Kirk Girard’s GPU Monkeyfuck dies with a wimper

What? General Plan shocker!! Who saw this coming?

Other than everyone, of course.

We saw it coming, and we’re not even smart.

Anyone who thought this board was going to blithely accept the Kirk Girard General Plan Update needs to be issued an encephalitic helmet so he or she can walk down that hall without further injury to the brain. Elections have consequences. The progs flogged the dog on the GPU for more than a dozen years in a process that was, most of the time, laughably fucked, and now they’ve lost control of the process. This is commonly referred to as the will of the voters, the way of the world. Sometimes one side wins, sometimes another. And anyone who can’t hack that basic political fact should go back to working for Ken Miller. He’s always just about one idiot shy of a quorum, and it looks like in this case there are two up for grabs.

Some rain, mostly Mark Lovelace contain Trinity’s Flat Fire

Third District Supervisor Mark Lovelace announced Tuesday that the low pressure system that moved across Northern California that dropped nearly 1 inch of rain contributed somewhat to his efforts to get the upper hand on the Flat Fire in Trinity County.

The wildfire burned 1,688 acres and interrupted east-west traffic on U.S. Highway 299.

As of the Board of Supervisors’ meeting start Tuesday the fire was approximately 80 percent contained, according to the Times-Standard.

The Flat Fire was sparked last Wednesday and its cause is still under investigation. Lovelace believes it is most likely the result of severely unregulated development in Timber Production Zone lands.
In related news, Lovelace also helped the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office bomb squad recover and destroy a 60-year-old 155mm artillery shell found on Eureka’s waterfront yesterday. Lovelace, who recently handily defeated challenger Karen Brooks in the far-left leaning Third District’s June primary, said he will remain vigilant to respond to and vanquish any emergencies in any jurisdiction during his term in office.

Lovelace’s GPU assessment just doesn’t measure up

Warning: Objects in The Mirror may appear larger than they actually are.

Third District Supervisor Marky Mark Lovelace was in damage control mode in a recent T-S article and quoted trying to diminish the most recent bungle discovered in the General Plan Update process.

The massive decade-long debacle overseen by the now departed Planning Director Kirk Girard has been mired in delays, controversy, more delays, staff infighting, yet more delays, and a shocking amount of wasted time by the county’s planning commissioners who have been stuck with sorting out the mess before it goes to the Board of Supervisors for approval.

And now community concerns over a paragraph linking unplanned pregnancies to global warming that was cut and pasted into the GPU’s environmental supporting document are “overblown,” according to Lovelace.

He also noted that it’s not surprising there would be “typos” because the EIR’s appendices were 10-inches thick. We’re left seriously doubting whether Mark even knows what 10 inches looks like.

Here he comth to thave the day!

Yay it’s Mighty Mouth! He’s taking credit for a Klamath dam agreement he tried to undermine and for practically growing every last tree in the Community Forest so many people worked to create. Whatever the problem, Third District, not to worry. He’s already solved it. Just ask him.

A whale tangled in a net? Look out, Moby Dick. I created whales.

Errant priorities leave Arcata area with two supervisors, Fortuna with none

Danger, danger. My campaign is tanking.

With an impending election just around the corner, it’s painfully clear that incumbent 2nd District Supervisor Clif Clendenen’s fundraising for his re-election campaign hasn’t yet taken off with any sort of urgency. A recent Times-Standard article reveals Fortuna’s cider king has spanged a little more than $13,000 during the most recent fundraising disclosure filing period. His challenger Estelle Fennell has raked in more than triple that with $47,000. That doesn’t bode well for the Clifster.

It’s also worth noting that Clendenen’s lack of any competitive monetary support this election go around from his 2nd District voters may very well be linked to his unfortunate choice to focus on issues important to fellow 3rd District Supervisor Mark Lovelace.

While steadfastly honoring his campaign pledge to maintain a pulse during his tenure in office since his election in 2008, it’s unclear what exactly Clif has done in the past 3 years for his own district.

Looking at today’s board agenda, Clif seemed incapable of mustering a single special presentation to steal valuable mic time from his fellow supervisors to let voters know there’s anything he cares about. Or pretends to care about. Fourth District Supervisor Virginia Bass was able to give the nod to “Library Week,” proclaim April as “Sexual Assault Awareness Month,” and even teamed with 1st District Jimmy Smith to recognize April as “National County Government Month.”

Perhaps signaling an end of his political value to Lovelace, Clif couldn’t even bandwagon his way onto Mark’s special  presentation recognizing April as “Grange Month.” Unfortunately for Clendenen there won’t be a runoff in November, so he wont be able to take full advantage of National Apple Month in October.

