Neely resigns from board; names brother Raúl as successor

In a letter published overnight on the Times-Standard’s website, six-term Humboldt County Supervisor Bonnie Neely announced her immediate resignation from the county’s governing board.

The letter stated that the 81-year-old Republican’s younger brother, Raúl, would assume Neely’s Fourth District seat.

Specific reasons for the sudden resignation were not provided, but county staffers said advanced age and declining health played a role.

One advisor noted that during the 2002 election, Neely underwent surgery to have her moral center removed.

Not long after, she lost several of her senses—of humor, of proportion and of decency—to a post-surgical infection. Her Eureka physician told the Humboldt Mirror that to this day Neely’s sense of self-importance remains “dangerously enlarged.”

President Bush, in impromptu remarks made Tuesday during a visit to Rwanda, said the announcement should spark a “democratic transition” for the people of Humboldt County.

“The international community should work with county residents to begin to build institutions that are necessary for democracy, and eventually this transition ought to lead to free and fair elections,” Bush said. “The United States will help the people of Humboldt realize the blessings of liberty.”

All eyes are now turned to Raúl, about whom little is known.

“The question is: Will there be enough change?” said Humboldt Mirror senior international correspondent Christiane Amanpour, who has visited the developing county several times.

“Will Raúl show progress towards the kind of things people in Humboldt want—openness, freedom, honesty, accountability, and an economic platform that creates adequate jobs?” she said. “They’re the same kinds of bread-and-butter issues that everybody all around the world has.”

There was no official response to the announcement locally, but upon hearing the news, Community Services Director Kirk Girard unofficially shit his pants.

9 Responses

  1. you son of a bitch I went over to the TS website with a glimmer of hope…could it be true? please don’t joke around like that, it’s not funny. It is one thing to joke about rape, hate-crimes, and lovelace’s big-ass head, but this one hits too close to home for too many people.

  2. We’re so sorry!! We hoped the “brother Raul” business in the headline would tip off our reader(s) that we were making a satirical comparison to that other dictatorship to the south and east of us. Viva la revolucion anyway!

  3. it was hard to the second half of the headline through my tears of joy

  4. insert “read”

  5. holy shit little humbug – you crack me up!

  6. I am waiting for the Mirror’s exclusive interview with Raul before expressing my opinion of how he will do in his new position.


  7. Every public figure in Humboldt County should be wondering they are next to be eviscerated.

  8. We bow in awe, oh mighty Humbug. We wait with anxious anticipation for who IS GONNA GET IT NEXT!

  9. ltfgosofjtrbsfhpwell, hi admin adn people nice forum indeed. how’s life? hope it’s introduce branch 😉

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