Hoover does Hauser

Yoda Hoover

Yoda Hoover: Blind we are if creation of this clone army we could not see.

Arcata Eye Editor Kevin Hoover says he’s supporting Mike Wilson for Harbor District commissioner, but his explanation includes an informed and interesting riff on both opponent Dan Hauser and the inconstancy of political memory.

Hoover writes,

The local “progressive” contingent has not let this election slip by without again acting like the worst sort of Atwater Republicans. One labeled Hauser a “minion” of his backers. Right – he got his way opposing those people when they were dominant and it was really, really hard. For his final act he’s going to kow-tow to these people? Apparently it isn’t possible that he just holds a different vision. There just has to be something corrupt about anyone who strays from the doctrine.

Someday a shiny new politician will come along who’s even eco-groovier than Mike Wilson. Look out, Mike – when that happens, the current crop of microbrew-swilling party-time enviro-buddies you think are your friends right now will turn on you with blinding speed, making you out as a “minion” and worse.

Case in point: with the usual courageous and highly principled anonymity, the Humboldt Herald’s “Heraldo” mocked the “greenwashing” of Hauser. Here’s a man without whom the freeway from Eureka to Arcata would now be lined with a run-down motel, shopping center, apartment blocks and mobile home park, while our sewage would be processed by a giant, stupid, energy-sucking treatment plant in Manila, with pipelines full of poop running all over the landscape. Stewart Park would be a common-wall subdivision, and Sunny Brae would have all kinds of costly drainage, erosion and other infrastructure problems from the cheesy subdivision the Strombergs wanted to build up in the Grotzman Creek watershed. And then there’s that little old thing called the Marsh and Wildlife Sanctuary.

Dan has done more in his life for the environment than any 50 of us could ever hope to accomplish, and yet an Internet doofus who doesn’t know anything about ATOPAK or much else because she forgoes original research in favor of regurgitating received opinion, marginalizes him as an environmental non-achiever in need of “greenwashing.” Only in blogland.

Thanks to Fred Mangels (the undisputed king of Humboldt blogdom) for providing the link to Hoover’s complete report.

A prog with a sense of humor?? Maybe monkeys really will fly out of our butts.

Hello HM,

If it is ok with your graphics and legal departments I would [like] to request a higher resolution image from your blog for the “scrapbook”. Very funny. I have to admit, Sasha Cohen has a better (but hairier) body than I do. Might even have to use this for thank you cards. I would of course credit Humboldt Mirror for the “art”.

Thanks for the laughs,

Mike Wilson

Mike Wilson: Trailblazer

I want port development not.

No, the Graphics Department is not going to pay for your therapy.

He may not be much for making money, but he sure knows how to spend it.

Third Division Harbor Commissioner Mike Wilson tells us that if he’s re-elected he wants to create  a vast array of water- and land-based trails for hikers, water skiers, kayakers, canoers,  paragliders,  biodiesel-powered jetskis, synchronized swimmers, etc.

He hasn’t said how he plans to pay for any of this out of the Harbor District’s upside-down budget, but not to worry. Wilson told the Times-Standard that trails have an economic component too: Businesses use amenities like these to attract a high-quality workforce.

It’s genius!! So instead of creating new jobs to replace the ones he and his far-left buddies have chased away, he’s going to help the few businesses still here recruit employees from places outside of Humboldt County.

Thanks, Mike! That’s just what we need.

Ken Miller calls for wipees, fresh underpants, as completely normal guy enters Third District race

Far-left string-puller and perennial sore loser Ken Miller deposited a massive load of stink in his chinos Wednesday upon learning that mainstream Democrat Bryan Plumley would challenge enviro-fascist Mark Lovelace for the Third District seat on the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors.

“All of Mark’s supporters should be shit-their-pants scared of Plumley,” said MIller, who characterized the late entrant into the race as “a guy we’re going to have a hard time smearing, pardon the pun.”

“He’s like human Olestra,” Miller said. “He’s from Arcata, he’s a Democrat, he’s worked for years to create jobs in the county, he actually makes sense, and he hasn’t already alienated half the voter-base. If that doesn’t cause a little fecal urgency among his competitors, I don’t know what will.”

As of Wednesday afternoon, six candidates had filed the requisite paperwork to run for the post that was put up for grabs when John Woolley decided to step down at the end of his current term.

Candidates included Plumley, Lovelace, landscaper and former Arcata City Councilman Paul Pitino, former Sacramento politico Christopher Lehman, Harbor Commissioner Mike Wilson, and carpenter and Humboldt Coalition for Property Rights rep Lee Ulansey.

But by Wednesday night, after Miller rolled the major deuce in his drawers, the field had unexpectedly narrowed to three.

Ulansey withdrew to throw his support behind Plumley, while Wilson and Lehman dropped out for reasons unknown.

Only Plumley, Pitino and Lovelace remained.

Plumley, 40, an Arcata business leader, told North Coast Journal Editor Hank Sims that he had no particular agenda but was interested in “economic development” and “competent management,” both of which Lovelace opposes.

Miller said he plans to sue Plumley’s campaign for the cost of having his slacks cleaned replaced, plus a few hundred thou for the emotional distress and lingering stench the nearly foot-long stink-pickle left behind.

Lovelace mulls run against equally distasteful rival

Mark Lovelace confirmed Thursday that he is considering tossing his oversized hat into the ring in a Third District supervisor race that could pit the unpopular Humboldt Watershed Council President for Life against Harbor Commissioner and fellow far-left egomaniac Mike Wilson.

“I think when Supervisor (John) Woolley announced he was stepping down at the end of his term, few district residents imagined someone even more polarizing and repugnant might end up filling that seat,” Lovelace said Saturday morning in an interview with the Humboldt Mirror.

“But John was disliked on an issue-by-issue basis, whereas I plan to elevate arrogant intractability to a comprehensive, even holistic level,” he said.

“For example, my inability to work well with others at the Healthy Humboldt Coalition is directly related to my inability to work well with others on watershed issues, which in turn is related to my inability to work well with others on the important social justice challenges facing our county,” Lovelace explained.

“It’s all connected, so for me it comes down to deciding where I can be the most effective. And maybe that place is in therapy, where I can work out some of my control issues and attempt, finally, to cultivate a few basic interpersonal skills.”

But should he decide to run, Lovelace said, he believes he would have an edge over Wilson.

“I think the advantage I have in this race is that Mike is almost as much of a bone as I am, and that’s a message likely to resonate with Third District voters.”

Candidates have until March 8th to file papers declaring their candidacy.

Related post: North Coast residents celebrate jobless jump

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