The next phase in the city’s universal garbage program kicked off this weekend, as officials began delivery of 150-gallon recycling bins to every residence in Eureka.
The oversize receptacles are built to hold thousands of recyclable plastic, glass and aluminum containers, which methamphetamine and other drug users collect and sell to support their habit.
“Basically, these new bins are giant tweaker-bait holders,” said Miles Slattery, the city’s recycling coordinator, adding that crackheads and dope whores actually do the city a favor when they steal from residential recycling containers.
“Recycling reimbursements are at an all-time low and don’t even cover the city’s costs of collecting and hauling,” Slattery said. “So what we did was design the receptacles to ensure there would be no collecting or hauling.”
Slattery explained that the city selected the most garish color-scheme available, so junkies could easily spot the receptacles from the street, and made them so large they could never be concealed in any garage.
“Now junk monkeys can go dumpster diving in some of the city’s most affluent neighborhoods,” Slattery said. “It’s all part of making Eureka more livable.”
“We really thought this thing through,” said City Councilman Larry Glass, a proponent of the mandatory program. “Every drunk and dope ho in town’s gonna flip those cans to pull out the odd CRV bottle at the bottom. I mean, you can’t just pick the shit out like you could with the stacking bins. Then, after they dump everything in your yard, homeless addicts can then use the receptacles for shelter.”
They were designed to comfortably sleep four, he said.
“Also,” Glass added, “we’re hoping that after rifling through your trash they’ll go ahead and break into your homes and steal some of your electronics, which as you know contain metals that are harmful to the environment.”
Slattery estimated the city would shave 14 percent off of its waste diversion costs, which will be spent to pay police officers to respond to all the additional nuisance complaints.
Filed under: Humboldt County Tagged: | attack of the killer recycling bins, city of Eureka, city officials and crack whore, comfortably sleep four, giant tweaker-bait holders, junk monkeys, Larry Glass, Miles Slattery