Linda Atkins’ sparkling personality continues to light our path

Pretty in Pink (photo credit: The Eureka Times-Standard)

Pretty in Pink (photo credit: The Eureka Times-Standard)

Aah, Linda Atkins, gracious even in victory. Humboldt County’s most unlikable politician demonstrates yet again why a man no one ever heard of before came within 300 votes of unseating her miserable ass.

According to the Times-Standard, while being sworn in Tuesday for her second term, Atkins said she was glad the “hideous campaign” was over. She followed this up with some equivalently tone-deaf remarks about the superiority of her campaign.

She apparently didn’t say anything about her former opponent’s nefariously round signs, but we’re sure that continues to stick in her throat, along with all of the expressions of human warmth and decency she can’t bring herself to utter.

WHOOPS: Bugs misread election results, not that it matters…

Evidently when reading election results, one should read the entire line, not just one part. For a few minutes there, we thought and reported that Joe Bonino was up by 50, when as one anonymous noted, he’s actually down by 208 as the Times-Standard reported last night.

That whole contest, though, kind of left me scratching my head. Why does it matter? Key votes will continue to be 4-1, whereas if Bonino had won they would instead be 5-0. I believe the term for this is functional equivalency.

That said, is the race over? Are all the votes counted? Even if there was a sack of uncounted votes somewhere, it seems like a deficiency of 208 would be a hard corner to turn.

Anyway. Maybe Linda Atkins’ “She’s Disagreeable” platform resonated with voters after all.

Bugs thrilled to learn they’re in the economic elite

Yay us!!

The things you learn in the Times-Standard these days. According to a letter to the editor today from Pam Service, we’re effing rich! Check this out.

Pam says:

  • People voting for someone other than Linda Atkins are “moneyed.” This is terrific news! We thought we were kind of middle class, what with the blue-collar jobs and just squeaking by. But obviously that’s about to change. Does anyone know when we’ll get our checks?
  • Candidates able to quickly muster support are “questionable.” I’ll say. Remember how long it took for anyone to give a shit about Atkins? She must be the real deal.
  • Anyone who wants to vote for a candidate other than Linda Atkins is a power-crazed control freak who is subverting the democratic process. I know, right? The obvious solution is for no one to run against Atkins, so that through the absence of a democratic process Democracy itself can be saved.

Get with it, Eureka! Keep Democracy alive by stopping people from voting for candidates they support.

Thank you.

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