Gallegos looks to use redistricting discussions to lock re-election prospects

Humboldt County Supervisors won’t be able to avoid wildly whacking the virtual political hornets’ nest Tuesday when they begin discussions on adjusting the supervisorial district boundaries as part of California Elections Code laws following the most recent census tally.

Don't hate me because I am beautiful. Please do cut me some slack on my fundamental lack of knowledge of the law, dismal management and leadership capabilities and breathtakingly giant lapses of morality.

The board is expected to appoint Sheriff Mike Downey, District Attorney Paul Gallegos, Assessor Mari Wilson and Registrar of Voters Carolyn Crnich to the newest committee to mull over ideas,  listen to outspoken members of the SoHum and NoHum public and bring a plan back to the board for a vote.

The supervisors have until November 1 to make the changes that reflect the county’s population growth, which has increased the most in Supervisor Ryan Sundberg’s 5th and Clif Clendenon’s 2nd districts.

As of now Community Development Diservices Director Kirk Girard isn’t directly involved and the Nov. 1 deadline looks easily doable.

As part of the redistricting discussions, insiders say Gallegos will use his position to try and float a plan to sell or cede all county lands to neighboring  Del Norte, Trinity and Mendocino counties except for Garberville, Redway, Arcata and a few pockets of houses in Eureka.

According to his braintrust Natalynne DeLapp and Richard Salzman, the plan would virtually assure Gallegos’ re-election for as long as very small-, small-, medium-, mediumish large-, large-, very large-,  massively large-, and off-the-fucking-hook-EPIC-scale marijuana production remains illegal.

Community Development has done plenty of communicating about the General Plan Update, thank you, which is why they now have to do a shit-ton more of it

This is the image that greeted web viewers more than an hour before the GPU meeting actually ended.

After months of attributing concerns about inadequate communication regarding the county’s General Plan Update to “special interest groups” spreading “misinformation,” Both Kirk Girard and his snarky senior planner Martha Spencer admitted today that they had failed to incorporate or even solicit input from key stakeholders.

The admissions were made near the start of a six-hour meeting that reportedly ended with a unanimous decision to defer discussion about pausing the GPU process or creating an advisory group that would keep the planning process focused on the will of the people, rather than the will of the Planning Commission.

Community Development Disservices staff were, however, instructed to solicit the input of local cities, Community Services Districts and tribes–something that 12 years into the process Girard’s staff never bothered to do.

A few observations along the way, if we may.

  • If you’re going to hold a meeting to defend against allegations of shoddy communication, your argument is not helped when the speakers for the overflow crowd in the courthouse lobby don’t work, the computer stream cuts out before the end of public comment, and the TV feed goes dead in the middle of boardmember deliberations. Just FYI.
  • When Arcata City Councilboy Shane Brinton stands up and calls those who care about our local economy an “unholy alliance” of “greedy people,” we’re reminded that he is, after all, 12 years old, which is why his was far and away the most arrogant and immature voice in the room. We expect he’ll cultivate a more nuanced grasp of economic issues once his mom cuts off his allowance.
  • Natalynn DeLapp, if you’re going to sit behind the podium, all of your whispering, texting and giggling like a drunken sorority girl end up on TV, and your reputation as irrelevant political eye-candy remains firmly intact. As much as we normally enjoy ogling your rack, even we were relieved when you left, probably to get your nails done.
  • Spoiler alert: Scott Greacen threatened litigation. With a straight face and everything. We’re shocked!!
  • For Community Development Disservices Director Kirk Girard, a quick clarification: Having to make changes to work your staff has already done is not a downside of soliciting additional community input. It’s not an unfortunate side-effect. It’s the fucking point. That’s just something to keep in mind going forward.

And because we hate all the grim, let’s go out with a laugh. You know how we love a laugh. This one’s easy: Just Google “Kirk Girard.” Please. For us. It’s the awesomest thing we’ve seen all day.

Hugs!

