Vital Statistics Department workload skyrockets

Palm Tree Graphic

This is possibly one of the lesser points of interest along the information super-highway.

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16 Responses

  1. Ha!

  2. That’s right, dog. Who’s your daddy now?

  3. I have never seen a facial hair chart before. These stats people must be very talented.

  4. Never a doubt. No Birds in that tree.

    It is as it should be

    I think that I shall never see
    a comment lovely as a palm tree

    It gives shade, nutrition, freshwater too
    Keeps one alive when verse won’t do

    When the Bonnies fade and the Birds fly south
    When other targets seek the trough
    This tree which is a metaphor
    stands tall amid the syntax furor
    there on the masthead
    of the Humboldt Mirror

    And if some illusion’s doubts may linger
    remember the palm tree is a finger

    typing a keyboard of clever thought
    Or making a gesture
    or maybe not

    There on the screen the glib argument
    studded with jewels the graphics department
    PBR’d to distraction
    Just can’t get satisfaction
    maybe just a ship load of fiction
    or a lazy contradiction

    But hear me now and hear me well
    There is a story left to tell
    Comments may be writ by fools like me
    But only bugs understands a palm tree

    Be it a finger or be it a totem
    Marky’s squirrel beard or Bonnie’s quorum
    Over the top and over the sea
    There on the island of context
    stands a palm tree

  5. Dog, old friend, we’re moved to tears!! But in a totally manly way! (By the way, we vote finger. Definitely finger.) Thanks!!

  6. Dang bugs

    Just trying to expand the universe of discourse as it pertains to palm trees.

    It’s almost their time as the near dominant life form on this planet. Ok cockroaches, 4th District Supervisors and sharks have a longer evolutionary shelf life but, after all, the object of the metaphor is to go beyond the metaphor.

    You want it to be a finger? Then a finger it is.

    Let’s let the Graphics Department work out the details. They’re good with me now because I used PBR as a verb.

    Oughta get a nice Christmas card for that.

    Yep an illuminated manuscript of a palm tree festooned with a couple of nice Glass balls.

    Now there’s a metaphor.

  7. Brilliance!! Remember, now, we’re still looking for that blogsitter. You may recall the last one. Not a success. But you, dog–you give us hope. You allow us to dream. Because of you, we can imagine a better world, one with blog vacations in it. Keep us in mind, friend. That’s all we ask.

  8. Dreams huh?

    Hmmmm If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
    If you can meet with triumph and disaster
    And treat those two posters just the same

    If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –
    Yours is the blogosphere and everything that’s in it,
    And – which is more – you’ll be a bug my son!

    I’ll fill in if it is reciprocal. You’ll have to cover my shift at Miranda’s. It’s a pretty good deal. You just have to bark from 3 to 6 AM. It’s intermittent – three barks every 8 minutes. I like them in 3 sharp bursts. Nobody can get all the way back to full sleep in 8 minutes.

    Heh.

    I do have independent contracts in Myrtletown and Cutten. Not a bad gig. Alpo and Palm trees galore. Could be worse. Minimum plus tips.

    Tips are good if you wear the studded collar. Stay out of Old Town with that little accoutrement. Not worth the trouble.

    So I’ll take it on. 4 PBR’s per week plus benefits, a couple of cat pizzas and….oh thumbs, I need thumbs.

    “Outside a dog, a book is a man’s best friend.
    Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read anyway.”

    (Groucho Marx)

    Do we have a deal?

  9. How ’bout we don’t show you up with our remarkable barking abilities, and you try not to make us look too boring? Yes?

  10. Well hell,

    Guess I didn’t get the job

    But, I’m kind of interested in the remarkable barking…part.

    Trying too hard I suppose.

    Pretty dang hard to make you look boring though.

    No worries….just going to be less busy for a while.

  11. You totally got the job! When can you start??

  12. Well, now I have to beat back Patty Berg for the upcoming Senate opening. It appears that the remora are consuming the shark.

    Nasty business that.

    Once that’s done, I’ll have my handlers contact you. We’ll work out a production schedule.

    If I pull it off, we need to talk about multi-tasking the graphics dept as my personal security detail. I intend to piss off a lot of powerful, monumental egos in my short tenure as a tile, in the fragile mosaic of California history. Will need some seriously twisted protection from the conventional wisdom.

    By the way, there is some seriously workable material in the article. Such as “She also is rarely unaccompanied at the Capitol, even in some cases to go to the bathroom, as was the case Tuesday when an aide followed Wiggins out of a joint legislative hearing on state water issues.”

  13. Yeah but here’s our favorite line: “When someone runs for an election, voters are owed the opportunity to know their member — not just to know that their member is in good hands,” he said.

    We’re not even sure where to start with that one.

    But okay–your people, our people, lunch, etc. Let them handle the formalities, yes? We’ll talk about staffs and members and hands and issues.

    And don’t worry about security. Only a handful of people want to see us die. The rest are speaking metaphorically.

  14. Er pursuant to 8/17

    “Yep an illuminated manuscript of a palm tree festooned with a couple of nice Glass balls.

    Now there’s a metaphor.”

    But yes the ‘member in good hands’ is tumescent with possibilities (even in repose) but I think the analogy ends there unless Pat is a cross dresser. Wow, now I hadn’t thought about that.

    It’s still better than the “need to pee in the middle of a hearing on state water issues.’ It either complicates or solves the problem. But, it does give rise to a quirky question.

    Better bring the Regional Water Quality Control Board in on this.

    Holy cow bugs …..looks like a reprise and updated Bonnie Dick Nose.

    Well, you don’t see peckers like that everyday.

  15. The Graphics Department is still whining about that one. Turns out that was a gay penis nose because they couldn’t find a heterosexual one with the right angle and je ne sais quoi. They claim to have been irreparably damaged by the experience, although we suspect they’re just trying to squeeze us for a better psyche services benefit plan.

  16. Sounds like a workers comp issue.

    Hope the premiums are paid up

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