The best ‘Best of Humboldt’

After years of reading the North Coast Journal’s “Best of Humboldt” list for its sedative qualities–“Best Pot Plant,” “Best Thought Andrew Goff Had Today,” “Best Descended Testicle”–*yawn*–both of our readers suggested we put together a list of our own.

Without further ado:

Best Ending to a 50-Year Job Search: If anyone’s wondered whatever happened to Humboldt County’s most unsympathetic homeless person, he has turned into Humboldt County’s most unlikely security guard! Congratulations Tad Robinson for landing a night watchman gig at the Old Creamery Building in Arcata. Peace be with you, taxpayer!!

Best ‘Personnel Matter’ Ending in a Contract Termination ‘Without Cause': Former Eureka Police Chief Garr Nielsen had this one in the bag heading into last week–and then BAM! Out of nowhere came David Hull’s abrupt termination after 15 years as Harbor Commission CEO. One difference between the two is that Hank Sims has yet to tell us the last one is going to be A VERY BIG DEAL, which he said about the first one 15 seconds before no one gave a shit anymore.

Best Legislative Field Aide: This hotly contested category ended in a photo-finish tie for first between Wes Chesbro rep John Woolley’s eyebrows. Mike Thompson’s Humboldt aide, John Driscoll, was an exceedingly distant third.

Best Peacemaker: Among Kirk Girard’s lesser-known qualities is his ability to bring together individuals from across the political spectrum, such as he did with his recent multi-family rezoning plan. That they all came together to oppose the plan diminishes his achievement only slightly but perhaps explains why Girard did not get the nod in the Best Community Development Disservices Director category.

Best Lucrative Business Diversification: The Environmental Protection Information Center, long known for its massive marijuana production and distribution network, has recently expanded into the highly profitable field of environmental litigation. Good job, EPIC!

Best New Editor of the North Coast Journal who’s not a complete a whack job: Carrie Peyton-Dahlberg–but friends, this one’s not over yet! Reportedly what the former Sac Bee writer lacks in psychopathy she may be making up for in condescending arrogance. Said one Mirror reader: “Someone please tell her moving here from Sacramento doesn’t give her intellectual authority over us slow-witted locals. It’s fucking Sacramento, ok? She may have been smart for leaving it, but let’s not forget she was dumb enough to be there in the first place.” Point made.

Best Business ‘Progessives’ Hate: Move over, Home Depot. Forget about it, Walmart. Say hello to Coast Central Credit Union, a local business whose success has incurred the wrath of local whiny-ass free-market losers. How deep does the Prog animosity run? Andrew Bird has reported “moving his assets” to another institution. Look the hell out now, CCCU!! When Andy Bird and his $30k a year salary walk away, YOU’RE FUCKED.

That’s it for now. Send your nominations for next year to humboldtmirror@gmail.com.

Hugs!!

27 Responses

  1. WAY better. Thanks, Bugs. I hope this becomes an annual tradition.

  2. Best post in a long time. I bet even Bob Doran’s wife thinks it’s funny.

  3. It’s certainly funnier than anything Bob’s ever written.

  4. And its a wonderful Sunday! There’s nothing like lmao over a great cup of java and the Mirror.

    Anyone know who got himself Hull’s job? That’s gonna be a shitstorm when it comes out. A very big shitstorm.

  5. Dear Bugs,

    This is the best thing I’ve read all month!

    That said, I’m a bit peeved that you could have left out my favorite category, “Best Lie Ever Told by a Member of the Planning Department”. I was all ready to stuff the box for Kirk Girard’s timeless classic, “…We have the most accurate land inventory in the state”.

    With all Mr. Girard is going through these days, I feel like we should recognize all of the things we apprciate about him. For me, it’s his ability to say shit like that with a straight face.

    I’m really going to miss that guy :(

  6. In a word: Awesome.

  7. Most counter productive nut-job hippocrate: Sean Armstrong. Who single familied Cypress Grove’s beautifully planned dairy right out of Arcata.

  8. Two words: f’ing awesome! Thanks bugsters.

  9. Just splendid Bugs! Oh, and George, my dear, will this be as good as the crap that will flow in the lastest Garr Garbage Suit?

  10. And this week’s North Coast Journal editor is………

  11. One thing is for sure, the readers of the North Coast Journal like the Mirror better than my blog. I didn’t even show up in their ratings but you got at least 1 percent. You guys seem to attract that KHUM demographic that for all my progressive tendencies, I just can’t seem to capture. Congratulations!

  12. Here’s a new winner: Best Local Blog Post in a Long Damn Time.

  13. Garr Bage ! What a loser !

  14. Tom , your problem is that you are not a Kool-aid drinker. You are at best a moderate lib. The club doen’t let your type in the inner sanctium. They will of cousre hussel you for $$$$$$.

  15. [Troll posts gets deleted. Deal with it.]

  16. Go away prog troll. Put that dumb shit on Hblog so all you little trollits can dance around. I could be wrong but from the grammar I would say its chicken shit Richard. Same whiner crap as always. Move to fucking China Richard.

  17. I love progs. Society needs an underclass.

  18. Too funny.

  19. Just noticed that the Humboldt Sentinel doesn’t link to this blog. WTF?

  20. Progs hate the truth and have absolutely no sense of humor. Pity.

  21. Love the moderation settings required to protect Mr. A

  22. Actually the moderation is due to WordPress troll. But when it comes to trolls, I don’t mind. If you want censorship then back to HH where it occurs every time a moderate posts. Man they are sure Whacked over there. Nuts. Cuckoo for Cocoa-puffs. Stoned and tweaking.

    What a beautiful sunrise this morning.

  23. Rain at 5:10 then the sunrise, great start to the day.

    This site is moderation free compared to the Progblog. Course that is at max 10-12 people. Half of comments are made by H himself or his trolls. Then comes Salzman the prick, Dr. Miller aka NAN, which ever of the prog bitches that is PJ, and of course tra. Who of course is anything but, oh and don’t forget George Clark and MR.

    All people pushing a agenda, none of it good for Humboldt. Mostly socialist rehash with a different name on it.

    Truth is, under no other system in the history of man has there been greater ability for regular folks to move themselves upward.

    As they say, Socialism works great, until you have spent all of other peoples money.

    We live in one of the best places on the planet. Lets not fuck it up.

  24. Wow, Mirrorites appear to spend alot of time on the HBlog

  25. Best Git Da Fuk Outta Town-Larry Glass
    Best “I’d lick my own balls if I could, but until then, I’ve got my dog”-Richard Sleazeman
    Best Munchkin-Mark Loveless in his Riverdance days

  26. Randy Gans, where is the Marina Center?

    Is the Coastal Commission going to give you guys the go-ahead?

  27. Oh 7:47. You made a really big funny.

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