Tears of joy?

The Times-Standard’s Megan Hansen reports that the county staffers who recommended keeping Kirk Girard as director of one small piece of the former Community Development Disservices Department and continuing to pay him the same fat salary for a fraction of the work were in for a bit of a surprise yesterday at the Board of Supervisors meeting. Turns out District 5 Supervisor Ryan Sundberg didn’t see the brilliance of those proposals. Spoilsport!

Anyhoo, for now it looks like Girard will have to apply for a position–or at least pretend to. Because according to CAO Phillip Smith-Hanes, we may have to keep paying the guy whether or not we have anything for him to do. If Girard were not given the position, Smith-Hanes said,

We’d have an interesting quandary of what to do with that person. Just because a position goes away, doesn’t mean the person in that position goes away.

Interesting indeed, and a statement that beautifully captures the essence of government employment.

So here’s a thought: We could make “that person” the county’s first $9,000-a-month dogcatcher, and please understand that I mean no disrespect to dogs.

Any other ideas?

We promised ourselves we wouldn’t cry–with update!

The Community Development Disservices Director is no more. But be proud, Kirk Girard! Not everyone can fuck up a job so badly that your employer has to eliminate the position when you’re done with it.

From the February 28 Board of Supervisors agenda:

Job Descriptions for Director of Planning & Building and Director of Economic & Resource Development

RECOMMENDATION: That the Board of Supervisors adopt the new department head class of Director of Planning & Building (class 0832, $9,024 monthly, unit 10) into the classification plan, effective immediately; allocate one full-time equivalent (1.0 FTE) Director of Planning & Building position (class 0832, $9,024 monthly) in budget unit 277, effective April 1, 2012; adopt the new department head class of Director of Economic & Resource Development (class 0820, $8,629 monthly, unit 10) into the classification plan, effective immediately; approve the reallocation of the Director of Community Development Services position (class 0820, $9,611 monthly, position #01) in budget unit 277, currently occupied by Kirk Girard, to Director of Economic & Resource Development (class 0820, $8,629 monthly) in budget unit 275, effective April 1, 2012; and delete the classification of Director of Community Development Services (class 0820, $9,611 monthly, unit 10) from the classification plan, effective April 1, 2012.

Maybe they should allocate a full-time equivalent Director of Just Making Shit Up position to explain why it is Girard is relieved of about three-fourths of his duties but less than ten percent of his pay. Is this a demotion or a nut-scrub?

Oh, and yeah. We did mention a little somethin’-somethin’ about this a while back.

Totally not shocking update: The Times-Standard reports Sunday morning that although Kirk Girard’s current position will pay less in the future, the staff recommendation is to let him go ahead and keep one hundred percent of his salary for twenty-five or thirty percent of his job. With sound decision-making like this, how is possible we’re in a budget crisis?

Times-Standard non-story becomes Humboldt Mirror non-post

Wherever he films it, let's hope it doesn't suck.

BREAKING NEWS: According to the Times-Standard, M. Night Shyamalan may or may not film part of his next movie in Humboldt County. Despite a notable absence of fact, T-S stalwart Thad Greenson burned through a thousand words trying to make it sound like news anyway.

Those vast empty spaces between discounted ads don’t seem to be filling themselves. It’s beginning to look like the Times-Standard’s six-day publication schedule may still be a day or two too many.

Photo credit: cracked.com