Paul Gallegos finds new cliff to throw his political career off of

Gallegos switches to a professional management team for his 2014 campaign.

After several famous missteps, our district attorney’s handlers have lit upon one way to keep Paul Gallegos from plaigiarizing: They do all the writing themselves.

It works something like this. First, local gadfly and famously crazy person Elizabeth Conner suggests a “VERY ROUGH OUTLINE, PLEASE EDIT AND REFINE,” and then knocks out a basic thank-you letter to volunteers, supporters and staff:

Although the final election results are not yet known for certain, I want to thank all my campaign volunteers, supporters and staff for their hard work and belief in the concept that everyone is equal before the law and that both the accused and accusers have rights.

Because conceivably there are people out there who don’t believe in these things. Conner gets a little hung up when trying to put into words exactly why people supported Paul:

Most of all, thank you to those who voted for me and expressed your confidence in me and our team [OR A VALUE].

A value like love or puppies or good fashion sense, perhaps.

But let’s not fret over details, because as Richard Salzman notes when he sends the draft to Gallegos:

Remember that this is just the BEFORE, final results letter and that Evenson is going to work with you on a Guest Editorial / My Word, to follow the final results.  But getting this out now will make it easier for me to raise money.

So the county’s most prominent attorney will have someone on hand to help with the big words then as well.

It looks like Team Gags thought of everything. What could possibly go wrong?

Enter Michele Shoshani, Paul’s secretary at the District Attorney’s Office.

Because while this tax-funded county employee was distributing a campaign letter to local media from work, during work hours, using work equipment, in violation of several FPPC regulations, she went ahead and left all the previous drafts attached, from concept to finished product.

You just can’t get good help these days, can you?

Fortunately, Kevin Hoover posted the whole damn thing on the Arcata Eye website.

Hurry on over there and get yourself a laugh.

Photo credit: Whoever’s facebook page we ganked these off of.

SHOCKER: Prog blog reports Larry Glass is right about something else

Media darling and terrific dancer

In a development sure to set the blogosphere ablaze, the Humboldt Herald announced that, once again, Larry Glass was right about something, while everyone Larry Glass dislikes was wrong.

This most recent incident comes hard on the heels of previous Humboldt Herald reports that Glass knew something no one else knew, said something no one else had the nuts to say, was calm when everyone around him panicked, and rescued someone no one else would save.

The Herald stated that Glass additionally was brave when everyone else was frightened, and able to stick to a low-carb diet months after everyone else had gone back to pizza and beer.

“This guy is like effing Superman,” said one reader who asked to remain anonymous because he secretly thinks Glass is a boorish dimwit.

“But instead of working for the Daily Planet, Larry’s sending a nonstop stream of self-promotional horseshit to the Herald,” the reader said. “But I’m sure Larry knows what he’s doing. I mean, shit, Larry knows what everyone’s doing. He’s fucking Larry Glass.”

There have been additional unconfirmed reports that Glass has walked on water, healed the blind and raised a handful of old progs from the dead just in time for the June primary.

Glass is also said to have  turned water into wine, which Natalynne DeLapp made short work of.

In related Herald news, Rob Arkley continued his quest for world domination, David Tyson was still an asshole, Linda Atkins wasn’t nearly as unpleasant as she seemed, Bonnie Neely was democracy’s last hope, and Paul Gallegos they’d just as soon not talk about.

How many times can Gags’ campaign lie about a job that never even existed?

Paull Gallegos and Natalynne DeLapp share a quiet moment of dishonesty.

Hoo-wee this is getting fun!

Not to be left out, Humboldt County District Attorney Paul Gallegos’ ridiculously hot “campaign manager” has now officially joined the rest of the campaign staff in lying about Paul’s impressively spotty work history.

And how’s that working out for her? Really not all that well.

Maybe that’s what you get when you pay some ditzy eye candy a shitload of donated money to pretend to manage a campaign that’s being fucked up just fine, thank you, by one of Humboldt County’s most notoriously disreputable douchebags. Because, you know. What could possibly go wrong with that?

