The Humboldt Mirror: Now with less relevance

The Mirror's vital statistics are neither. Discuss.

The Mirror's vital statistics are neither. Discuss.

We’re not sure we understand this one, but in fact renowned Mirror reader Andy Bird has returned from his brief and none too successful experiment with self-restraint and IP anonymizers.

But do we care? Not all that much.

So word up to the Vital Statistics Department: You keep making up shit like this and the answer to the question below is gonna be a big fat no one. Back to work, friends!! And try to suck just a little bit less.

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35 Responses

  1. Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves?

  2. We loves us some Cher.

  3. Andy Bird is bird shit

  4. Andy Bird reads way more often than that.

  5. Is Bird PAID to monitor all the blogs? Otherwise – why does he still have a job?

  6. Here are some of the groups your “vital statistics fail to incorporate:

    rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists

    Just a little Blazing help!

  7. Thanks Tapperass, we’ve been enjoying the Mel Brooks fest tonight too. Classic!

  8. You left out Hank’s “Progs” and “Paleocons.”

  9. Hey, I read this crappy blog with a joy that is unrivaled in reading any other crappy, local blog.

  10. Can’t Cheesebreath get Bird to actually work for a living or is trolling all that he can muster up. I mean what a waste of tax payers dollars. I say keep the local kids insurance programs and can the “Bird.”

  11. WTF? Your data-set is way off dude!!! Maybe you’ve some hidden agenda? I mean I know how you love to always call me a Douchebag and you know how I read and reread your website all day every day…

    So how come there is no category in your chart for Douchebags? Is it really true that no Douchebags read the Humboldt Mirror? Cause ‘ya know me and my Douchebag wannaabeeness and I want to know I’m among a community of Douchebags!

    Or maybe you just thought the word Douchebag was too big to fit into the Graph? Is that it?

    Regardless, I’m now promoting your blog on our website. I really like your blog because your blog is never certain if it’s intelligent or not!

  12. Need to set you straight here Deane

    1) it is not just the Humbug that loves to always call you Douchebag. The whole world considers you a douchebag.

    2) There is not a catagory for you on the chart because you don’t count.

    3) While you may not know whether this blog is intelligent or not we all know that you are definitely NOT.

    Hey has anyone seen the Bird Boy today? I hear he has a big date with the boss tomorrow night in Arcata.

  13. That’s mean to tell me I don’t count? Do you really want to be so mean to me?

  14. Summer’s Eve!! Go easy on the Deano. For fuck’s sake he just used the phrase “douchebag wannabeness.” Of course he misspelled it, but that’s okay. He’s slow but endearing.

  15. so, Jill Duffy is not running again. Is she a ‘sacred cow’ with the bug folk? Or, can this humble reader just mention that there are lots of married men in the private sector that she hasn’t had carnal knowledge of. Of course, she is married and respectable herself now, right……Did anyone ever wonder about her and the Planning Office? At any rate, it is time for new blood. Hank Sims all but salivated over Patrick Cleary, to go back in time a bit: ” Gag with me a big fucking spoon!”
    Mark Lovelace with dark hair, even their voices sound the same! Yikes!

  16. I have to take issue with your analysis Summer.

    Seymour Louppholes, a Nebraska bovinemass methane producer does not think that Deane is a douchebag. He thinks Deane is irrelevant. But, he really doesn’t know shit. Well then, maybe he does. There is a pod of sperm whales off the Azores who don’t care either way.

    As to Bird, Seymour thinks he should be flipped. In order to further that cause, he’s accepting donations to buy Andy a gift certificate for the Peter LaVallee Institute for the Treatment of Deep Sleaze Remorse.

    It’s tax deductible.

  17. Ah Dan, that’s so sweet. We’d hug you or something, but we don’t actually roll that way at all.

  18. Let’s see now. Clif and Jimmy share one testicle and 75 IQ points while Bonnie and Mark fuck this county in the ass every chance they get. Nothing personal, Josephine, but who Jill has or hasn’t slept with isn’t ranking very high on our list of things to give a shit about.

  19. And comes with a case of Old Crow??

  20. Hey, Buggies, I don’t consider myself a Dork, Geek, Nerd, or Andy Bird, and I like Andy Bird, BTW.

    I am a blogger!

    🙂

    Have a nice day!

  21. Girlfriend, as a blogger you are by definition a dork, a geek and a nerd. As for Andy Bird, he’s irrelevant in every way that matters. We mention him only because we’re paying his (amusingly modest) salary, and don’t think his time is well spent sitting on our blog all day when he’s supposed to be assisting Chesbro’s constituents. If the esteemed Assemblyman ever lifted a finger anymore to do anything, he’d give the Bird the boot. But instead Chesbro now models that same indifference and entitlement that define Bird’s work ethic. Quality, all the way around.

