For those of you who missed Jonathan Speaker’s laugh-out-loud email smack-down of Third District Supervisor Mark Lovelace, treat yourself to a look at it here.
In it, Lovelace explains why he’s the best supervisor on the board, possibly the best ever, including in the future, and announces how he’s solved all of the county’s problems which, we might note, purely as an aside, remain largely unsolved.
In the spirit of helpfulness for which we Bugs are widely known, we thought we’d give the little guy a hand rounding out his list of accomplishments.
I know I know. You’re welcome!
More accomplishments Lovelace can take credit for:
- Spent a shit-ton of public money on self-promotional travel
- Was stupid enough to brag about it
- Solved the airport problems that aren’t solved
- Increased revenues that haven’t increased
- Fixed permitting problems that aren’t fixed
- Prioritized redundant self-congratulation over non-redundant broadband
- Helped remove the Klamath dams by opposing their removal
- Talked about himself in the third person and then didn’t know what that meant
- Bragged about saying “I” more than 30 times in an email to a constituent
- Put Humpty Dumpty together again
- Gave generously of his height to pygmies
- Spanked John Woolley in a legendary beer-pong showdown
- Showed Obama how to get his jumper back online
- Led a horse to water and made the fucker drink
- Coined the phrase “Bros before hos”
- Invented Al Gore’s invention of the Internet
- Died for our sins
- Grew that stupid beard so he could donate the hair to chemotherapy patients.
Have we left anything out?
Filed under: Humboldt County |