The King of Kings and Lord of Lords is considering adding one more title to His name, that of Third District Supervisor for the Humboldt County board.
The Messiah would join an already crowded field of district residents looking to fill the seat that will be vacated when John Woolley steps down at the end of his current term.
In an exclusive interview with the Humboldt Mirror, the popular and approachable third of the Holy Trinity put up his sandaled feet and knocked back a bloody Mary as He discussed His possible entry into the race.
“I figured, you know, if it’s a spotty employment history and God-complex voters want, I’ll show them what that shit is all about.”
The Christ acknowledged that He once worked as a carpenter and has ruled and reigned off and on for the past 2,000 years. But He noted that like other potential candidates in the race, He has earned His living primarily from the “prudent fiscal management” of nontaxable contributions intended for other purposes.
“Running the world ain’t cheap,” He said. “All that telling people what to think and do, what to believe, how to live, pointing out over and over again the one true way—let’s just say it adds up,” He said, shaking His head.
“Certainly My possible competitors have experience with that, but only I have raised the necessary financial support to take moral grandstanding to a truly global audience.”
The Redeemer also said he’d been following the county’s General Plan Update for the past several hundred years and believed that under His leadership, supervisors could finally get the document “nailed down.”
When asked who He might name as His Campaign Manager of Campaign Managers, the Savior said He hadn’t yet decided.
“I’m not sure I even need a manager,” He said. “I mean, how do you run against the Son of God? I’ve already been working on some slogans. Check this out: ‘Jesus Christ—Who the fuck else is there?’ Or what about this one: ‘You’re either for Christ or you’re Antichrist.’ Get it?”
The Lord Your God has just one week to file papers declaring His candidacy.
Filed under: Humboldt County | Tagged: a spotty employment history and God-complex, Jesus Christ--Who the fuck else is there?, Lamb That Was Slain for Third District, moral grandstanding, uphill battle for Jewish vote |