At this point, seemingly everything.

Let’s review.

And here’s where it gets even funnier! Gallegos’ “campaign manager” Natalynne DeLappdance, from her post under the bus,  sends a poorly written e-mail to the blogosphere’s own Capdiamont stating the mistake was hers, not Gags’.

To wit:

I take full responsibility for the language that was written on the website. Yes, it did in fact say Paul worked as a DDA in LA, but that was my mistake and misunderstanding, not Paul’s. Paul did not misrepresent himself, I made a mistake. When I became aware of my error, I fixed the record.

And about the Times-Standard story?

Paul has never claimed to have worked for the LA Co. DA’s office check the Times Standard article yourself….

So we did.

In an article that appeared in the May 22 Times-Standard, Greenson wrote:

After law school, Gallegos said, he spent some time as a deputy district attorney in Los Angeles before venturing out to start a private practice.

Seems pretty clear to us.

Maybe English isn’t her first language.

Or maybe integrity just isn’t her thing.

Regardless, Natalynne, thanks for thinking of us in your e-mail. Being called blatantly dishonest by a person of your moral caliber is something not unlike high praise.

Hugs!!

[Capdiamont: Thanks again, friend!]

We could fuck up his campaign for half of what she’s making

In this week’s North Coast Journal, Team Gags’ high-priced fake campaign manager learns what reporters do for a living.

Originally thought to be a priceless work of art, this photo turned out instead to be, like its subject, a total and complete fraud.

Arts Gallegos

Inside District Attorney Paul Gallegos’ campaign headquarters — 321 3rd St. in Old Town Eureka — Arts Alive! patrons were exhibiting their native behavior: milling about, socializing, vaguely gazing at paintings while gnoshing delicate mouthfuls of crackers and oily salami. At the counter of the former coffee house, a woman absentmindedly ran her fingers through a basket of campaign buttons while chatting with the volunteers on the other side. In the course of their banter she offered an endorsement as tepid as the San Pellegrino orbiting the room in clear plastic cups: “Regardless of personal feelings,” the woman said blithely, “I don’t think we have another candidate who’s a better option.”

Impassioned, full-throated endorsements have fallen off a bit since 2004, when Humboldt County’s DA fought off a recall challenge bankrolled by villainous Texan Charles Hurwitz’s Pacific Lumber Company. Such an enthusiasm decline is to be expected, argued Gallegos’ campaign manager Natalynne DeLapp. “It’s the nature of the job,” she said after side-stepping some new arrivals. “If you’re in the court system, you’re not going to be happy.” And with roughly 12,000 cases prosecuted each year, that makes for plenty of unhappy voters. Still, as the campaign swings into full gear (phone-banking sessions are now happening four days per week) DeLapp is cautiously optimistic — though with four candidates in the field, she admitted that a runoff is very likely. “It’s gonna be between Allison Jackson and Gallegos,” she predicted confidently.

DeLapp casts challenger Paul Hagen in the role of potential spoiler. The former environmental prosecutor could split the progressive vote, she said before launching into a litany of reasons why he shouldn’t. “I don’t know who told him to run,” she said bitterly. Regardless, Gallegos has more than seven years of experience. “Paul’s grown into this job,” DeLapp said. “We’ve trained him on our dime, [and] he needs to be able to continue.”

Gallegos himself stayed busy pressing palms and greeting supporters as they filed through the room, which was adorned with paintings of ocean waves. DeLapp pulled him from a jovial huddle to speak to a reporter. Yes, he said, a November runoff is likely inevitable. “Numerically you’d have to expect that.” And he agreed that whether his experience serves as an asset or a liability will depend largely on each voter’s experience with the court system. Personal grudges are unavoidable, though. “That’s part of the job,” Gallegos said, “which is why I focus on doing [the job] rather than keeping it.”

– Ryan Burns
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