Lovelace identifies new wetlands to protect

A broken toilet valve on the second floor of the Humboldt County Courthouse has created “an environmental opportunity” to convert the first floor of the building into potentially species-saving marshlands, according to 3rd District Supervisor Mark Lovelace.

“As far as I’m concerned, this is now critical habitat and subject to all the protections provided by law,” Lovelace said Thursday.

“At least a dozen different species of endangered mold can now thrive on and in the interior walls of the courthouse. And with only a small amount of work, coho salmon can swim free through the hallways and elevator shafts in pools shaded from the sun.”

The offices of the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors were particularly hard-hit by the flood, with ceiling tiles collapsing onto the desk of County Administrative Officer Loretta Nickolaus.

When asked what she thought of Lovelace’s habitat protection idea, Nickolaus responded that it was “not quite but almost as idiotic as that fucking billy-goat hair he’s got growing on his chin.”