If the shoe fits…

A toast to the North Coast's handicapable Assemblyman Wes Chesbro.

Wes Chesbro’s office put out a news release last week announcing that the Assemblyman from Arcata has been chosen to chair the Assembly Select Committee on Wine and the Assembly Select Committee on Disabilities.

Uh, yeah.

We haven’t heard of a more fitting appointment since Patty Berg was named to head up the Blue Ribbon Commission on Smoking Six Packs a Day Until Your Damn Face Falls Off.

To be or not to be?

Splendide mendax

Frankly, we’re perplexed.

First this, from a recent Times-Standard article:

Shortly after being term-limited out of the Assembly, [Patty] Berg announced she was pondering a run to be the state’s insurance commissioner, the elected official who oversees the California Department of Insurance, the state’s largest consumer protection agency. Monday, she also said she will not pursue that post, and has decided to throw her support behind Dave Jones.

But not so quick, Davey Jones! Because today finds the non-candidate’s none-too-flattering mugshot on the cover of the San Francisco Chronicle, no less, alongside a photo of Michela Alioto-Pier, the San Francisco Supervisor who is “running for insurance commissioner against former Assemblywoman Patty Berg of Humboldt County.”

Is this shoddy reporting, or just another example of a local pol who doesn’t know when to quit?

We’re leaning toward the latter. By June of this year, the Patty Berg for Insurance Commissioner 2010 committee had raised $102,630–nowhere near enough to mount a statewide campaign, but enough to suggest she might be dumb enough to try.

Besides, if she’s not running, what’d she do with all that dough?

ElectionTrack reports that despite the aggressive fundraising, as of June Berg had on hand a paltry $3,449.

WTF?

That is the question.

LAME UPDATE: Richard Marks has more over at Samoa Softball.

Evans WWE’s Berg’s senate aspirations

3CH_BergSmackdown

Berg could have been a contender.

Which of these scenarios is more plausible:

1. Former Assemblywoman Patty Berg “passes on” Pat Wiggins’ district two senate seat so that she can cap off her illustrious career editing orientation materials.

2. When Berg flies to Sacramento last week to make her case for candidacy, it is Senate pro Tem Darrell Steinberg who passes on her?

We have a hunch about this one, but one way or the other Berg went down for the count at the hands of Santa Rosa Assemblywoman Noreen Evans. (Little campaign tip, sister–because we were pulling for you here–Laytonville: not in Humboldt County. But close!! So close.)

So Berg is gone, and with it much of that which familiarity breeds. Now if only we can get her to take her little friend Bon Bon with her.

We can dream, can’t we?

Lawmakers amend Berg’s ‘Death with Dignity’ bill to apply to her career

Berg Smoking

Light 'em if you got 'em.

A bill that would humanely terminate the tottering career of former Assemblywoman Patty Berg is picking up support in committee and could be headed for a vote in the senate.

Modeled after Berg’s own “Compassion and Choices,” a failed initiative which would have legalized assisting in the deaths of the terminally ill, Santa Rosa Assemblywoman Noreen Evans’ “Compassion and Choice of Adult Diapers and Nursing Homes” targets old, worn out politicians who don’t have the sense to quit.

“The logic of assisted career suicide is more compelling than ever since that battle-ax Berg shoved Wiggins under the crazy bus to free up the Second District senate seat,” Evans said.

“That move left little doubt that her career is terminal. It’s time to do the right thing and help put it out of its misery.”

Berg, who was termed out of the state assembly in January, announced in the Eureka Times-Standard last week that she was considering a run for Wiggins’ seat. She has also filed papers declaring her intent to run for state insurance commissioner in 2010, when she will be 143 years old.

Evans said repeatedly that her support of the bill was not a reflection on Berg’s achievements.

“She’s done so many good things for the elderly,” Evans said. “Especially herself.”

One insider who spoke on condition of anonymity noted that Berg’s comments about a senate run have been something less than inspiring.

