1986: Kind of a crap year

Bon Bon Jovi: Living on a prayer.

The space shuttle Discovery blew up. Chernobyl melted down. Halley’s Comet was a major bust, and the Bears beat the living crap out of our Patriots in Super Bowl XX. Closer to home, something called MAXXAM purchased the Pacific Lumber Company, and Bonnie Neely was elected Fourth District Supervisor.

Now PALCO is gone, of course, as is the Soviet Union. The shuttle program isn’t far behind. Somehow the poor Bears ended up with that jackass Cutler, and then there’s the Patriots of which WE SHALL NOT SPEAK.

Which brings us to the Bon Bon.

In the 23 years that she’s been feeding at the electorate’s trough, she has valiantly campaigned against lousy jobs and low wages and given us instead no jobs and no wages.

She helped defeat one Big Box on the Balloon Track, in order to preserve the waterfront for light industrial and harbor-based business. In its place she has given us no industry and no business.

She fought a partial cleanup of the property, and in 23 years there has been no cleanup of any property.

In 1999, she thanked the voters of Eureka for saying no to Walmart because “they had a vision for a better project.” In the 10 years since, she has supported no vision for any project.

She called the previous proposal for the Balloon Track “the laziest, most uncreative use for the coast” she’d ever seen, but has since provided nothing in the way of viable alternatives.

In fact, Neely’s defining quality through these many years has been her startling proficiency at making sure things don’t get done.

But hasn’t she heard?

Just saying no is so 1980s.

Where would Jesus shop?

Happy Jesus Home Depot

"A Home Depot in Eureka? Now that's worth coming back for."

“You tend to feed the one that pays you.”

cregslistFile that one under quote of the day.

This refreshingly candid remark was made by a spokesman for the anti-development Citizens for Real Economic Growth, which paid a San Francisco college professor $2,500 to feed Eureka residents pages of apocalyptic misrepresentations about the Marina Center proposal.

Turns out the prof has a history of opposing Home Depots, so CREG knew well in advance what it was buying.

CBRE, the consulting firm hired by Security National, reached very different conclusions, which were double-checked by independent consultants hired by the city of Eureka. And, the Times-Standard reports, the city’s consultants “largely came to the same conclusions” as CBRE.

So why haven’t the suppositions of the hand-picked tool from CREG’s list been verified or even reviewed? Maybe Glass, Miller, Salzman and Ogden have to pony up more cash if they want a second helping of that shit.

Updated: What’s wrong with this picture?

In the event that purchasing candidates and apocryphal environmental reports isn’t enough to tank a potential competitor’s development proposal–fret not, prog friends! Bill Pierson has a few more tricks up his oversized Hawaiian-shirt sleeves.

Consider, for example, his relationship with Peter Douglas, pictured below left with Pierson on Thursday at Hurricane Kate’s in Old Town. Douglas, of course, is the executive director of the California Coastal Commission, which is the agency ultimately responsible for evaluating the Marina Center project.

Bon appetit!!

"Peter, what say we have some dessert and big sloppy laugh about how we're going to screw Rob Arkley?"

"Say, Peter, let's have ourselves some dessert and a fat, sloppy laugh about how we're going to screw Rob Arkley--I mean protect the environment."

UPDATE: Greg Pierson confirms that neither he nor his father, Hank, is involved in any of his brother Bill’s dealings. In fact, he said, “Those who take the time to find facts would know that Hank and I tend to contribute to candidates that run against those supported by Bill. It is funny how a family can be so politically diverse.”

His complete comments are here and here. Thanks for the clarity, friend!!

Local man wins much-needed home makeover

HurleyHomeMakeverBefore-After_2

Oh that's way better. Now if you could just scrub some of the gross off that piano and promise to never ever try to sing again.

Local blogger-turned-newscaster Ryan Hurley is making headlines again–this time for submitting the winning video entry in a nationwide search for the ugliest home decor.

His prize? A complete home makeover, courtesy of Home Depot.

Designer and contest judge Ernesto Fabri said Hurley’s submission was in a class all its own.

“Rarely does one see a room so lacking in style,” Fabri said. “It doesn’t even know what it is. It seems to ask, ‘Am I a living room? a hallway? a bathroom? a foyer?’ I mean, give us a hint, per favore, so we know whether to shit or wipe our feet.”

Fabri added, “And ugly–buon dio! When Ty Pennington saw it, he had a good cry and then hanged himself with an exquisite damask drapery. To the end his taste was impeccable.”

Hurley’s interior design was so uninviting that Eureka City Councilman Larry Glass drafted an ordinance that would force him to remove the inspirational wall hangings and update his color palette.

But competition in the contest was considerable. Hurley barely edged out fake homeless guy Arcata activist Tad Robinson and Eureka slumlord property manager Floyd Squiers.

“I’m the luckiest man alive,” Hurley said. “Not only did I win all this tits new furniture, I still have that dead-end job with the city and a video blog absolutely no one watches. It’s like one big dream come true.”

Lowe’s and Santa Rosa: Evidently not building something together

Thank God this gorgeous piece of property won't be wasted on a hardware store.

Thank God this gorgeous piece of property won't be ruined by a crappy hardware store.

Humboldt County’s chances of becoming the next Santa Rosa got a little better yesterday when the city council there voted to block the construction of a national hardware store on an abandoned piece of property not far from a Costco.

Among local business leaders arguing that the new store would “harm the community” was a hardware store owner named Bill whose business bears his family name.

Sound familiar?

In this case, though, the chain retailer is Lowe’s instead of Home Depot, and the local hardware store is called Friedman’s, not Pierson’s.

The story didn’t mention whether Bill Friedman bankrolled the campaigns of the council members who voted against the project.

Because despite the hyperbole from our local “progressives,” Santa Rosa and Humboldt will never be that much alike unless our friends to the south learn to bring that kind of stink to the game.

Photo credit: John Burgess, the Press Democrat
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