It’s that time of year again, friends, and as a public service to both of our readers, the bugs are revealing for the first time their secret recipe for family fun in the sun.
- 1 chicken (see below)
- 1 handful of soggy briquets left over from last summer
- Not enough lighter fluid
- 1 12-pack of PBR
- 2 bugs
- 2 bug wives to tell us we’re doing it wrong
- 5 bug kids to pelt us with insults and Frisbees
- A second 12-pack of PBR
- 1 bug dog
- Extract of bug dog
- 4 full rolls of Charmin Ultra
- Cut chicken into recognizable parts
- When this fails, go back to store and buy chicken already cut into recognizable parts
- Begin drinking PBR
- Fuss with barbecue for endless amount of time
- Administer generous serving of dog extract to shoes; swear, rinse, repeat
- Ignore kids unless they’re drowning in something
- Drink more
- Locate soggy briquets in back of garage
- Attempt to light; repeat
- Briefly discuss topics of general manly interest
- When coals are warm to the touch, place chicken on grill
- Cook for five minutes, or until harmful bacteria rise visibly to surface
A couple of pointers here: First, salmonella poisoning is rarely fatal. You may wish to die, but you probably won’t. Keep that in mind when considering an expensive trip to the emergency room.
And second: There’s no shame in sending your 13-year-old on a beer run. No shame at all. After you’ve knocked back a dozen PBRs, the kid probably drives better than you anyway.
Have a great weekend!!
Filed under: Humboldt County | Tagged: diarrhea: fun for the whole family, don't forget the Charmin, maybe out of commission for a few days, muy Bonita, probably not fatal, rare bird, secret recipe, Undercooked Chicken Contest |