Bugs give themselves fat pay raises

In a 2 – 0 vote, the Humboldt Mirror bugs voted Wednesday to give themselves gazillion percent pay increases.

The move came on the heels of a unanimous decision Tuesday by the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors to grant large pay raises to some of the highest paid people in the county.

“It’s true that we basically just sit around and suck all day, but nothing can compare with the combined suckage of, say, Kirk Girard, Paul Gallegos and Wendy Chaitin, who were just given an extra 10 Gs each per year,” the Humbug said.

“Unlike those fumbledicks, we haven’t wasted millions of taxpayer dollars on failed redevelopment plans or politically motivated litigation. That kind of incompetence costs money, and lots of it. It’s only fair that they receive a larger share of the money they’ve been primarily responsible for wasting.”

Ironically, supervisors approved the raises shortly before Chaitin’s interim county counsel performance review, during which she was given impressively low marks on virtually every aspect of her job.

One insider said Chaitin took such a beating during the evaluation that the supes had to actually take the huge stacks of extra money sitting around and fashion makeshift bandages out of the bills to staunch the flow of blood.

The pay raises are scheduled to take effect June 29, just in time for the bugs’ annual Fourth of July PBR kegger.


21 Responses

  1. Thank God for you Bugs – and where, one might ask did all of the money come from???

    Think hard, now…..

    Could it be the money that was petitioned for in the Tooby Ranch boon-doggle attorney’s fees abd costs that the court did not award on the first go-round? (exactly 1.8 million over the next three years is too much of a coincidence)

    Why did we say first go-round? Because anyone that reads the court decision can see that the court fumbled around for a safe way out politically – and in doing so included the bi-furcated issues incorectly in not awarding McKee his due. That’s a no-no.

    As for the Wenden-bun’s harsh review: She should step out while there is still a car to drive her out of town in, and can we put Carolyn Ruthless in the trunk???

  2. AND costs..

  3. You will now be able to buy all the PBR for the “Blogger Fest” in September. Of course you won’t have to buy any for Heraldo as we don’t know who or how many that is so she/he/it won’t show up. As for the bugs – will you be in blue?? I think the Anonymous bloggers who post need to show up and wear numbers so we know how many of us there are. I think quite a few. Might have to spend a few extra bucks on PBR. But then with your gazillion dollars in raises you can spring for it.

  4. It’s the human condition, they have to take more money. They can’t help themselves anymore than a pig at a trough of slop. When you work for “The People” there is always enough slop for a healthy raise. It’s as though the numbers are all imaginary.

  5. You plagiarizing mudbugs. I should sue. I swear, one of these days …. onnneeeee oooffff thheesseee days!

    I bet someone online at a prominent lefty blog today a can of PBR, they didn’t take me up on it, fucking liberal elitst arugula eating motherfuckers.

    As for the raises, feh, whatcha gonna do, at least they are claiming they already had it budgeted.

  6. Aw whatsamatta, Blue? You missing your fumbledick? Because we totally did steal it. It was the very best ever, and we jacked it. Thanks, friend! PBR’s on us!!

  7. With Gordon Gecko bothering me with phone calls everyday as he tries to get me to sell him my Wonkavision portfolio, I want to take a moment to commend you on a very well deserved raise.

    Be proactive, and invest your monies in well grounded industries. PBR comes to mind. I should ask Jim Cramer, but he probably tips back a few PBR’s before going on air.

    Have a safe, and sober July 4th!

    Wait…what the hell am I saying?


  8. Well, boy, there’s nothing wrong with safe, right???

  9. I’m totally disgusted and, though you made an excellent effort, I can’t find the humor in this decision.

  10. Yeah, Jen, we couldn’t really either, which is why we had to make some shit up just so we could have something to laugh about.

    Nice to see you, Blue, boy and lodgepole around. We’ve been kind of MIA lately, but hopefully our new raises will inspire us to get back to work.

  11. Most of these salary increases come from long cocaine-induced nights of orgies, property destruction and blasphemy…just one good reason to run for office among many.

  12. Hey what you guys all missed is that on the page on the county website numbered 17 (which happens to be page 5 of exhibit B (the compensation plan for elected and appointed officials)there is also an additional 10% for any elected or appointed offical who has 20 years in the county and 5% for one with more than 10 years.

    So the bon bon just raised her salary 10% ON TOP OF 13% for a total of 23%. Now for real insult, appointed and elected salaries already had gone up in 2005. The pay for the Supes was in 2005 around $60,000 and now it is $79,000 as a base

    – but bon bon gets more because of that additional 10 % on top of the 13%. And KIRK GIRARD ALSO GETS MORE – 5% ON TOP OF THE 13% AND LAMEBRAIN CHAITIN GETS THE SAME. God this is really putrid.

  13. These folks better hope I don’t see them after I’ve had about 5 beers, or I’m likely, to go, Jerry, Droz on their ass.

  14. Septic tank theory of politics. The bigger the turd the faster is rises to the top. When you are already a smelly turd on the top,another undeserved raise doesn’t smell any worse. Should be a general plan workshop idea.

  15. thank you 4:36 – at least someone is thinking.

  16. Hey Bug, you got some guys squattin’ on yer 40.

    They seem to be doin’ yer gig.

  17. Doesn’t an unanimous vote mean that Jill Geist and Johanna Rodoni voted for the pay increases too? Such selective outrage here at Neely that one could suspect partisan bias.

  18. Yeah we wouldn’t want anyone on a blog having partisan views about anything, would we?

  19. Looks like bugs being MIA has spawned scores of imitators looking to fill the void. Plus “enhanced”” news is so in right now. You won’t have much to worry about at my blog stealing you gig though (once I get around to working on it) as I plan to make my entries 100% fact free! Research is for chumps anyways 🙂


  20. 100 percent fact-freedom is 100 percent awesomeness, Max!!! An enthusiastic welcome to the Humboldt blogosphere. We’ll add you to our blog listing at once.

  21. Not only has Maximum Humboldt been launched but at the same moment we get The Redwood Ridiculer.

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