grand Jury report here.

Bugs outsource Blog to way funnier person

Brought to you by the Mayor of Henderson Center.

What happened to our Internets?

What, are we Amish? No 3G, no wi-fi, no network, no cell phone, no home phone, no Netflix, no texting, no porn, no gaming, no blogging. The way some younger members of the Bug household were banging on you’d think we were having to churn our own butter. Lost Coast Outpost reports our rascally non-redundant fiber optic cable was burned in a fire in Willits. Anyone hear anything different?

Flashback Friday!!

Back by popular demand–it’s Flashback Friday! Yippee!!

Here’s one of our faves from back in the day.

Remember, Flashback Friday: Because we suck twice as hard the second time around.

Hugs!!

St. Joe’s CEO injures self in Mexico to avoid treatment at St. Joe’s

February 11, 2008 by The Humbug

St. Joseph Hospital Chief Executive Joe Mark confirmed Monday that he decided to fracture his skull in Mexico, instead of Eureka, because of what he called the “superior quality of health care” available in developing countries.

Mark and his wife, Peggy, both suffered moderate injuries Sunday in a zip-line accident in Puerto Vallarta.

Reached Monday afternoon by phone, Mark told the Humboldt Mirror that he was feeling “as well as could be expected,” in light of the fact that his follow-up care would likely take place at the crap hospital he runs.

“It’s not for nothing that Peg and I travel so much,” he said. “In years past we’ve gone to Egypt to tour the pyramids and get bitten by poisonous snakes, to Kenya for a devastating safari-Jeep rollover, and even to Chechnya for an emergency appendectomy.”

The Marks were expected to return to the U.S. Monday night, after the bulk of their medical treatment had been completed.

BREAKING: Lovelace, Girard do their jobs

This headline comes straight from the Will Wonders Never Cease Department:

Lovelace, county help Cypress Grove find new dairy site

That the headline isn’t exactly true diminishes our amazement but little. According to the Times-Standard article, District 3 Supervisor Mark Lovelace and Community Disservices Development Director Kirk Girard are helping Cypress Grove look for a new dairy site. Hopefully their uncharacteristic public support of business will persist all the way through to the finding stage of this endeavor. Fingers crossed!

Also from the Times-Standard is a story yesterday about beginning the search for a new EPD chief. Curiously, even inexplicably, our favorite local daily chose to illustrate the article with a photo of former EPD chief Garr Nielsen.

What, exactly, might that be about? Were they trying to depict the last person on earth who might get hired for the job? Or does someone need to break out the Andrea Bocelli cassettes and tell poor, sad Mr. Greenson over there that it is, in fact, time to say goodbye?

Tan triste, amigos!!

Scientists to drive whales back to sea by reading them text of Linda Atkins’ most recent ‘My Word’

We knew whales could sing. But who would have thought they can scream?

 

Did you know that Eureka City Councilmember Linda Atkins was a complete ass over Nielsen’s sacking because she’s Thomas Fucking Jefferson? Neither did we.

But look. There it is.

Throughout the history of our country, dissent has been important to bringing change to our government. Without dissent and protest, we would still be English citizens, people would still own other people as slaves, women would not have the vote and you would have no idea how completely full of shit I am.

True, we made that last part up.

But a sidenote, if we may: Yes, Linda, dissent is patriotic.  As is peace. So do the city a favor and shut the fuck up.

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