Police chief denies spousal rape accusation, says two were never married

The embattled chief of the Blue Lake Police Department issued a strongly worded statement Sunday night stating that he is “completely innocent” of spousal rape because he is not married to the woman he drugged and sexually assaulted.

David Gundersen, 53, was arrested Friday in McKinleyville on suspicion of drugging and raping a woman identified only as his “wife,” who is said to be a Blue Lake police sergeant.

In Gundersen’s first public statement, he wrote, “I have every confidence that I will be vindicated of these baseless charges, and I challenge those who now seek to smear my name to produce a single shred of proof that I am in any way ‘married’ to the woman I raped.”

Gundersen went on to say that “concealed beneath” the rape accusations is an “elaborately orchestrated plan” to prove a violation of the department’s policy prohibiting nepotism.

“I am fully cognizant of the seriousness of that claim,” he wrote, “and am prepared to provide clear and convincing proof that I am completely innocent of improperly hiring and promoting anyone.”

Reached by phone late Saturday, Jeffrey Schwartz, Gundersen’s defense attorney and part-time Sizzler hostess, said allegations such as this are not uncommon in a small town.

“We don’t have the luxury of six degrees of separation in a population this size,” Schwartz said. “It’s not uncommon to go around hiring, promoting and raping all kinds of people only to find out later that you’re actually married to them.”

But the former deputy district attorney said that in this case that simply didn’t occur. “I’d go so far as to bet a free trip through the salad bar that David is absolved of all charges,” he said.

Gundersen remained in custody on $500,000 bail.

13 Responses

  1. You are scandalously funny. Buhne, is that you?

  2. I think it is a good time to commit some crimes in Blue Lake. Funny stuff Bug!

  3. This story is off the hook. Thanks for some perspective on this Bug in what would otherwise seem like a run of the mill bizarre story.

  4. A pretty bleak story but you made me chuckle with your version!

  5. Too kind, Hal, but no. We’re just lonely blog trolls who miss Buhne as much as you do. He’ll always be captain to us.

    Kym, thanks again for putting us on the local blog map. We feared we would roam silently thru the blogosphere for months before anyone found us, but since you mentioned the Mirror on Redheaded Blackbelt. we’ve received many hundreds of hits. Blog buds forever!

  6. Ahh shucks, Tis Rose who gave you all the hits. I’m just small potatoes.

    Anyway, you’ll keep the readers ’cause you’re outrageously funny.

  7. Haha! I did put up a link, but I found Kym’s post on Hank’s Blogthing.

  8. We didn’t see anything on the blogthing, Rose. Is it in the pipes? For some reason, the pipes page doesn’t display correctly on our ‘puter.

  9. Your version was funnier than mine.
    You sick bastards.

  10. Ahhh, yes, the pipes, the pipes – but it may have sunk beneath the fold. It was down for a bit today. When it goes down, all you see is the Journal postings.

    Hank’ll have to add a pipe for you.

  11. Our first “sick bastards.” So pleased. And to have Carson Park Ranger in da house? Pretty much the best day ever. Blog hugs!

  12. Ladies and gentlemen, we are in the presence of a master. The Schwartz touch (“sizzler hostess”–
    you are truly an evolved lunatic) was beyond briliant.

  13. We hear Mr. Schwartz will make regular appearances in the Mirror. Such a community asset! But your compliments, dear anon, make us weep. Tears of joy!

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