Gas prices hit highest level since yesterday (or, The Humboldt Mirror solves another of the world’s vexing problems)

We bugs aren’t prudish. Not even a little. We tell off-color jokes and link to porn sites and sometimes throw eff-bombs into headlines just for fun. We, in short, have nothing against a little screwing.

But even we couldn’t help feeling a bit miffed about the unceremonious pounding we took at the pump yesterday when we stopped to fill up the gas tank on our car.

Darn near $4 a gallon for the low-grade stuff—and prices are expected to rise as we move into the summer driving season.

So here’s our solution. We think you’ll like it.

What if we find us an oil-rich country and start an unprovoked war that will democratize the Middle East and, in turn, secure major gas pipelines and shipping channels to ensure the delivery of inexpensive crude oil far into the future?

It’s audacious. It’s brilliant. It’s—what?? Someone already tried that? It turned outhow?

Oh well, fuck it. Don’t trouble us with details. We’re idea people….


19 Responses

  1. Well, that would be a WAR for OIL. silly, and we’re against that. We can’t actually TAKE any oil or all the bumpersticker SUV drivers wold have a courthouse lawn protest, see, they’d rather pay $5 a gallon.

  2. Walk more. Drive less. Tune-up the bicycle.

  3. Ok carol – I can’t wait to see you bike to Eureka from Loleta some afternoon. Seems like it will be double fun in the rain!

  4. No, not to Eureka! But around Loleta would be OK. I would like to ride my bike to Fortuna, but it is way too dangerous.


  5. Rose is right. We can’t just have a war for oil. We have to pretend it is to fight terrorism and free people and then occupy their country until they sign their oil over to the oil comp… er… I mean us before we end the occupation.

  6. Hey, I drove the Hybrid to Santa Cruz – 45 miles/gallon and only a 1/2 tank of gas. Not bad mileage –

  7. We can hope they at least give us a deal on the oil, 10:53. In the meantime, we need to dedicate our national will and our national resources to finding, creating and implementing a complete replacement for fossil fuels. Period. We can do it – “Yes, we can!”

    Instead of giving grants to study Global Warming, just make all grants geared towards safe alternate fuel sources.

  8. Bomb, bomb, bom, bomb bomb Iran …

    come on everyone, crazy Uncle John is running for President. You remember Crazy Uncle John, the one with the Kung-Fu grip in his hands, but without a grip on reality in his head!

    It’ll be a barrel full of laughs to watch as ol’ Uncle John mumbles and stumbles his way around the Oval office singing this catchy tune!!

  9. By the same people who gave us the fabulous Iraqi war is the idea we could let those wonderful corporations who have our best interests at heart drill in the pristine Alaskan Wilderness ’cause like who needs all that snow anyway.

  10. Sheesh, Rose. We liked our idea better.

  11. In 2001 when Glorious Leader George Bush took office, a barrel of crude oil cost 32 dollars, and this asshat had the nerve to complain the Cinton-era policies had driven up the cost.

    Seven years after the start of “Iraqi Oil Liberation” a barrel of crude now costs 108 dollars, is expected to rise, and we pay nearly 4 dollars per gallon at the pump.

    Thank God for the fucking Republican party. When you want to fuck up government and fuck it up good, remember to vote for whatever closeted gay man has the (R) after his name on your ballot.

    Sure, in two years he may be found wearing two wetsuits with a dildo shoved up his ass after accidentally asphyxiating himself during some form of weird (is there any other sort of sex when a Republican is involved?) sexual escapade in Alabama, but it will have been worth it, just ask Jesus.

  12. There are a lot of scary people out there. Can’t I just stick my head in the sand until it is all over? Naw . . . I might miss something.

  13. Humboldt Blue must be the leader of Iran – he apparently believes there are no closeted gays in the Democratic party, and has an obvious distaste for closeted gays. So very progressive.

  14. We thought Blue disliked closeted gay Republicans, possibly along with openly gay Republicans, straight Republicans, celibate Republicans, transgender Republicans, Republicans with both female and male genitalia, etc. In short, we thought it was a Republican thing, not a gay thing. Blue??

  15. Carol, like most good,(blind), progs really believe the crap they peddle. So when you’re riding that bike in the rain to see your doctor in Eureka for the flu Carol just reflect on what a load you’re moving. Again ,Carol is a very nice lady just blinded by her prog’ism.

  16. Oh fuck off Rose, you caterwauling harpy. If I had wanted to hammer Democrats I would have, but they haven’t led the fight to outlaw homosexuality in this country, now have they? They haven’t stood in state houses and assembly chambers and the halls of Congress calling our family members and friends who happen to be gay a greater threat to this nation than terrorism, have they?

    No I don’t think they have, so save your sanctimonious tripe for someone who gives a flying rat’s ass.

  17. Was it something you said, Blue?

  18. Oh snap and snap-back, friends! It’s on now. A heated argument between two people who almost completely agree with each other and don’t know it!

  19. Agree? Hmmm, I just don’t see it. But you know – caterwauling harpy, sanctimonious tripe – gotta save that.

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