While we hope His Fatness is not literally on the 44th president of theses United States, as that might qualify as an assassination attempt, word around town is that one oversized half of our very own Fat Guys has scored an invite to the hottest event in U.S. history.
Sources say James Faulk, Times-Standard assistant editor, father of three, and all-around bon vivant is the proud recipient of a ticket to Barack Obama’s inauguration. How awesome!! Move over, Mr. Chips Goes to Washington. This is Mr. Chips and Dip with a Bucket of Chicken and a Case of Pork Rinds Thrown In for Good Measure.
But James–a word of advice, from us, because we like you: Hold off on that inaugural funnel cake, and maybe show some restraint around the PBR booth. Turns out that you and your 239,999 fellow invitees will have exactly zero toilets available to you during the ceremony. Fortunately, the 3 million or so also-rans who crowd the cheap seats in the back will be able to share one porta-pooer for every 600 attendees.
Don’t know about you, but we think those odds are crap.
Oh, and by the way: From whom did the Fat Guy get his invite?
That, friends, is a secret.
Filed under: Humboldt County Tagged: | all-around bon vivant, ass-ass-ination attempt, crappy odds, don't forget your catheter, Fat Guy on 44, hottest event in U.S. history, inaugural funnel cake, James Faulk, Mr. Chips and Dip Goes to Washington, PBR booth, praise the lord and pass the toilet paper