‘Fat Guy’ missing; Google Earth joins search

Remember Christ Durant?

We do too.

For years the grammatically-challenged Times-Standard reporter stumbled and hacked his way through the police beat like an elephant on ice skates.

But when he goes missing, we feel the loss.

Why this Ryan Burns? And Donna Tam? Please. Impostors both.

We want our Fat Guy back. Whether you liked him or not–and what’s not to like?–there’s no getting around the fact that violent crime isn’t nearly as funny without him.

Where has His Corpulence gone? Does either of our readers know?


(We hope this development doesn’t interfere with the search….)

10 Responses

  1. I just bought a carton of Half and Half at Ray’s with his picture on it…he must be missing.

  2. So not on the lowfat then?

  3. He’s now editor of the Times-Standard Northern Lights section

  4. No shit. Can’t we joke?

    And we look forward to his stumbling and hacking his way through that too.

  5. Someone with knowledge of his whereabouts, but unauthorized to speak about it, told me he’s been spending more and more time up in Oregon, where he feels he fits in a little better. Apparently he’s been pounding the pavement for a gas station job, as of yet with no success. I’ll see if I can’t find out a little more and get back to you on this.

  6. No, he wasn’t on the lowfat, or even 2% milk cartons. I didn’t check the coffee flavorings though.

    I wish he’d return to the crime beat. The new T-S guy is very green and the ER’s new hire is absolutely dreadful.

  7. I miss the Fat Boys.

    I liked the undercover reporting that Falk and Durant did together regarding the houseless situation in Eureka.

  8. Sorry I was wrong about his whereabouts. I just saw him spangin’ at a red light in Eureka with a cardboard sign that said “Let’s cut the bullsh*t, I just want a 40.”

  9. That homeless story was bad. Let’s not praise it now.

  10. Isn’t he writing Savage Henry?

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