  22. Ok, ok. My bad.

  23. Josephine, you are losing it again girlfriend. Duffy is one of the few sane people working in county politics. Big shame she is going into private life again. Real big shame. Don’t mean to criticize you (NOT) but your issues seem to be your own. What are ya jealous of Lil Jill?

  24. If Seymore Louppholes is a Nebraska bovinemass methane producer, how can he not know shit?

  25. Easy old man. How can he not know shit? It’s simple – because he don’t know shinola so couldn’t tell the difference if he tried.

  26. Hank Sims all but salivated over Patrick Cleary

    Easy, now.

    I’m just saying that he’s now the guy to beat, for the reasons I mentioned.

  27. nah – a blogger is a blogger, that’s all, folks!

  28. Don’t let Duffy around Kerrigan… no way he’ll pass up her cheatin’ ways

  29. Bird, Bird. Yes I thought I knew that name. You’ll have to forgive me as I’ve had to look at so many little dicks in my time. But, I do remember when the scotch finally kicks in. God bless scotch. Bird was the guy who carried the sun tan lotion for that Chesbro dude. Nice tan,teeny weene.

  30. Nope bugs….but there is the all-you-can-eat Crow barbecue. Visiting days at the Institute cafeteria.

    Complete with Peter’s secret sauce. Yummmm

    But stop, there’s more! Donate $100 by midnight tonight and you’ll also receive an authentic, Wes Chesbro commemorative, special edition spread sheet screen saver. When the COS walks in, just hit escape and the blog page is instantaneously replaced with a complex excel analysis of the “Ethical Alliance for Compassionate Internet Insect Eradication Act.”

    “Tired of having to do actual work? No more!! You don’t have to interrupt your important blog trolling anymore. Just hit escape and the title, “REAL IMPORTANT GOVERNMENT WORK!” appears at the top of the screen. This popular program has been used effectively for public policy making in statehouses and yes, even the White House!!!.

    Call Now! and say “I saw it on the Mirror” and you’ll get the coveted, Patty Berg, “Let them Eat Crow, Hun!” Tee shirt as a free gift. That’s right! No cheap imitation. This is the real thing – complete with our little Patty and a block long line of unemployment insurance applicants in the background.

    Operators are standing by

    Get yours today.”

  31. Yep OP

    I had the same epiphany. Hence “Well then, maybe he does.”

    warmly,

    dogphart

  32. Holy crap, dog. You are way funnier than we are. Don’t tell anyone, okay?

  33. That’s high praise Bugs.

    Just trying to be a proper grain of sand in this glass candle world
    filled with myopic souls.

    It’s a catharsis of sorts but damn good fun too. Years ago I was a
    poet. Some said I turned a good phrase. But, there was one that stuck to the ceiling and never came down. “Boogers”,was my artful rejoinder. From there I wandered into the wilderness for forty days and forty nights and gained a vision. Then I left Mckinleyville behind.

    You, my friend Bugs are the streetwise local paparazzi of the contemporary version of the ’emperor’s new clothes. ‘ And with all due respect to God’s magnificent creation, after 40, it’s not a pretty sight. Yet….boobs are as boobs do. But, I am done with Andrew for the moment.

    It is an occupational hazard for me to have to endure these blogs for the self serving bullshit that most of them are. Not the same way as Andy or H, just having some fun. But there it is. Plop…..right there smack in the center of our reason comes a steaming turd and so many damn fools who just can’t let the facts get in the way of a good spin. We choose our own poisons and that’s where you come in.

    It’s a deep mud puddle Bugs. Even without a full EIR as to the environmental consequences, I’d like to squish it around between my toes. OK?

    Now about those palm trees…..

    Dog

    running at large

  34. You turn a great phrase, and we’re always pleased when you stop by. By the way, we’re also always in the market for guest postings. We think our reformed poet might be a success. (But not too successful!! Don’t steal both of our readers!) Anyhoo. Think about it, friend. We’d be honored.

  35. Yeah yeah yeah….

    You have steadfastly eschewed the palm trees.

    Perhaps that is a fundamental character flaw on the part of the Graphics Dept. I know they resented the bikini Bonnie business from the beginning and I still have the PBR waiting….it’s probably a bit skunky by now but if you accept the premise that the road to hell is paved with unbought stuffed dogs, it’s not my fault

    Guest post eh? Ok bugs I’ll put one up.

    But you do know what dogs do with posts?

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