Asleep at the Wheel (LIVE!)

I really wish I was surfing right now...

Thanks to the good people at KEET Channel 13 and the League of Women Voters for the opportunity to see and hear in High Definition just what a douche District Attorney Paul Gallegos is.

UPDATE 7:17 p.m.

What is the worst drug problem in the county?

Allison Jackson: Methamphetamine!

Paul Hagen: “Hands down” methamphetamine!

Paul Gallegos: Alcohol. ***Crickets chirping***

UPDATE 7:28 p.m.

Gallegos tells viewers that he has worked hard for the environment to make Humboldt County “safer for living life–both human and animal.” (What a fucktard. Psssstt Paul. Don’t try and say anything Salzman didn’t make you memorize.)

UPDATE 7:42 p.m.

Should the DA’s Office investigators have assault weapons such as AR-15s?

Jackson: Nope. I’ll take away their toys when I am elected.

Hagen: Allison’s right. I can’t understand why the DA’s investigators currently have them. DA investigators are not a SWAT team.

Gallegos: AR-15s are standard issue weapons given to law enforcement officers when they complete training. It’s basic logic here. DA investigators are law enforcement folks too, therefore it’s a mistake to get rid of them. (Psssst Paul. You’re fucking it up again. Shhhhhh. Don’t say anything. Maybe it would be a good time to take a bathroom break until this debate thingie wraps up. Nobody will fault you for a weak bladder.)

Allison Jackson

UPDATE 7:50 p.m.

On whether or not the DA’s Office currently reaches out to victims and involves them in the prosecutorial process.

Gallegos (Bitchslappee): I can’t believe that question got asked. Richard said he pulled strings and that one wouldn’t be used. Well, uh, yeah, uh, sure. It’s our policy to reach out to victims. We do a great job. Especially after I have almost completely dismantled the CAST team.

Jackson (Bitchslapper):  Nope. Please notice the dozens of victims and victim’s rights advocates who support me  ’cause you suck so effing bad. When I am elected, I’ll fix that.

The smart Paul.

UPDATE 8:04 p.m.

What are the strengths of the DA’s office and what would you do to improve the weaknesses?

Gallegos: I really like my staff. They are a tireless group of dedicated people who work hard. Well, the ones that I haven’t fired anyway. I will continue to promote hard work for others and make them do more (while I spend waaaaayy too much time trying and fucking up high-profile cases, as well as taking waaaayy too much time off.)

Hagen: Staff are always a strength, yadda, yadda, yadda. But, weaknesses? That would be leadership. I can’t see a lot of strength there.

Jackson: Staff are always a strength, blah, blah blah. Weakness that need to be improved? There is a failure and “utter lack of administrative” capability and an inability to recruit qualified upper and middle level staff that are vital to handling big cases. Oh, and the “mind boggling” amounts of plea bargaining going on Paul’s watch. Yup, I’ll fix that too.

UPDATE 8:14 p.m.

What’s been going on with crime in the county?

Gallegos: Crime’s way down since I have been DA. Just look at the statistics.

Jackson: Oh no you didn’t just fucking say that did you? Crime is up during your two terms dumbass, just look at the statistics.

Gallegos: What the fuck, yo? I encourage people to just look at the statistics. Facts don’t lie. (Plllleeeaaaassseee tell me that my people didn’t give me bad info. I am not good with math. This is going to hurt way worse than getting busted for my “original” writings, which were plagiarized from some law professor or other articulate and smart guy.)

Statistics: Well, I haven’t officially weighed in yet, but I have to tentatively agree with Jackson on this one. Paul’s not really good with numbers. Or details. Or the law, really.


30 Responses

  1. Yeah, Gallegos is blowing this thing hard.

  2. Holy shit, is Jackson ever fugly

  3. hahahahah! damn! I didn’t know anyone was live blogging it!


  4. Gallegos: No, my guys totally need assault rifles ’cause, like, we arrest people too. Just like real cops.


  5. Savage Gallegos rag coming soon?

  6. My favorite part had to be our esteemed DA’s repeated assertion that he is the county’s “lead executive officer.” Last campaign he kept saying he was a “constitutionally appointed” officer, another position he does not hold because it does not exist. A need for fancy titles is one of many qualities he shares with other delusional narcissists. So when I call him the undisputed king of stupid, I of course mean it in a really supportive way.

  7. (By the way, Douchebug–Working at night? Is this a pub holiday or something?)

  8. undisputed king of stupid

    LOL. Priceless bugs.

