George Clark: Still kind of a dumbfuck

In yesterday’s Times-Standard, failed city council candidate George Clark articulates some of the genius that sent his campaign straight down the ol’ crapper last fall. A few highlights: If 75 percent of residents cannot afford home ownership, give them no jobs. That will help. If the Balloon Track is “essential for growth that actually begins [...]

Dare to dream, Eureka!!

Brace yourselves, Eurekans, because word from the prog pond is that a certain former city councilman is planning to do us the great favor of running for mayor of our fair city. Yippee kai yay and shit, yes? Because when we look at the challenges facing Eureka, the first thought that springs to mind is, [...]

“You tend to feed the one that pays you.”

File that one under quote of the day. This refreshingly candid remark was made by a spokesman for the anti-development Citizens for Real Economic Growth, which paid a San Francisco college professor $2,500 to feed Eureka residents pages of apocalyptic misrepresentations about the Marina Center proposal. Turns out the prof has a history of opposing [...]

Many thanks from Ken Miller

Dear Miss Manners, Earlier this month, a group of local politicians voted to expend a significant amount of public funds to save my million-dollar home, which as I write remains neatly perched on a bluff overlooking the Pacific Ocean and will likely not, thanks to their efforts, slide into the same. On Tuesday they will [...]

Gallegos issues ruling on cause of Christ’s death

Just in time for the Easter holidays, Humboldt County District Attorney Paul Gallegos announced Friday his long-awaited decision to file a string of charges against the Golgotha police officers accused of killing Jesus Christ more than 2,000 years ago today. Christ, 33, a former carpenter and resident of Galilee, was beaten, paraded through town and [...]

Ken Miller calls for wipees, fresh underpants, as completely normal guy enters Third District race

Far-left string-puller and perennial sore loser Ken Miller deposited a massive load of stink in his chinos Wednesday upon learning that mainstream Democrat Bryan Plumley would challenge enviro-fascist Mark Lovelace for the Third District seat on the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors. “All of Mark’s supporters should be shit-their-pants scared of Plumley,” said MIller, who [...]

Hey Ken: You know that thing you got handed? Look! It’s your ass!

We haven’t had this much fun with a Times-Standard “My Word” piece since our favorite surfing district attorney signed his name to a column he straight stole from a South Carolina law professor. Fond memories to be sure, although it should be noted that we at the Humboldt Mirror do not condone plagiarism—except possibly when [...]