Bugs hold Third Annual Undercooked Chicken Contest

It’s that time of year again, friends, and as a public service to both of our readers, the bugs are revealing for the first time their secret recipe for family fun in the sun.


  • 1 chicken (see below)
  • 1 handful of soggy briquets left over from last summer
  • Not enough lighter fluid
  • 1 12-pack of PBR
  • 2 bugs
  • 2 bug wives to tell us we’re doing it wrong
  • 5 bug kids to pelt us with insults and Frisbees
  • A second 12-pack of PBR
  • 1 bug dog
  • Extract of bug dog
  • 4 full rolls of Charmin Ultra


  • Cut chicken into recognizable parts
  • When this fails, go back to store and buy chicken already cut into recognizable parts
  • Begin drinking PBR
  • Fuss with barbecue for endless amount of time
  • Administer generous serving of dog extract to shoes; swear, rinse, repeat
  • Ignore kids unless they’re drowning in something
  • Drink more
  • Locate soggy briquets in back of garage
  • Attempt to light; repeat
  • Briefly discuss topics of general manly interest
  • When coals are warm to the touch, place chicken on grill
  • Cook for five minutes, or until harmful bacteria rise visibly to surface
  • Serve

A couple of pointers here: First, salmonella poisoning is rarely fatal. You may wish to die, but you probably won’t. Keep that in mind when considering an expensive trip to the emergency room.

And second: There’s no shame in sending your 13-year-old on a beer run. No shame at all. After you’ve knocked back a dozen PBRs, the kid probably drives better than you anyway.

Have a great weekend!!


36 Responses

  1. Great recipe though already a family favorite around our house. Don’t forget a glass of water and two Tums at bedtime for desert. Great day for it as well, summer is coming. Only problem with the suggestion is that typically while we are spending time with our kids, cleaning the garage, mowing the lawn around our sprawl like homes or otherwise recuperating from a week at work earning a living, Bon Bon, John John, and Markey poo are spending their time figuring our how they are going to fuck us next.

  2. Thanks for the subject change bugs. You guys really are funny and an asset to the blog community which usually takes itself way too seriously. We think we’ll stay away from the chicken under-cook-off, though. Food poisoning isn’t fun.

  3. 12:11 – Easy remedy for the threesome: (sorry about the image that brings forth…ewww) Vote for Plumley, Vevoda, and Roger/Johanna.

    NOW is our chance to get our lives back.

  4. No politics today. Please. Let’s try to remember what really matters in life. The bug’s amazing chicken recipe is a good place to start. Look out, Emeril!

  5. God man, it sounds like you were at Neely training session with Clif and Carlos last week. How the hell do you get an invite?

  6. PBR rocks.

  7. Oly, nothing else need be said.

  8. LMAO!!!! See, now we avoid the whole bacterial poisoning by having undercooked BEEF. It moos, it bleeds, it lays like a black and red slug on our plates.
    And Mama doesn’t drink beer. I drink Whiskey.

    Other than that it looks pretty similar.

  9. Jameson rocks.

  10. Took your advice. Great day.

  11. You forgot one thing Bug, DO NOT clean your BBQ after it’s been sit’n out all winter….what is all.

  12. It appears that the great and wonderful Blue needs to make a house call.

    Grass-fed beef sits waiting in the icebox, guarded diligently by homemade sausage and fresh veggies.

    Losers use wet charcoal and fail to add Lazzari’s mesquite.

  13. “NOW is our chance to get our lives back.”

    We know you just want to get your investment back, Rob. What is a supervisor going for these days?

  14. Okay . . . what is PBR?

  15. Pabst Blue Ribbon. One of my favorites. And 10:22, political contribution filings are available at the elections office if you’d like to have a factual discussion about who has paid for whom. The only “investment” I find in those documents is the one Neely’s buddies at the Indian casino made in Clif Clendenen. Pull the filings and get back to me. Alternatively, you can just keep throwing out a bunch of dishonest hyperbole no one here believes.

  16. Don’t be so naive, 8:33. There are many ways to buy a politician that never show up on campaign filings. Like funding a push poll, for instance.

  17. Pabst Blue Ribbon. One of my favorites.

    Oh, okay. Never tried the stuff. I like the homebrews and microbrews myself: Red Tail Ale is our favorite.

  18. Don’t be such a conspiracy nut, 8:39. There are many ways to demean yourself that never show up on campaign filings. Like attempting to smear people on a blog to advance your own political agenda, for instance. If you had a shred of evidence to support your ravings you would have presented it by now.

  19. People, please. Can’t the bugs nurse a couple of PBR hangovers on a Sunday morning? This is a post about a barbecue. If you want to bash each other’s brains in, take it elsewhere. For the remainder of the day, any comment about politics posted to this thread will be deleted. If pushing the delete button turns into a full-time job, we’ll block IP addresses, shut down comments or both. Go somewhere and think some happy thoughts about something.

  20. And Carol, our BBFF, you haven’t missed anything with the PBR. It’s kind of like drinking your own urine. The only reason we went PBR and chicken instead of, say, Red Tail and steak is that the bank accounts are a little light after making property tax payments a couple weeks ago. Ouch!!

  21. Red Tail and one of Greg’s BBQ hamburgers are the best!

    Where is your cute avatar, humbugs?

  22. We wish we knew, Carol. WordPress has been behaving badly lately. It seems to have stopped converting incoming comments to spam, but now our little blue bug has completely disappeared. If our IT Department wasn’t so bumbling, maybe we could get some of these issues addressed.

  23. We have been having troubles with our satellite server this past week. The email is all goofy.

    I think your avatar is visitng us!


  24. visiting

    those silly typos!

  25. This post sounds a lot like the WONKAVISION Shareholders picnic I was invited to a few weeks back.

    Nothing but the best wishes for a speedy recover to the Humbug and his PBR hangover.


  26. Excellent usage of the Humbug avatar, Carol. We feel the specialness! Thanks.

  27. You are welcome, and you are special, Humbugs!

  28. Well looky there. Avatar problem fixed. It turned out to be a Dumbug problem rather than a WordPress problem. We suck!!

  29. That is better, bugsters!

  30. Holy shit this is funny.

    PS thank you bug for banishing those Heraldo jerks. We so hate their little close minds and even more closed hearts.

  31. What a sad little hater you are Anonymous 10:02

  32. No actually 11:33 I am laughing by blue ass off at you right now. In fact, laughing so hard, I just blew coffee all over the wall. Now back with you to Mr. H’s blog.

  33. That’s what happens when you eat rare chicken – you get a bug and the bug disappears. The bug must be well again.

  34. Neener, Neener, Neener!

  35. “Wastin’ away again in Margaritaville….”

  36. Lodge, can you freaking believe we went all day without a single pitcher of today’s holiday beverage?? Problem is we chugged all those PBRs on Saturday, then tried to push through the hangover with some Margaritis on Quatro de Mayo. Not the best idea we’ve ever had. Didn’t help Saturday’s problem, and left us unprepared for Monday’s drinking challenge. But what the hell. Good to know you at least are doing your part. Cheers, friend.

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