Graphics Dept. unveils newest hobby sensation!

Marky Poo Lovelace Paper Doll Collection

While Humboldt County residents are trapped indoors from what seems like never-ending Biblical-proportion rain, the Humboldt Mirror Graphics Department dorks want to offer a pastime to while away the wet weather.

Yes folks, it’s the North Coast Proggie Paper Doll set. First up for your enjoyment is the Marky Poo Edition. Just click the link. Print out the paper doll. Carefully cut along the edges. We’ll provide the outfits. (When the Graphics Dept. is not on a PBR bender, of course.)

Because even if the hyperbolic Third District Supervisor isn’t really as big a champion for the environment, jobs or improving the county as he claims, we can always just dress him up to be. Right? Game on.

In keeping with the theme of Marky’s quest to land a spot on the California Coastal Commission and kill any hopes of a cleanup of Eureka’s Balloon Track property or Security National’s Marina Center project, here’s the wee fella’s first change of clothes.

Enjoy friends!

The Humboldt Mirror says goodbye to a friend

Chris Crawford

Chris Crawford, respected community member and longtime friend of the Humboldt Mirror, died over the weekend following a brief battle with cancer.

Chris was a well-liked businessman, an outspoken advocate for campaign finance reform, and a man who gave generously of his time and money to more causes than we can count.

Most of all, he was one hell of a decent human being. He will be missed.

Memorial service plans are still being firmed up but will be reported here when arrangements are confirmed.

In quest for world domination, Lovelace proves he’s not afraid to ask the big questions

"Where are the epaulettes? I alway thought there would be epaulettes. And sweet chocolate Jesus, how can we possibly be out of ascots and spats?"

Petitioners call Lovelace a potential “embarrassment” to Governor

Huh. No mention of his Napoleon complex. Probably that's assumed.

A petition Mark Lovelace circulated to get Mark Lovelace appointed to the California Coastal Commission has been seriously upstaged by a competing petition titled “Mark Lovelace is wrong for California.”

The petition does a good job of stating the obvious:

Mark Lovelace fails to recognize the need for balance between economic growth and environmental preservation. His positions are extreme and he is a divisive force in our community. His appointment to the Coastal Commission would be both damaging to the economy of California and an embarrassment to you, our Governor.

While it’s true that our Governor has previously displayed an impressively high tolerance for embarrassment, his handling of the budget suggests he is not totally impervious to economic realities. It will be interesting to see what he does with this appointment.

So far, 149 people have signed the online petition, with an additional 700 signatures submitted to HCAOG during the wee wonder’s last attempt at world domination only three months ago.

Add your name here.

Short-lived NCJ editor accepts new position as unemployed douchebag

Abate Abated!

And we’re gonna venture a wild-ass guess that the new gig wasn’t exactly his idea.

Either way, good luck to Tom Abate. We suspect he’s going to need it.

While we’re on the subject of “good,” dare we now hope that The Hotness That Is Jennifer Savage will return??

Let it be so! And let the schadenfreude begin!!

Shadowy litigious group nabs first Douchebaggy Award of 2011

Scott Greacen: Douche

In a stunning tribute to irony, the Environmental Protection Information Center Executive Director Scott Greacen is crying foul over closed-door negotiations being held by lawmakers in Sacramento that are aimed at boosting the state’s sluggish economy and lowering skyrocketing unemployment rates.

The T-S reported that a Republican senator and his four colleagues are asking for a revamping of the California Environmental Quality Act in exchange for supporting Gov. Jerry Brown’s plans to put a five-year income tax, sales tax and vehicle licensing extensions before voters in a special election.

The goal of the CEQA revamp would be to ease the abuse of California’s environmental regulations by special interest groups by limiting challenges to environmental impact reports, requiring citizens filing litigation against projects to make a $50,000 deposit — or 1 percent of the project’s cost, whichever is smaller — to the court before filing legal action and make telecommunications companies exempt from many environmental reviews. The proposal would also greatly broaden the types of projects exempted from the environmental review process.

The implications are apocalyptic for the group that seemingly exists solely to sue the hell out damn near anything that moves to achieve its goals.

”My first impression is that this is a really, really radical proposal that would gut CEQA and take away local communities’ ability to be involved in important planning decisions,” Greacen said. “The substance of this is just sweeping.”

Because protecting the right to sue with reckless abandon is monumentally more important than making serious reforms to fix our disastrous economy and nearly $27 billion budget deficit.

And for that Mr. Greacen, you’ve earned the Douchebaggy Award. Congratulations friend!

Blue Lake Casino teaches whitey important principles of natural selection

$ Milk Money $

Great news, crazy people!! It just got even easier for you to become a burden to society.

Unpasteurized milk is now for sale at the Blue Lake Casino Play Station 777 convenience store, despite reams of scientific data linking viruses, parasites and bacteria from “raw” milk to illness and death.

The sale of unpasteurized milk is illegal in Humboldt County. The Blue Lake Rancheria, as a sovereign nation, is not subject to the ban.

Rancheria spokeswoman Jana Ganion characterized the decision to sell the milk as “just the latest example of the Blue Lake Rancheria’s rich tradition of giving.”

Ganion explained,

The council decided to offer raw milk because many of the tribal members were raised on raw milk, and they wanted to make it available for those who wish to drink it.

For the same reason, she said, Play Station 777 has begun selling 40s of Steel Reserve to 8-year-olds.

Ganion went on to say that the tribe operates a casino to teach young adults remedial math and improve the hand-eye coordination of seniors on fixed incomes.

But the spokeswoman bristled when asked if the Rancheria would take responsibility for the expenses and public health consequences associated with consumption of unpasteurized milk. The tribe, she said, would provide a “complete package” of support, including bingo discounts, drink coupons, and a complimentary trip through Alice’s Buffet.