Eight former Eureka mayors and councilmembers kick Linda Atkins’ ass

Once in a while, Times-Standard employees put something absolutely riveting in the pages of their newspaper.

Almost never did they write it themselves.

Today’s example of both is a guest opinion piece submitted by former city of Eureka representatives Mike Jones, Jeff Leonard, Virginia Bass, Mary Beth Wolford, Polly Endert, Cherie Arkley, Connie Miller and Nancy Flemming, who call out current Councilwoman Linda Atkins for some of her more colorful contributions to local mythology.

One of our faves:

In a recent North Coast Journal article, Councilwoman Atkins also blamed the city manager for turnover in city department heads. We know many of these department heads personally, so we did something the writer of the NCJ story did not. We called four former city employees and asked why they left. Not one of them said it was because of Tyson. These four did however allude to a former city councilmember who created havoc within the city by acting as if he was dictator — not one of five elected city councilmembers. Misstating the truth is not high on the list of political qualities that voters admire.

Gosh! Now who might that have been?

Read the letter in its entirety here.

How do you figure?

Am I the only one who wonders what was happening in the moments immediately preceding "Hey I know! Let's Google it!"?

WordPress comes equipped with all sorts of helpful information as part of its blog hosting service. We especially like the list of search terms it provides that show which words and phrases people typed into their computer to land at the Humboldt Mirror. Really? Light testicle spanking?

Cleary finds a use for some of that money coming out his ass

How do we know this shit? Fucking Zoltar told us, okay? Give him your treasure. He has much wisdom and all that crap. But check out Cleary's next round of FPPC expenditure forms. You'll wonder why he didn't retain Zoltar instead.

One of the great things about small-town politics is the absence of high-powered, high-priced campaign management firms. Candidates pretty much across the board rely on local talent–up-and-comers or has-beens who typically bring more energy than expertise to the race.

But that’s all part of the fun. Neely had Vogel, and Clendenen used that ass-hat Bill Thorington (or vice versa). Gallegos hired Pete Nichols’ hot ex-wife. Hagen’s got Brinton lined up for the district attorney race. Bass and Owen are rocking that husband-wife thing, and Leonard’s attempt also appears to be a family affair.

So why, then, would Patrick Cleary, the carpetbagging rich guy running for the supervisorial seat to be vacated by Jill Duffy, feel the need to hire a professional political consulting, lobbying and campaign management firm from Sacramento?

A firm that has represented Lieutenant Governor John Garamendi?

And Assemblymembers Noreen Evans and Mark Leno?

Duffy&Capitolo [weird, but no relation] is a political campaign management and media firm. Our creative strategies and powerful advertising win elections and move public opinion. We are proud to work with Democratic candidates, progressive coalitions and public safety organizations. Our services include:

  • Production of direct mail, television and radio advertising
  • Message development, media relations and speechwriting
  • Voter targeting and campaign plan development
  • Endorsement strategy and coalition building
  • Management of fundraising and campaign finance specialists
  • Coordination and analysis of polling, focus groups and opposition research
  • Supervision of field staff and Get Out The Vote (GOTV) effort

Oh well. So much for that whole grassroots thing.

Mayor Bass makes it official today

For Immediate Press Release:

Please join Eureka Mayor Virginia Bass for a press conference.

Virginia will be announcing her candidacy for Humboldt County 4th District Supervisor on the County Courthouse steps (5th and I Streets) this Thursday, December 17th at 12:00 noon.

Virginia was twice elected to Eureka City Council before she was elected as Eureka Mayor.

Her father OH Bass previously served as Humboldt County 4th District County Supervisor and Virginia would like to continue her family’s legacy as a public servant to our community.

Virginia previously managed her family’s business, OH’s Townhouse, and has participated in many local charitable fundraising events such as the American Cancer Society’s “Relay for Life” and is the past President of the Henderson Center Kiwanis Club.

For further information, please email Virginia Bass at Bass4Supervisor@gmail.com.

And it looks like that state appointment hasn’t come through yet for the Bon Bon.  Neely also said Wednesday that she would announce her candidacy at a later date. Virginia’s camp decided not to wait. An alternate version of the Bass news release stated:

Our current Fourth District Supervisor has been in office almost a quarter of a century.  It’s time for a change and a fresh perspective of Humboldt County.

Not bad for a warm-up round. If we were running Virginia’s campaign, though, we’d definitely focus on her huge hotness advantage. But pointing out that Neely was first elected Supervisor during the fucking Reagan Administration also does the trick.

Good luck Jeff and Virginia!

The plot thickens

Subject: Please join Eureka Mayor Virginia Bass for a press conference this Thursday, December 17th, at 12:00 noon.

Please join Eureka Mayor Virginia Bass for a press conference.

Virginia will be announcing her candidacy for Humboldt County 4th District Supervisor on the County Courthouse steps (5th and I Streets) this Thursday, Dec. 17th, at 12:00 noon.

No surprise to anyone, really, so we have just a few thoughts on this.

One, Virginia, this time please hire a campaign manager who doesn’t make people want to puncture their own eardrums with an ice pick just so they don’t have to listen to him talk anymore. Please.

Two, keep in mind you could run as an incumbent for mayor, a position we would hate to see go to a marijuana dispensary manager from Arcata.

