Happy Thanksgiving USFWS!!!!

Report: Atkins would suspend campaign, if she had one

In a show of solidarity with East Coast Democrats hit hard by Hurricane Sandy, City Councilwoman Linda Atkins announced today that she would suspend her re-election campaign, if she had one.

Linda Atkins stole this jacket from Virginia Bass.

“Yeah, big whoop, I know,” Atkins said. “I could actually give a shit about New York, but fuck. I had to do something to get my name in the paper, you know?”

Atkins explained. “Everyone’s all, ‘Oh yeah, Linda, run for re-election, Linda, we need you,’ but then no one gives me shit for money and my dumb ass is out there raffling off the six fucking lawn signs I could afford to make and having to fabricate BS stories so people will remember I exist.”

Atkins previously made headlines by stating that Sandy would make a “direct hit” on Eureka after annihilating Des Moines, Salt Lake and Carson City. She pointed to predictions by federal weather officials that temperatures in Eureka would likely plunge into the low- to mid-40s around Humboldt Bay overnight. Residents would also battle “perfect storm” conditions as winds — expected to gust upwards of 14 mph — combined with as much as .14 inches of rain. Micro-flooding and damp vegetation would impact many low lying areas or lawn with poor drainage.

“Okay, whatever,” Atkins said. “I would just like to point out to all the people out there who say I don’t do nothing but grandstand around and bitch about whatever the other councilmembers do that, okay, there’s some truth to that, but there’s also some truth to there hasn’t been a single hurricane to hit Eureka since I was elected, okay?” she said. “So suck on that.”

Kirk Girard’s GPU Monkeyfuck dies with a wimper

What? General Plan shocker!! Who saw this coming?

Other than everyone, of course.

We saw it coming, and we’re not even smart.

Anyone who thought this board was going to blithely accept the Kirk Girard General Plan Update needs to be issued an encephalitic helmet so he or she can walk down that hall without further injury to the brain. Elections have consequences. The progs flogged the dog on the GPU for more than a dozen years in a process that was, most of the time, laughably fucked, and now they’ve lost control of the process. This is commonly referred to as the will of the voters, the way of the world. Sometimes one side wins, sometimes another. And anyone who can’t hack that basic political fact should go back to working for Ken Miller. He’s always just about one idiot shy of a quorum, and it looks like in this case there are two up for grabs.

Court rules Caltrans not planning to go all crazy on big trees

If the Progs felt the end of the world was nigh when Walmart opened in the area’s largest retail mall last month, today’s revelation is all four Horsemen of the Apocalypse giddyupping right over their tree-hugging backs.

Although there is some federally ordered remapping of trees to be done, the Humboldt County Superior Court ruled in favor of Caltrans and gives the go ahead for the Richardson Grove Improvement Project to move forward. It might be the final straw that forces the environmental and job-hating groups to commit a Heaven’s Gate-style mass suicide. Oh no, slightly larger trucks are coming!!!

We kid. But seriously. In his 30-page decision, Judge Dale Reinholtsen said the court determined that Caltrans isn’t the Devil and doesn’t hate trees. Particularly really big, old redwood trees. And not surprisingly, he found that Caltrans followed California’s environmental laws just fine. Desperate appeals from oddly named people or groups to follow no doubt.

Times-Standard likely to suck even more

It’s official. (Well, it’s probably official. It’s coming from the North Coast Journal, right?)

Rumors are afloat that the area’s longstanding daily newspaper the Eureka Times-Standard, only a wispy shell of what it was a few years ago, will be outsourcing more of its content or production. Or both. Local jobs might be lost.

Will the last one out please turn the lights off?

It’s a sad day for newsfolk and yet another blow from the T-S’s corporate schmucks.

This means many Humboldt County residents will probably have to get vital news and important information in the near future from the area’s next two biggest media outlets: Charles Douglas’ Humboldt Sentinel and Humboldt State University’s The Lumberjack newspaper.

Both are stoked, but couldn’t be reached for comment. The Lumberjack’s editor graduated in May and Douglas’ mom had the phone in her basement removed because of budget cuts.

The Arcata High Journalism Club will also jockey for a piece of the pie.

Lovelace’s GPU assessment just doesn’t measure up

Warning: Objects in The Mirror may appear larger than they actually are.

Third District Supervisor Marky Mark Lovelace was in damage control mode in a recent T-S article and quoted trying to diminish the most recent bungle discovered in the General Plan Update process.

The massive decade-long debacle overseen by the now departed Planning Director Kirk Girard has been mired in delays, controversy, more delays, staff infighting, yet more delays, and a shocking amount of wasted time by the county’s planning commissioners who have been stuck with sorting out the mess before it goes to the Board of Supervisors for approval.

And now community concerns over a paragraph linking unplanned pregnancies to global warming that was cut and pasted into the GPU’s environmental supporting document are “overblown,” according to Lovelace.

He also noted that it’s not surprising there would be “typos” because the EIR’s appendices were 10-inches thick. We’re left seriously doubting whether Mark even knows what 10 inches looks like.

I Sucking is latest craze to hit local journalism scene

While staffing cutbacks continue to plague the Times-Standard’s skeleton crew that is apparently already overburdened with reporting vital news for a roughly 3.5 thousand-square-mile county, the beleaguered braintrust at the area’s last almost daily newspaper has decided to enlisted the help of a very powerful ally.

Yeah, that’s right: you. The T-S is asking for your to help fill its sleeker, more svelte paper the only way it can. Because for God’s sake, if it’s that important, you should be there, right? Thanks T-S, we couldn’t have come up with a better solution to be informed about area events while we are at work or sleeping. And we’ll still continue to pay for it too. Brilliant!

And what exactly do you get with “I Journalism?” How about a gripping photo of a  grisly four-car collision near Ferndale. Not. Even the assistant fire chief of the Ferndale Volunteer Fire Department called this incident that made its way on to the T-S Website a “minor fender bender.” One of the vehicles involved was so badly damaged from the collision that it apparently drove out of this crime scene before this photo was taken.

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