After years of reading the North Coast Journal’s “Best of Humboldt” list for its sedative qualities–“Best Pot Plant,” “Best Thought Andrew Goff Had Today,” “Best Descended Testicle”–*yawn*–both of our readers suggested we put together a list of our own.
Without further ado:
Best Ending to a 50-Year Job Search: If anyone’s wondered whatever happened to Humboldt County’s most unsympathetic homeless person, he has turned into Humboldt County’s most unlikely security guard! Congratulations Tad Robinson for landing a night watchman gig at the Old Creamery Building in Arcata. Peace be with you, taxpayer!!
Best ‘Personnel Matter’ Ending in a Contract Termination ‘Without Cause’: Former Eureka Police Chief Garr Nielsen had this one in the bag heading into last week–and then BAM! Out of nowhere came David Hull’s abrupt termination after 15 years as Harbor Commission CEO. One difference between the two is that Hank Sims has yet to tell us the last one is going to be A VERY BIG DEAL, which he said about the first one 15 seconds before no one gave a shit anymore.
Best Legislative Field Aide: This hotly contested category ended in a photo-finish tie for first between Wes Chesbro rep John Woolley’s eyebrows. Mike Thompson’s Humboldt aide, John Driscoll, was an exceedingly distant third.
Best Peacemaker: Among Kirk Girard’s lesser-known qualities is his ability to bring together individuals from across the political spectrum, such as he did with his recent multi-family rezoning plan. That they all came together to oppose the plan diminishes his achievement only slightly but perhaps explains why Girard did not get the nod in the Best Community Development Disservices Director category.
Best Lucrative Business Diversification: The Environmental Protection Information Center, long known for its massive marijuana production and distribution network, has recently expanded into the highly profitable field of environmental litigation. Good job, EPIC!
Best New Editor of the North Coast Journal who’s not a complete a whack job: Carrie Peyton-Dahlberg–but friends, this one’s not over yet! Reportedly what the former Sac Bee writer lacks in psychopathy she may be making up for in condescending arrogance. Said one Mirror reader: “Someone please tell her moving here from Sacramento doesn’t give her intellectual authority over us slow-witted locals. It’s fucking Sacramento, ok? She may have been smart for leaving it, but let’s not forget she was dumb enough to be there in the first place.” Point made.
Best Business ‘Progessives’ Hate: Move over, Home Depot. Forget about it, Walmart. Say hello to Coast Central Credit Union, a local business whose success has incurred the wrath of local whiny-ass free-market losers. How deep does the Prog animosity run? Andrew Bird has reported “moving his assets” to another institution. Look the hell out now, CCCU!! When Andy Bird and his $30k a year salary walk away, YOU’RE FUCKED.
That’s it for now. Send your nominations for next year to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Filed under: Humboldt County