ELF suspected in blaze that liberates tons of carbon into atmosphere

A sign left at the scene of a series of house fires believed to have been intentionally set near Seattle has led investigators to suspect the Earth Liberation Front, a radical environmental organization blamed for numerous similar fires across the country.

Apparently releasing tons of pollutants into the air, destroying the natural resources used to build the homes and risking the lives of men and women called to extinguish the fires is a small price to pay for getting out the message about the downside of clustered development.

On the other hand, the sign was hand-painted with chemical-free pigments on fair-trade fabric made of 100 percent post-consumer waste, so it’s all good.

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10 Responses

  1. Elves aren’t usually so vindictive. It was probably brownies who did it and tried to place the blame on the elves.

  2. A developer unable to sell homes in today’s market might be tempted to burn them and blame an envirowhack group to deflect blame for an obvious arson and collect the insurance.

  3. Nope, it was the Girl Scouts. Not knowing that the homes were unoccupied, they got pissed at the rich assholes for not answering the doors to buy their cookies. One of them threw a burning box of Samoas and with the high transfat content, the whole development went up. They are getting their badges for firestarting and framing pot smoking environmental terrorists.

  4. I am hearing rumblings that the FBI is planning on raiding two Keebler manufacturing plants (actually trees) later today. Those elves can’t hide for long.

    -boy

  5. Elves, brownies, girl scouts, cookies…looks like we got us a conspiracy.

  6. I get the BK crown now…it’s because Neely always wants it her way.

  7. It’s a visual soliloquy on the smallness of man and the vastness of his ambition. That, and we couldn’t find any Playboy bunny ears.

  8. The pirate gig works well too — she just LOVES all that power that comes along with screwing people from the perspective of being a sitting member of the California Coastal Commission… which is where she was yesterday when some brave folks blew the whistle on the County Assessor breaking the law by not processing deeds WITH the Supervisors blessing… guess she can’t be in 2 places at once like the omnipotent one she thinks she is…awwww.

  9. Hey–it’s our favorite little birdie!! Welcome, friend. Nice to have you leave a little dropping for us here. Stay in touch.

  10. Witches, commies, hippies, queers, elves. It’s all so confusing. Let’s just group them into one handy package: Terrorists!

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