Brace yourself Hollywood for the next Box Office Brash

Rated "R" for Redundant as Fuck.

U.S. CELLULAR 707-502-2760

Buy now, and get one of these for free.

Does that phone number look familiar? It appears on the Bug residence’s caller ID six or eight times a week, never with any message. But it’s a cell phone number, right? It must be someone we know!

Not so fast, friends. In fact it is a Times-Standard telemarketer, offering us a subscription we’ve said 50 times we have no fucking interest in, ever, and by the way, douchepickles, our number is on the Do Not Call registry, which means, in case this is in any way unclear, that you Do Not Call it.

I love when the Times-Standard showcases its community spirit, which seems to be all the time these days. Is there anything they do anymore that isn’t at least a little bit shitty?

HumCo Mile-High Club Kicks Off

Unlike his Bronco's ball-juggling Heisman-Trophy-winning buddy, Mark Lovelace never met a sack he didn't like.

Times-Standard to fill Monday news hole with 52-part series on discontinuing Monday newspaper

Here's some guy with a camera. Photo credit: The Eureka Times-Standard

The Times-Standard announced today that “Digital First” Mondays are now in effect. Modeled after North Korea’s “Military First” policy, the new approach will allow the Times-Standard to devote assloads of resources to something it has no hope of doing well, angering thousands and starving much of its staff to death in the process.

The first digital Monday featured an article about not getting a paper, a letter from the publisher about not getting a paper, and also some frequently asked questions on the subject of–what was it? Oh right. Not getting a paper. Super interesting reading all the way around.

Despite their thoroughness overall, however, they did come up a bit short on the Q and A. Sure, they got the big ones: “Where’s the crossword?” “Where are the ads?” “Where’s the Sudoku?” and “Where are the comics?” (“Where’s the news?” came in at question number five, right before the one about not getting your money back even though you paid for seven newspapers a week and now they’re giving you only six.)

So here are a few things we would like to know:

1. What will happen to the penetrating commentary that normally graces the Monday editorial page?

2. When will you begin printing on flushable newsprint?

3. What will you do with Monday’s marijuana graphic?

4. Do you know where I can get a bird that shits only six days a week?

For the hardliners out there who absolutely must know what’s going on every day, Publisher Dave Kuta announced that the news that would have been printed in Monday’s paper will now appear in either the Sunday or Tuesday editions, either before it happens or after you no longer care.

Humboldt Mirror blog stats for 2011 reveal record traffic

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 54 other followers