Gallegos found guilty of wankering another big case

In a related development, former Blue Lake police chief David Gundersen was found not guilty of raping his most recent wife.

A big cheer anyway for our idiot district attorney.

We say “douche,” you say “bag.”

DOUCHE.

Confirmed: Gundersen attorney desperately seeking venue change

Local defense attorney Russ Clanton confirmed Friday that he is seeking a more hospitable venue for the trial of former Blue Lake Police Chief David Gundersen, who remains in custody on 30 felony charges related to his alleged drugging and raping of a handful of his current and former wives.

Clanton said he chose July 4 to confirm the rumors District Attorney Paul Gallegos had leaked to the Times-Standard earlier last week because of the day’s symbolism, and because the terms of Clanton’s retainer allow him to bill double-time on national holidays.

Clanton added that he had made a list of venues in which he believes the alleged crimes of his client would be more favorably viewed.

These include 17th-Century New England, Warren Jeffs’ polygamist ranch, the movie set of “Super Troopers,” and in whatever jurisdiction Gallegos is vacationing during the trial.

Blue Lake’s entire police force now on paid administrative leave

In yet another sign of the managerial buffoonery for which the city of Blue Lake is now widely known, the city’s two remaining police officers have been placed on administrative leave by City Mismanager Wiley Buck, just days after they signed a letter of no confidence in Buck’s disastrous administration.

But wait, Buck told the Times-Standard. The timing of the events is completely coincidental! Really!!

“Don’t tie those together,” he said. “They are two separate issues that are unfortunately happening at the same time.”

Mayor Sherman Schapiro, using a curious turn of phrase, backed up Buck’s assertion.

The officers were sidelined due to liability issues, Schapiro said, because the city doesn’t “have anyone in charge who is intimate with police work.”

It may be worth noting that the city has been without its famously intimate police chief for nine weeks now, but Buck didn’t force the two officers to step down until five days after they announced they would submit the no-confidence letter.

Still, as one observer noted in a previous thread, this fluke correlation of events is among the least of Blue Lake residents’ concerns.

Much higher on the list is the fact that residents are now paying four police officers full time for exactly no policing.

We feel safe just thinking about it!!

Blue Lake City Council shows some sack

But just a little, really. Next to none, now that we think about it.

Blue Lake Police Chief David Gundersen will get the boot—but not until May 5.

What the fuck?

Whether he raped anyone or not is, at this point, almost irrelevant to his employment status. So many other confirmed improprieties have surfaced during the course of the rape investigation that he could never again have the confidence of the public.

Our tax dollars are already providing his room and board, his safety, his medical care, his prosecution and even his attractive orange jumpsuit. So why do we need to continue paying him for another three weeks?

Related posts:

-At this point, we would definitely consider a name change
-Police chief pleads not guilty to spousal rape, requests Valentine’s Day conjugal with wife
-Police chief denies spousal rape accusation, says two were never married

Police chief pleads not guilty to spousal rape, requests Valentine’s Day conjugal with wife

Blue Lake Police Chief David Gundersen pleaded not guilty Wednesday to 12 counts of raping his wife while she was drugged or intoxicated, and filed a motion through his attorney requesting a conjugal visit with his unidentified spouse in celebration of Valentine’s Day.

Westhaven defense attorney Russ Clanton, who filed the emergency order, said he did so “on behalf of husbands and wives everywhere. “

“I see nothing in any of these charges that suggests to me the chief shouldn’t be allowed to celebrate this important holiday in the usual way,” Clanton said.

While he acknowledged that most married couples spend Valentine’s Day engaging in masturbatory fantasies about people on TV, Clanton said the Gundersen marriage was different.

“The chief and his wife engaged in frequent and entirely consensual sexual activity, which was intimate in nature and certainly not criminal.”

Clanton characterized the couple’s sexual contact as “a specialized form of playing doctor—first he played anesthesiologist, and then he played gynecologist. He should be facing board certification, not a dozen rape charges.”

In a related move, Clanton requested that the judge be given enough sleeping pills and cheap Chablis that the “court would be rendered incapable of refusing my client’s unwanted legal demands.”

The motion is scheduled to be heard today in Humboldt County Superior Court.

Related post: Chief denies spousal rape accusation, says two were never married

Police chief denies spousal rape accusation, says two were never married

The embattled chief of the Blue Lake Police Department issued a strongly worded statement Sunday night stating that he is “completely innocent” of spousal rape because he is not married to the woman he drugged and sexually assaulted.

David Gundersen, 53, was arrested Friday in McKinleyville on suspicion of drugging and raping a woman identified only as his “wife,” who is said to be a Blue Lake police sergeant.

In Gundersen’s first public statement, he wrote, “I have every confidence that I will be vindicated of these baseless charges, and I challenge those who now seek to smear my name to produce a single shred of proof that I am in any way ‘married’ to the woman I raped.”

Gundersen went on to say that “concealed beneath” the rape accusations is an “elaborately orchestrated plan” to prove a violation of the department’s policy prohibiting nepotism.

“I am fully cognizant of the seriousness of that claim,” he wrote, “and am prepared to provide clear and convincing proof that I am completely innocent of improperly hiring and promoting anyone.”

Reached by phone late Saturday, Jeffrey Schwartz, Gundersen’s defense attorney and part-time Sizzler hostess, said allegations such as this are not uncommon in a small town.

“We don’t have the luxury of six degrees of separation in a population this size,” Schwartz said. “It’s not uncommon to go around hiring, promoting and raping all kinds of people only to find out later that you’re actually married to them.”

But the former deputy district attorney said that in this case that simply didn’t occur. “I’d go so far as to bet a free trip through the salad bar that David is absolved of all charges,” he said.

Gundersen remained in custody on $500,000 bail.

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