“It would be one thing if she were able to articulate a vision, explain to us what she hoped to accomplish in the senate. But so far it sounds like she wants to be a senator only because she doesn’t really want to be an insurance commissioner,” the insider said. “No one I know thinks she should be either.”

But supporters called those statements “unfair,” and pointed to her past accomplishments, including meddling extensively in county affairs and bringing forward 17 different bills with the word “compassion” in the title.

Berg said if elected she would earn $116,280, issue endless proclamations about nothing, and fill the senate chamber with crocheted doilies and old-lady smell.

Photo janked from here.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride*

The Bon Bon’s damp dreams of a state senate appointment went up in smoke Monday when longtime ally and protector Patty Berg climbed over Neely’s considerable rotundness and announced her intention to grab Pat Wiggins’ senate seat for herself.

Oh snap, sistah!! That’s gonna leave a mark! But people–think about it. Berg had been, what? Like seven months without a big guzzle of milk from the public teat? You do not want to stand in the way of that shit.

No wonder the ice queen Ice Berg had such kind and thoughtful things to say about her “good friend” Senator Pat Wiggins last week– remember? Things such as, say, telling a newspaper reporter that Wiggins needed a complete neurological work-up, etc., which is code for “I may be a grizzled old lung transplant candidate, but look at the shit I can still rain down on you, biotch.”

And that’s all it took. Berg 1, Wiggins 0. It remains to be seen whether party leadership will throw candidate Noreen Evans under the bus just to give Berg a few more years of crass manipulation before that big Marlboro Man in the sky calls her home.

But who knows? Dumber things have happened. For example, Humboldt County voters have elected and re-elected Neely to the Fourth District seat since the Reagan administration. And it looks like we’re not rid of her yet.

A girl can dream, can't she?

A girl can dream, can't she?

*(Okay, we know Bon Bon was the bride once, but we got five bucks for anyone who can make heads or tails of that union, and besides, we’re speaking figuratively here.)

County may trade in Neely in Cash for Clunkers exchange

3CH_Neely_Kohler

The future's so bright, she has to wear elbow-length rubber gloves.

The Humboldt County Board of Supervisors is considering an offer from the federal government that would put cash into county coffers in exchange for the retirement of forty-term supervisor Bonnie Neely.

The proposal is part of Cash for Clunkers, an incentive program designed to get old and inefficient politicians off the road.

Under the terms of the plan, the feds would pay the county $3,500 for the 60-year-old supervisor to retire, if the county replaces her with someone who works 5 percent harder than Neely, and $4,500 if the replacement’s work ethic is a 10 percent improvement.

Fortunately, said Neely, she has set the bar conveniently low.

“For the past year, I’ve done nothing for anyone, spent virtually no time in the office and only grudgingly dragged my ass in for board meetings, where I occupy much of my time texting Patty, Alex and Connie to arrange lunch and movie dates” she said. “Otherwise, I’m at home, working on fundraising, which is going not well at all, and dredging up new and increasingly compromised candidates to run in other districts.”

Other activities include the significant amount of time she spends sucking the left tit of the Blue Lake Rancheria, which is located in Jill Duffy’s Fifth District but in the last election cycle contributed $25,000 to Neely’s Fourth District campaign and $10,000 to Clif Clendenen in the Second District.

When asked if Neely was excited about the Cash for Clunkers proposal, longtime campaign manager and Impropriety Society dominatrix Meghan Vogel said the plan would save Neely the embarrassment of losing in the next election.

“No matter how hard she begs, she can’t get significant campaign cash commitments from anyone, other than the casino,” Vogel said. “If she did have to run again, our only hope would be a new fundraising strategy that would involve rolling Old Town drunks for change.”

Vogel added that at least Old Town is in Neely’s district.

“If that doesn’t work, she’s gone one way or the other,” the campaign manager said. “But it’s not like she hasn’t had other offers. Patty’s been trying for years to get Bonnie to work for her. Patty isn’t getting any younger, you know, and she has such a hard time keeping that big house clean all by herself.”

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