  9. OMG tears coming out…this is too effing funny and sad its so true! Have to pass this out can I have extra copies please??

  10. ***hiccup***

    Works over. It’s PBR time now.

  11. Did anyone see the beads of sweat off of gags’ forehead? Guess things ain’t going well. Just wondering when Joan G will go nuclear about the new gall pal Delapp? Or is someone photoshoppong bass and jackson pictures for a whole new disgusting level of crap.

  12. Uh, Delapp is obviously stupid or crazy or both, but she is pretty hot. You go Paul.

  13. Uh, we’re crunching the numbers. Remember, we don’t lie.

  14. I believe I tweeted some of this saying “Um Paul, haven’t you heard the saying “Figures lie and liars figure.”
    Jackson won me over at that debate.

  15. Love it, Love it, Love it!

  16. Statistics, you may be crunching numbers right now but you couldn’t be any more wrong. You friggin blog people LIE ALL THE TIME.

  17. “You friggin blog people LIE ALL THE TIME.”

    You too?I mean,you are a blog person,as you do blog.

  18. 4th district supervisor debate is tonight on KEET, 7 pm.

  19. […] Humboldt Mirror. […]

  20. Is there even a question as to who to vote for here? Anyone who is paying any attention should vote for Jackson. Gallegos….. just can’t get it right! First major fuck up, hiring Jim Jones advisor as his own: Tim Stoen. Second, firing or losing his best a brightest attorneys (like Allison), adopting such a liberal pot policy that we now have fucking drug cartels in our county and people are getting killed over pot. We did just fine with our homegrown peace, love, hippies, and sunshine dope before Paul invited everyone and their spanish speaking garden attendees to come to Humboldt! Yes, I blame him and you should too, fucking asshole. Of course they have machine guns to protect their big cash crops which helped the DA justify having his own team of machine gun toting (AR-15’s) investigators /police, headed by MIke Hislop who really wants to be the Sheriff. BIgger guns, more toys! You know he once tried to buy a surplus military tank while for the City of Eureka? He is one of those guys to ‘just do it’ and ask for forgiveness later. Shit, now I’m off course and venting. Back to the DA; Paul says crime is down. WTF statistics is he looking at. Crime is up up up!!! And talk about overtime, Gallegos spends overtime and doesn’t even have a money in his budget for overtime! And Hislop is out there bagging on the Sheriff. They’re like Neely, they think they can say whatever the fuck they want and no-one will challenge them. Why because they have power? All the same, Gallegos, Hislop and Neely. IS THERE EVEN A QUESTION? fuck. Jackson is the best choice for DA and while I’m at it Virginia Bass is the best choice for 4th District Supervisor and Downey for Sheriff.

  21. Time to link to the latest debate on Video-AJ knocked it out of the park…

  22. Virginia is not the best candidate. She had plenty of opportunity to fullfill her campaign promises while in office Her prorities have been manipulating her position politically and slandering people involved in in the community. My life was turned upside down because of her backhanded bullshit. Do not get me started.

  23. Seriously,
    you must not be watching the debates.

  24. NCJ did a Tremendous job Ken, maybe not as great a job as Paul did on himself… I like Allison’s view of statistics better too, here’s another link

    What’s so perfect was the timing of PG’s announcement that crime was down (I guess due to his superior skills Prosecuting crime) what horseshit! Too bad when AJ mentioned horse trailers she didn’t bring that up too! Readers of the T-S aren’t oblivious to the fact violent crime isn’t down-its up! Inflating his conviction rate with plea bargins instead of getting these bums off the street as long as possible isn’t working any more. Not for me it isn’t.

  25. I was talking about the 4th District debate on channel 13. I thought Jeff gained ground in it.

  26. Ken, u r right. Jeff did good during the KEET debate. I actually like both Jeff and Virginia. I am partial to Virginia though. She is so passionate about our community and about doing the ‘right thing’. She’s not beholding to anyone, contrary to what some might believe. So how about that DA? Go AJ!!

  27. Humbug say “Do good, look good” but the fact is he won’t post anything that makes those he opposes look good, or he’d have posted this article:

  28. Anoy….disingenious at best…no mention of the entirely questionable Mr. Hislop! No mention of the entirely acceptable Mr. Downey either…..keep looking, I am sure you will find some dirt eventually, but if you are really looking for bias…look no futher than the Herald.

    If you want to put the ‘cat amongst the pigeons’…simply type the name Arkley and wait for the fountain in venom.

  29. Anonymous, (May 9 @ 3:59 p.m.)

    We’re taking a PBR break, sorry.

  30. mansehra

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