Three, if you and Jeff Leonard split the moderate vote and we end up with the fucking Bon Bon again or the prog queen Socio-Belcrap, we will not be happy. At all. Although “we” in this context admittedly means everyone but the Graphics Department, which inexplicably thinks Kaitlin is hot, in no small part because her clothes, like the Grinch’s heart, are two sizes too small, but still not as hot as Virginia.

Finally, when you have announcements to make, consider sending them directly to us so we don’t have to get the news secondhand, like those awkward STD notifications from the Health Department. A’ight?

Otherwise, hugs!!

City councilman takes on Town Dandy

Hanky Spanky

Hanky Spanky

Hank Sims, one of the north coast’s premier wordsmiths, got his ass verbally handed to him Thursday by Eureka City Councilman Jeff Leonard, a man not universally known for his powers of expression.

Better still, the little Jeffster needed fewer than 200 words to dismantle Hank’s long-winded lamentation about how “it’s something close to insane” to think a majority of city councilmembers might share informed views of the Marina Center’s Environmental Impact Report within a couple of weeks, instead of dragging this shindig out until, say, Jesus comes back.

Hank went so far as to warn the city that it “may live to regret” not allowing a month or more to study all of the “pages and pages of detailed legal and scientific analysis” prepared by all of those numerous agencies.

Why the melodramatic flourishes? Because, Hank argued, the development project is almost certain to end up in court, and the city better be sure enough of its position to justify shelling out major coin to defend it.

The threat of litigation aside–the Town Dandy urbanely observed that the council’s “great haste in this matter has an odd smell.”

Oh snap, right? Hank straight pwned those smelly Marina Center yes-men, didn’t he??

You decide.

Jeff replied:

Hank – Here are a few clarifications regarding the process to help address your concerns:

The Draft EIR was published November 2008. 179 written comments were received, including comments from 17 different agencies. 850 pages of total comments.

The comment period closed January, 2009. The City and the consultants paid to develop the EIR have been weighing the objections and responding to the comments for the past 10 months.

The Final EIR includes a 22 page Errata section. This section reviews all of the changes made to the Draft EIR as a result of the comments received.

Any lawsuits filed over the EIR or the project will be the responsibility of project applicant – not the City of Eureka. Standard practice for California cities in today’s litigious society is to require legal indemnification at the start of the project.

Our next meeting on October 20th will kickoff public comment on the Final EIR. There is no action item on the Agenda.

Hope that info helps provide some extra clarity – see you on the 20th!

Photo swiped from here.

Eurekans to build playground as tribute to Orange Devil

Eureka residents are scheduled to gather at Hammond Park later this month to construct a monument in homage to Satan and Home Depot, who are working together to bring the evils of employment, affordable building supplies and children’s swing sets to the North Coast.

“The project will look an awful lot like a playground,” said Eureka City Councilman Jeff Leonard, who is blamed for the city’s receipt of a $50,000 grant from a shadowy nonprofit called KaBOOM! that will fund replacement of dilapidated play equipment at the 14th and E streets park.

“But don’t be fooled,” Leonard added. “In reality, it will be used as a pagan youth training ground where our kids can learn to conjure the demons of capitalism from the deepest bowels of hell.”

KaBOOM! is funded in part by Home Depot, the malevolent orange big-box that hopes to open a storefront as part of the controversial Marina Center development project slated for a tract of property that transients, stray cats and other endangered species currently call home.

But the retailing giant’s public relations problems don’t stop there. Home Depot actually advertises the fact that it irresponsibly purchases almost all of its wood from North American forests instead of supporting continued deforestation in vulnerable and largely unregulated Third World ecosystems.

KaBOOM!, Home Depot and other donors also conspired to spend more than $10 million gratuitously rebuilding an entire Mississippi town and 100 children’s playgrounds that were destroyed by Hurricane Katrina.

“I gave five bucks to some Girl Scouts who were raising money for Katrina victims,” said virtuous environmentalist Mark Lovelace, who opposes the project and is running for a seat on the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors, “and that contribution came straight from the heart. But county residents are right to be suspicious of people and organizations that solve problems on a large scale rather than making token gestures and then complaining for decades afterward when nothing changes.”

His chief criticism of the Hammond Park playground project is that the process has been “too efficient,” he said.

“Where are the endless meetings the far left uses to showcase its public speaking skills and dramatically misrepresent the issues? Where are the environmental impact reports? Where are the CEQA studies, the public comment sessions? Neither Ken Miller nor myself were even consulted about this project. Can you believe that?”

The process, according to Lovelace, has been “downright undemocratic. Jeff starts flapping his lip in December about some playground bullshit for children, and by the end of March they’re building the thing? It’s too much too fast. We should have spent more time arguing about the process instead of actually getting something done.”

Leonard said the “playground” will include play equipment for children, a mural of Cesar Chavez and an altar for ritual human sacrifice.

Residents interested in supporting this unholy public-private alliance are invited to a community workday at Hammond Park on Saturday, March 29, to help landscape the park and assemble the new equipment.

For additional information or to volunteer your time, phone Meredith VandenBranden at 707-269-2019.

Related posts: Lovelace mulls run against equally distasteful rival
North Coast residents celebrate jobless jump

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 54 other followers