Brace yourself Hollywood for the next Box Office Brash

Rated "R" for Redundant as Fuck.

HumCo Mile-High Club Kicks Off

Unlike his Bronco's ball-juggling Heisman-Trophy-winning buddy, Mark Lovelace never met a sack he didn't like.

Conditions prime for bullshit on the North Coast

Imperial Douche Lovelace plots overthrow of Humboldt Mirror

From the “When Journalism Actually Grows a Pair Department…”

Lovelace disappointed his Board won’t do his bidding

A quick note on grammar, if we may.

The Lost Coast Outpost reports that District 3 Supervisor Mark Lovelace took to his Facebook page last week to castigate his fellow board members for not voting the way he wants on the controversial multifamily rezoning plan. But Lovelace did so in an odd way–using a grammatical variant of the genitive case to indicate ownership or possession of his fellow supervisors [emphasis ours]:

My Board needs to stop blaming staff for the difficult decision that’s before us. Staff has done everything we’ve asked of them and answered every question. Now we need to make a decision based on the information in front of us and recognize that we own the consequences of that decision. This is what we were elected to do. It’s time for my Board to do its job.

If it really was his Board, as he has said now with nauseating repetition, one might think he’d have no reason to go cry-babying all over the Internets because his fellow supervisors decline to do what he says. Yes, we understand that Lovelace is the current chair of the board, a revolving position that moves to a different district each year. That hardly qualifies him to claim ownership of four other people who were elected the same way he was to represent the voters in their districts.

So FYI, Mark. This is not your Board.

It’s ours.

And we think each supervisor’s vote should reflect the will of his or her constituents, not the dictates of a midget with a God complex.

How did we miss this?

Bill Ayers made a return trip Friday to Northtown Books in Arcata, the same spot a photo was previously taken showing District 3 Supervisor basically melt into a puddle of googly-eyed adoration while shaking the former terrorist’s hand. Was the bromance rekindled last week?

Crap photo by Kevin Hoover. The floating pink hearts are all ours.

BREAKING: Lovelace, Girard do their jobs

This headline comes straight from the Will Wonders Never Cease Department:

Lovelace, county help Cypress Grove find new dairy site

That the headline isn’t exactly true diminishes our amazement but little. According to the Times-Standard article, District 3 Supervisor Mark Lovelace and Community Disservices Development Director Kirk Girard are helping Cypress Grove look for a new dairy site. Hopefully their uncharacteristic public support of business will persist all the way through to the finding stage of this endeavor. Fingers crossed!

Also from the Times-Standard is a story yesterday about beginning the search for a new EPD chief. Curiously, even inexplicably, our favorite local daily chose to illustrate the article with a photo of former EPD chief Garr Nielsen.

What, exactly, might that be about? Were they trying to depict the last person on earth who might get hired for the job? Or does someone need to break out the Andrea Bocelli cassettes and tell poor, sad Mr. Greenson over there that it is, in fact, time to say goodbye?

Tan triste, amigos!!

Happy Bastille Day!

Please join us as we celebrate this important day commemorating the day the French did, you know. Something.

Mark Lovelace: Goat-hater or chicken-shit?

What's Mark Lovelace's position on local business growth? Cowering, it appears.

For those who don’t mind to an occasional dose of common sense, Arcata Eye Editor Kevin Hoover’s recent goat farm requiem deserves a read.

One of the more interesting questions it raises pertains to the role Mark Lovelace played–or didn’t play–in the whole Cypress Grove debacle. What is clear is that the District 3 Supervisor brought nothing to the episode that resembled leadership.

As Hoover puts it,

Supervisor Mark Lovelace visited the Gilardoni property and was researching goat waste issues. Yet, for weeks, little was done to allay the concerned neighbors’ worst fears, real or imagined, of their lives and property being ruined. It seems they were on their own, with the loudest, least reasonable voices holding sway.

Even the county process through which the project might have been approved or denied remained murky and in dispute. Why was this fundamental question so shrouded in mystery? A county supervisor interested in open government could and should have made some calls and cleared that basic issue up for his fearful constituents right away.

If we could turn back time, one has to believe that our elected representatives would play a more constructive role in shepherding a possible $3 million agriculture project through an orderly process.

But maybe not. They haven’t done any salvage work for us in the month since the project’s withdrawal.

Neither our mayor or supervisor has asked [Cypress Grove Chevre] to reconsider the cancelation. Basically they’ve offered perfunctory words of support (“hopeful,” “sincere wishes”) and offered to take the company’s phone calls. Impressive.

Impressive indeed.

Read the whole editorial here.

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