This Week in Stupid II

Douchebaggy Award

Douchebaggy Award

Kirk Girard.

Let’s discuss.

Community Development Disservices Director. Closet Humboldt Mirror reader. Prolific vanity Googler. Fucking idiot.

This is what we know, but there’s so much more we don’t know.

So let’s just ask.

1. Kirk, if the purpose of the Housing Element is to create additional affordable housing, why, then, does the plan propose so many new restrictions on, barriers to and costs for new construction?

2. If a “public hearing” is a formal opportunity for board members to receive public opinion on matters that may eventually require their action, then why at Tuesday’s public hearing did you do all the talking and the public do all the hearing?

3. Are you aware that many of the people who attended Tuesday’s hearing wanted to comment on your crap-ass public input process, but were unable to stay late enough to provide that public input after you demonstrated their point by making them wait three hours while you read aloud from a staff report?

4. How is it that you’ve had more than two years to bring to the board a housing plan that makes some kind of sense, but here you are now with less than two weeks until deadline still not understanding basic terms and processes and with a document that after 20 pages of corrections Tuesday still isn’t even close?

We could go on like this for days, but we won’t keep you. You’re a busy man. You must have all kinds of permits to deny, plans to disapprove, projects to obstruct, reports to conceal and taxpayer money to waste.

So for all you do, Kirk, this Douchebaggy’s for you. Congrats!!

28 Responses

  1. I was at the meeting today with my wife. There’s just nothing funny about this. We couldn’t stay until the end. The only people who have all day to spend at those meetings are the people who don’t want to work and people who don’t need to work. All the rest of us in between are never heard because we have jobs and kids we take care of ourselves and just the usual business of life. If you’re wondering why politics don’t seem to have anything to do with regular people, maybe it’s because regular people have regular responsibilities we can’t abandon just because our elected officials are inconsiderate and inefficient.

  2. Trouble happens when the floor is given to somebody who likes the sound of his own voice.

  3. Did you see the cat fight between Bon-Bon and Jill? Meow!!

  4. That was hot. Also, disappointing. What happened to the hair-pulling? Whenever two women fight, isn’t there supposed to be hair-pulling? Do these people not watch porn?

  5. A laissez faire free-for-all development pattern will magically create affordable housing?


    Each and every person who makes that lame statement deserves your grand award

  6. Anon, honestly now. Is a laissez faire free-for-all really the only possible alternative to this steaming pile of absurdities Kirk Girard has cooked up? Really? Or do you think maybe there might be some sensible middle ground? Hmm? So a quick question, friend: How much affordable housing do you think will be built if the county makes it next to impossible for any housing to be built? Because despite your single-stream thought process, this slightly more complex issue is the one under consideration.

  7. Is there seriously no mention of the housing element meeting in today’s Times Standard? I can’t find anything online.

  8. This is magical thinking. Or maybe no one really cares if anything gets done, anything gets fixed, anyone gets helped, as long as the people sitting on that board remain continue to consolidate their power. As near as I can tell that’s what it’s all about.

  9. I can’t find it either. Is it at least in the print edition?

  10. Girard said AOB would not solve low income housing. The reason given was that AOB require sewer hookups. There is a very clear answer to those that have argued for the Plan A approval.

    There has to be land that could have a composting toilet and a small house built by the owner. The land doesn’t have to be huge especially if someone wants a place to live. This won’t solve the homeless problem but then if there was an easy solution we wouldn’t have a homeless problem anywhere.

    Good choice Bugs! This one also deserves a Cowpie award too for the most BS.

  11. I’d don’t think any of these plans will solve affordable housing because houses will never be affordable given the average salaries in Humboldt. Finding a middle ground is very sensible bugs, but it won’t solve the housing crisis. In my opinion, there is no solution that will magically create affordable housing. Period.

  12. You could be right, Anon. But if there’s any solution to the problem, Girard’s plan is incontrovertibly not it.

  13. You did your best Bugsy but the housing element is not funny. It’s not sexy either, and it’s one of those things that have been going on for so long few people even remember what it’s about. That in itself is problematic.

  14. I disagree with this logic that if affordable housing is to be built, it has to be really nice with plumbing and the whole nine. Can’t they just put in some public bathrooms and make affordable housing be easier to build?

    As for the public comment period, this is why you write angry letters ahead of time. Many times those get included into the staff report. Be sure to include colorful phrases such as “your screwed up policy” as they will have to read this out loud as well. You can use someone else’s name, they’ll never know. Not like I do this.

  15. I’m assuming you mean centralized or shared facilities, Mr. Nice, and not, like, outdoor plumbing (which would not be very Nice at all).

  16. You know all of this would be solved quickly if the county just reapproved the existing housing element for the 8/31 date and then went through this new several thousand piece of shit and allowed full public input later on.

    Oh, but that wouldn’t work because the goal is to exclude the public process. We all get it, Girard is stupid and narcissistic, but will do bon bon’s, the midget’s and the tribe’s bidding. So he gets to be as incompetent as he wants and be about the highest paid employee in the county. Wow, so much money for such a small brain. Bon’s, MIdget, Wittle Clify Appleseed and the folks at the Planning (including all of those in Wealthy Humboldt) believe that public participation means that the public shuts up, listens to the elitist government employees and politicians and then does what ever planning and the three members of the board tells them to.

  17. Oh no! I didn’t want the douchebag award. Iwanted the damn DickHead award! I have been cheated from my rightfully and well earned crown of limp dicks. Everybody knows that I HAVE the biggest penis head in at least four contiguous NorCal counties. Now come on Humbug, gimme my prize now or I will set code enforcement on you.

  18. He is not stupid, he is the slickest person on the planet. With Dearest Bonnie, coaching him, he will forge ahead and spend our money defending them against our legal challenges. Bonnie has to go. Out, out, brief (not so) candle, hope, hope……

  19. And, by the way, her “candidate” for the 5th, Cleary, can you just vision Bon Bon with two “automatic” votes? Just what we need, a New York investment banker running our county.

  20. Dear bugs,Jerk Girard brings up a good point or penis head. I’ve brought up quit a few myself. So many in fact that I should be added to your award committee. If anyone,other than the Bon, knows a limp dick from a douchebag from DickHead I duz.. As you may remember dear bug I can name dicks with my eyes closed.

  21. Linda, can we slow down some with all the dicks and blow-jobs and whatnots? Seriously, after a while it’s a bit much. Thanks.

  22. You assume correctly.

    Although some outdoor showers would be okay.

  23. That’s what my mom says too. BUT, as the Bon keeps telling anyone who will listen,”a girls gotta make a living”. Perhaps both of us should slink off into the shadows.

  24. Nah, Linda. We don’t want you to leave. But how about R-rated instead of X. That’s all we’re asking.

  25. In the past, AOB permits were only available to those who had a letter from their service agency, CSD, etc., that they could not have service “in the forseeable future”.

  26. We thought it was friggin hysterical that during the whole hearing, Bon Bon thought it was worth bringing up the fact that she is very proud to have been part of the decision to help put Humboldt County on the “map” for having the highest amount of hand-out money to the needy — that ‘exceeds the legislative mandate by the state’ — not something to necessarily be proud of – and what is pathetic is she obviously does not see the CONNECTION between that and our local issues…

    Yes indeedy, hold the area hostage to being poor, bottom of the barrel scum sucking sheep – but hey – atleast we have the Bon Bon!

  27. I second that one Humbug. Linda – maybe reflect a couple of times before hitting the “send” button? You don’t want to lose the impact of using those words sparingly to make a point. (You know, don’t want to be a chicken little do you?)

  28. Good advice.

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